1.

[ciaobastards]

Where the heck am I?! This sure as hell isn't my house, and these definitely aren't my pictures, even if the girl I'm with is very lovely. And who changed my clothes?! This better not be a part of one of France's plans! If that perverted bastard kidnapped me, I'll...throw tomatoes at him! Chigiiii! Or what if I'm captured? If there's anyone out there-I'll do anything! Just let me go already, this is fucking creepy!

This better fucking be Spain's number-COME AND HELP ME OUT ALREADY, DAMN YOU!