I just can't get into this year...
The 'holiday' mood, that is. I felt festive, thankful, and needing 'family' at Thanksgiving time, but this 'Holiday Season' I just can't find the spirit in the least. I feel like I want to hide in my bed under the covers, and not come out till Spring. Depression is always a hard fight when the sunlight diminishes, (I know that I suffer from S.A.D. and have bright full spectrum sunbulbs to help against it.) It also doesn't help that I abhor shopping in the first place, malls all together, and want to exterminate every xmas display that appears from Halloween onwards. I also work off a major mall area, so get to see people at their holiday spirit 'best' as they gleefully cut one another off to get one freakin' parking place closer to the entrance or refuse to keep drives open so people that work in adjoining buildings might actually get out of the freakin' parking lots!
I've had 'sounds of the season' going all day, and still can't muster anything close to caring about it. I was raised xtian, Methodist. What I remember best of the services on xmas eve was the music. Xmas music is some of the most beautiful ever created by mankind, classical, church hymns, even the pop tunes, yet even something that I normally would enjoy so much just sounds flat, sad, and lonely. I've got that mood that I used to get driving home from St. Agony's. That drive was back country roads, sparsely populated farm areas. It's the mood of the 'outsider.' All the warmly lit homes, family observed through the windows, cars pulling in and people being welcomed home, but no welcome for the one wandering the cold and dark. No warm hearth fire, no festive smells, no hot drink waiting in a bright country kitchen. Just the dark, the cold, the outer depths of the bare forest where even the pines are mere branches and the winds blow relentlessly across the barren rocks. There sits the silent black tower. There keeps the lost ones, the trio who have only each other because they are part of the same being, the guardian, the left child, and the dragon anger. That's the best description of how it feels.
I've had 'sounds of the season' going all day, and still can't muster anything close to caring about it. I was raised xtian, Methodist. What I remember best of the services on xmas eve was the music. Xmas music is some of the most beautiful ever created by mankind, classical, church hymns, even the pop tunes, yet even something that I normally would enjoy so much just sounds flat, sad, and lonely. I've got that mood that I used to get driving home from St. Agony's. That drive was back country roads, sparsely populated farm areas. It's the mood of the 'outsider.' All the warmly lit homes, family observed through the windows, cars pulling in and people being welcomed home, but no welcome for the one wandering the cold and dark. No warm hearth fire, no festive smells, no hot drink waiting in a bright country kitchen. Just the dark, the cold, the outer depths of the bare forest where even the pines are mere branches and the winds blow relentlessly across the barren rocks. There sits the silent black tower. There keeps the lost ones, the trio who have only each other because they are part of the same being, the guardian, the left child, and the dragon anger. That's the best description of how it feels.