it's just bad news bad news bad news.
i keep repeating myself. but i'm just so frustrated and i don't even know what the word is. i keep coming back to lost. that's true, that's the best way to describe it. i feel so lost. and so tiny in something so huge. i don't know why i can't just be happy. or normal and have fun. i don't know if i have problems because i think i have problems or if they really exist. i can't sleep anymore. it takes me literal hours to fall asleep. and that's what made me start thinking about it. can i not sleep because i really can't sleep or do i psych myself out about it because i feel like i can't sleep? it's unclear. there's a lot of stuff like that going on right now. i just feel so miserable. it's like the beginning of this semester being repeated. and i really don't know what to do. it's just like everything is being put into perspective. i'm not good at anything i've ever had illusions of being good at. everything everyone led me to believe is false: i'm not athletic, i'm not a dancer, i'm not an actress, i barely have a creative bone in my body, really and i'm not even that good at school. i literally feel like everything i thought i could do is just not there anymore if it ever was. i don't know what happened. i don't really know what to do. and wah wah wah, and complain complain complain but that's the way it is. and i hardly ever talk about it and sometimes i just need to write it down or else i'll go crazy. so, sorry. i'm a wuss. it's cool. i don't even know. i have about eight years worth of studying to do, so that i don't fail literally every class. sweet life, kik.