Fearless (Kangteuk) Part Four
Title: Fearless
Prompt: #094 - Makeup, #025 - Smoke
Pairing: Leeteuk/Kangin, Slight Leeteuk/Shindong
Rating: PG-13 (Slight angst)
Type: Long oneshot? or a short chaptered series.
Summary: Wishing to be someone daring and strong, Jungsu got his wish when makeup offered him a mask where he becomes Leeteuk. With makeup on, Jungsu was fearless. Until Kangin noticed the difference between Leeteuk and Jungsu.
-
It was supposed to be a one shot, but it got too long so I spilt it up into four parts. Not really that complicated as the summary might sound to be. Idk! ):
completed! ended with a happy ending of course. its not that well as i expected it to turn out to be. :/
Part one / Part two / Part three
-
Part Four.
Jungsu froze. Kangin definitely had asked that sentence, and he wasn’t dreaming at all. The coldness of the towel in his hands reminded him that the question was left unanswered.
How… did Kangin know about this!?
What happened when he wasn’t conscious!?
“What…” Even his voice sounded really hoarse and shocked. That would give him away dammit! Pull yourself together, Park Jungsu!
Kangin’s eyes hardened. “You have been acting weirdly the whole time just now. The members were worried about you… But, that wasn’t you just now, wasn’t it? It was actually… ‘Leeteuk’, wasn’t it?” Jungsu exhaled slowly.
So he knew. He knew everything.
And he was going to dislike and hate him for this. He was going to avoid Jungsu for this; he is going to think that he, Jungsu, is a freak. Jungsu bit his lips nervously, his fingers wringing the cloth tightly. Kangin was waiting for an answer.
Though, in his heart, Jungsu secretly wanted to tell Kangin everything. So he wouldn’t have to painstakingly hide it from the person he loved every time they had to perform together. He knew that secretly, he hoped that Kangin would accept him for this.
And now Kangin did tell him not to hide anything from each other…
Jungsu’s mouth opened.
“…It was just…exactly what you said…”
And that moment, he saw Kangin’s shocked expression, and Jungsu felt his world fell down and crushing into pieces onto the hard ground, along with his heart.
The male before him had a weird expression on his face. “So it was true… So whatever that Leeteuk just now had said was true. That you had a personality disorder, which you wanted to be someone like how Leeteuk was…”
Jungsu felt as though there was a lump in his throat, and cold sweat was running down his palms and back. He couldn’t reply, he couldn’t move. If only time could turn back… If only…
But apparently that was enough for Kangin, as the male turned away from him abruptly, before opening the door and leaving.
The loud bang from the door closing startled Jungsu out of his zombie like state, and he slid down to the floor slowly.
When the door closed just now, it felt as though Kangin was leaving away from him forever, walking away and never turning back.
Something warm was dropping down from his face, wetting his stage clothes. Jungsu wiped it off, but it kept coming, dropping down faster. Curling up into a ball, Jungsu cried.
-
Kangin didn’t talk to him, neither did they met for the next few days.
By then, Jungsu had long given up hope too. He had avoided meeting the other members and club people all together, and had arranged for a resignation. The boss had understood, thankfully, and he welcomed Jungsu back anytime.
Jungsu had appreciated the boss’s good will, but he wasn’t coming back. He couldn't stand to remember the scenario that kept flashing in his mind whenever he was in the room. Pushing the glass double doors open, Jungsu let the early morning light hit his face.
Now, the members should be sleeping in the club.
Like that, no one would see him leaving, and try to question him. Jungsu already had enough from the silent rejection the love of his life had given; he wasn’t ready for the rejection his friends would give as well.
Tucking his hands into his jacket, Jungsu stepped out of the club slowly.
He still remembered the beat of the club at night, where people would dance and sing like crazy. The thick smell of cigarettes and sweat would be pungent in the air as well. Unfortunately, he would never be able to taste the feeling of an everlasting crowd that cheered for him.
Jungsu had wished to be Leeteuk, yes. But he wished that he had Leeteuk’s personality, as himself. Not as another whole person. It seems as though that dream can never really come through. A small torn smile tried stretched itself on Jungsu’s face, and failed.
The sound of his shoe scraping along the ground resonated in his ears as Jungsu slowly walked away. “Jungsu! Park Jungsu! Wait!” There was a familiar voice that kept yelling for his name. Was he even hallucinating now? Jungsu bit his lips and he walked faster.
“Wait up dammit!” The voice got louder. His mind must be in a wreck now. Jungsu squinted his eyes and was about to start running when a large and warm hand grabbed onto his arm tightly. Jungsu’s eyes widened.
Belonging to that hand, was Kangin, looking as handsome as always with his slightly shy and awkward face. Time seemed to have stopped, as corny as it sounded to be, and Jungsu’s face probably was full of shock.
Kangin was looking unsure, probably thinking it thoroughly again before he looked determined again. “Where are you going?” Jungsu blinked, before he gathered his wits again. He was supposed to be leaving the club now! Kangin wasn’t supposed to see him!
Struggling hard to get his arm out of Kangin’s strong grip, Jungsu bit on his lips, refusing to say a word. “Tell me! I won’t let go if you don’t!” “Kangin-sshi, please! Just let me go!” “No! You’re not leaving this club without a good reason!”
Jungsu bit his lips in frustration. Kangin sure knew the rules of the club at the wrong timing. If only Kangin had forgotten the rule that no one was allowed to leave the club in the early morning! Something snapped like a twig in Jungsu’s mind, and it felt as though air was cut off from his lungs.
It felt as though Leeteuk was there with him, but not.
“What else more do you want?! You’ve found out my secret, and you think I’m weird and abnormal for it. It’s already hurtful enough, to be shunned by the person I like! Why do you have to appear in front of me again, when I’m prepared to leave everything behind!?”
Kangin looked shocked now, and Jungsu covered his mouth with his free hand. Again, his mouth betrayed him. Why did he say all of those words?! What actually happened to make him say all those words? Kangin must be really mad at him now!
Giving up in frustration, Jungsu tried one last time to jerk his arm out of Kangin’s hands, his sight blurred by the hot tears.
But instead, Kangin’s grip got tighter.
“Aish, stop trying to run away when I haven’t said anything yet! I don’t think that you’re neither weird nor abnormal! Just that…what do you mean by… being shunned by the person you like?”
…What….?
Jungsu froze in his movements. Did he hear wrongly? “No, you didn’t. Stop talking aloud! Answer my question! What do you mean… by that sentence!” Kangin looked annoyed and embarrassed, his cheeks painted in red while his lips were curved in an angry pout.
But this wasn’t the time to be admiring Kangin’s looks. Jungsu blushed lightly at his thoughts before he pulled himself back together again. “…You… don’t think I’m…weird?”
“Of course not! Why would I?” Kangin had replied, as though he was talking about the weather of the day. No hesitation, no nothing.
“But… You weren’t in the club for the past few days… I thought you were ignoring me… You left so abruptly too!” Jungsu had protested, rather weakly.
Kangin looked ashamed suddenly, letting go of his hand on Jungsu’s arm. “…I-I’m sorry for leaving so rashly! I was just shocked! But I was finding more information on personality disorder the past few days. Boss let me off.”
Everything seemed to become lighter, and brighter for Jungsu suddenly. As though a cover was taken off from him, even the air had become easier to breathe. Jungsu gasped. His heart seemed to be thudding heavily, and Jungsu realized that he was trembling.
“So you don’t think I’m weird? I’m still your… best buddy?”
Kangin looked embarrassed and awkward himself.
“But… what did you mean... when you said… the person that you liked had shunned you?”
…!!!!
Jungsu’s face, a picture of relief and hope suddenly burst into a dainty pinkish red color. In his frustration and despair, he had said everything that had been in his heart. And unknowingly, his secret love for Kangin had leaked out as well.
“Uh….”
“I…I don’t think you’re weird. I think that this is what that makes Jungsu rather special. That he can be determined to chase for his dreams and his desired character. But he is doing it the wrong way. There can be way, for Jungsu to gain confidence. And…And I’m willing to help. I…won’t shun Jungsu…Because… I like him too....”
Kangin’s hands suddenly grabbed Jungsu’s hands, to interlock their fingers together tightly. It was as though warmth had covered and wrapped around Jungsu’s body then, and his ears had been stuffed with a thousand cotton pads.
Everything that he wished to hear from Kangin’s mouth was all being said now. Jungsu couldn’t believe it at all. What had exactly happened? One moment, his world was falling down. And it was lifted up again.
“Wh-don’t cry! Aish!” Kangin’s left hand had left his, and his fingers had wiped away something from his face.
He was crying?
Jungsu didn’t know. He only recognized Kangin’s touch, and with each swipe of his thumb that was wiping away the tears, there was a slight jolt that would run through his body. It was real, whatever that just happened.
It wasn’t a dream. Was it?
“It’s not! Stop talking to yourself already yah! You haven’t told me if you would want me to help you or not.” Kangin whined, a adorable pout on his red face. Jungsu laughed, in despite of his tears.
“Pabo. Of course… I would want you to help me… I’m just too happy… Too happy…”
-
Almost the whole club had known their relationship just a few hours later after the incident outside the club. This was weird. The both of them didn’t even talk yet, and Eunhyuk was already snickering at him. Everyone didn’t hesitate to tease the new couple, which resulted in Kangin snapping at them.
The couples in the clubs had congratulated them as well, including Shindong.
It was sudden for him. Just a few days ago, he had been planning about how he should confess to Jungsu. And now, Jungsu had been taken away. Still, even though he didn’t get to share happiness with Jungsu, seeing Jungsu’s happy face was enough for him.
Jungsu’s happiness was all to Shindong. Besides… Kibum had asked Shindong out too. Maybe this can be a fresh start for him and to Jungsu as well.
Leeteuk had to appear every time a concert is due, and he kept to himself mostly. Kangin didn’t hate him, but instead adored Leeteuk as well, surprisingly, seeing how Leeteuk would annoy Kangin each time they talked.
Whenever there wasn’t a concert coming, Kangin would always stay with Jungsu, teaching him to be confidence of himself.
This went on for the next few months.
Things went on smoothly. But one night, before a performance, Leeteuk had suddenly offered a stick to Kangin. The other male had refused, though. Leeteuk didn’t have any change in reaction, putting the stick into his mouth and lighting it up.
There was silence, like always. Kangin pulled a chair out, preparing to get as comfortable as he can in the smoky air. But the silence was broken soon.
“You know something? I’ve always known that I will disappear someday. To be part of Jungsu and his daily life, instead of having my own thoughts apart from him. But I’ve never thought that it would arrive so soon.”
A dry chuckle was emitted from the lips of Leeteuk.
“I may be just a personality off Jungsu as well. But I’m him, ultimately. I still have feelings. I like you as well.” There was a thick silence, as the burnt end of the stick glowed. Kangin looked surprised, but not as surprised as Leeteuk thought he would be.
“I’m sorry… But the person that I love is Jungsu and Jungsu only. You might be part of him, but to me you’re still not the complete him. You may think that you’re going to disappear soon, but please don’t think it like that way. Jungsu now, is doing his best to be like you. You wouldn’t disappear. But you would be coming back as a complete person, as Jungsu.”
Leeteuk looked shocked for a moment, his beautifully painted eyes widened. But he gained his composure back, a small smile stretching his black painted lips. “…Probably. Perhaps this is why Jungsu adores you so much.”
“Really? I’m Korea’s number one handsome guy all right.”
“Spare me the agony.”
“You should be feeling honored!"
“…”
-
The following week, Jungsu had gained his confidence tremendously. Being able to dance and sing on the same stage where Leeteuk had dominated once before, Jungsu was a free bird. And when he had placed makeup on, Jungsu didn’t turn into Leeteuk anymore.
Jungsu was himself.
Kangin had been happy for him, but he felt a slight sadness for Leeteuk as well.But Kangin didn’t forget what he had said. Leeteuk wasn’t gone. He only came back to be part of Jungsu, to complete what Jungsu was.
“Younwoon-ah! Help me with this zip! I can’t pull it up.”
“Right right.” Now that his dainty princess had become a fiery spitfire, Kangin couldn’t really blame anyone else for it. He could see the resemblance with Leeteuk sometimes too, especially whenever Jungsu was mad.
“Yah! Hurry up! Manager-hyung is going to scream at us again if you don’t hurry!”
“I’m coming!”
Prompt: #094 - Makeup, #025 - Smoke
Pairing: Leeteuk/Kangin, Slight Leeteuk/Shindong
Rating: PG-13 (Slight angst)
Type: Long oneshot? or a short chaptered series.
Summary: Wishing to be someone daring and strong, Jungsu got his wish when makeup offered him a mask where he becomes Leeteuk. With makeup on, Jungsu was fearless. Until Kangin noticed the difference between Leeteuk and Jungsu.
-
It was supposed to be a one shot, but it got too long so I spilt it up into four parts. Not really that complicated as the summary might sound to be. Idk! ):
completed! ended with a happy ending of course. its not that well as i expected it to turn out to be. :/
Part one / Part two / Part three
-
Part Four.
Jungsu froze. Kangin definitely had asked that sentence, and he wasn’t dreaming at all. The coldness of the towel in his hands reminded him that the question was left unanswered.
How… did Kangin know about this!?
What happened when he wasn’t conscious!?
“What…” Even his voice sounded really hoarse and shocked. That would give him away dammit! Pull yourself together, Park Jungsu!
Kangin’s eyes hardened. “You have been acting weirdly the whole time just now. The members were worried about you… But, that wasn’t you just now, wasn’t it? It was actually… ‘Leeteuk’, wasn’t it?” Jungsu exhaled slowly.
So he knew. He knew everything.
And he was going to dislike and hate him for this. He was going to avoid Jungsu for this; he is going to think that he, Jungsu, is a freak. Jungsu bit his lips nervously, his fingers wringing the cloth tightly. Kangin was waiting for an answer.
Though, in his heart, Jungsu secretly wanted to tell Kangin everything. So he wouldn’t have to painstakingly hide it from the person he loved every time they had to perform together. He knew that secretly, he hoped that Kangin would accept him for this.
And now Kangin did tell him not to hide anything from each other…
Jungsu’s mouth opened.
“…It was just…exactly what you said…”
And that moment, he saw Kangin’s shocked expression, and Jungsu felt his world fell down and crushing into pieces onto the hard ground, along with his heart.
The male before him had a weird expression on his face. “So it was true… So whatever that Leeteuk just now had said was true. That you had a personality disorder, which you wanted to be someone like how Leeteuk was…”
Jungsu felt as though there was a lump in his throat, and cold sweat was running down his palms and back. He couldn’t reply, he couldn’t move. If only time could turn back… If only…
But apparently that was enough for Kangin, as the male turned away from him abruptly, before opening the door and leaving.
The loud bang from the door closing startled Jungsu out of his zombie like state, and he slid down to the floor slowly.
When the door closed just now, it felt as though Kangin was leaving away from him forever, walking away and never turning back.
Something warm was dropping down from his face, wetting his stage clothes. Jungsu wiped it off, but it kept coming, dropping down faster. Curling up into a ball, Jungsu cried.
-
Kangin didn’t talk to him, neither did they met for the next few days.
By then, Jungsu had long given up hope too. He had avoided meeting the other members and club people all together, and had arranged for a resignation. The boss had understood, thankfully, and he welcomed Jungsu back anytime.
Jungsu had appreciated the boss’s good will, but he wasn’t coming back. He couldn't stand to remember the scenario that kept flashing in his mind whenever he was in the room. Pushing the glass double doors open, Jungsu let the early morning light hit his face.
Now, the members should be sleeping in the club.
Like that, no one would see him leaving, and try to question him. Jungsu already had enough from the silent rejection the love of his life had given; he wasn’t ready for the rejection his friends would give as well.
Tucking his hands into his jacket, Jungsu stepped out of the club slowly.
He still remembered the beat of the club at night, where people would dance and sing like crazy. The thick smell of cigarettes and sweat would be pungent in the air as well. Unfortunately, he would never be able to taste the feeling of an everlasting crowd that cheered for him.
Jungsu had wished to be Leeteuk, yes. But he wished that he had Leeteuk’s personality, as himself. Not as another whole person. It seems as though that dream can never really come through. A small torn smile tried stretched itself on Jungsu’s face, and failed.
The sound of his shoe scraping along the ground resonated in his ears as Jungsu slowly walked away. “Jungsu! Park Jungsu! Wait!” There was a familiar voice that kept yelling for his name. Was he even hallucinating now? Jungsu bit his lips and he walked faster.
“Wait up dammit!” The voice got louder. His mind must be in a wreck now. Jungsu squinted his eyes and was about to start running when a large and warm hand grabbed onto his arm tightly. Jungsu’s eyes widened.
Belonging to that hand, was Kangin, looking as handsome as always with his slightly shy and awkward face. Time seemed to have stopped, as corny as it sounded to be, and Jungsu’s face probably was full of shock.
Kangin was looking unsure, probably thinking it thoroughly again before he looked determined again. “Where are you going?” Jungsu blinked, before he gathered his wits again. He was supposed to be leaving the club now! Kangin wasn’t supposed to see him!
Struggling hard to get his arm out of Kangin’s strong grip, Jungsu bit on his lips, refusing to say a word. “Tell me! I won’t let go if you don’t!” “Kangin-sshi, please! Just let me go!” “No! You’re not leaving this club without a good reason!”
Jungsu bit his lips in frustration. Kangin sure knew the rules of the club at the wrong timing. If only Kangin had forgotten the rule that no one was allowed to leave the club in the early morning! Something snapped like a twig in Jungsu’s mind, and it felt as though air was cut off from his lungs.
It felt as though Leeteuk was there with him, but not.
“What else more do you want?! You’ve found out my secret, and you think I’m weird and abnormal for it. It’s already hurtful enough, to be shunned by the person I like! Why do you have to appear in front of me again, when I’m prepared to leave everything behind!?”
Kangin looked shocked now, and Jungsu covered his mouth with his free hand. Again, his mouth betrayed him. Why did he say all of those words?! What actually happened to make him say all those words? Kangin must be really mad at him now!
Giving up in frustration, Jungsu tried one last time to jerk his arm out of Kangin’s hands, his sight blurred by the hot tears.
But instead, Kangin’s grip got tighter.
“Aish, stop trying to run away when I haven’t said anything yet! I don’t think that you’re neither weird nor abnormal! Just that…what do you mean by… being shunned by the person you like?”
…What….?
Jungsu froze in his movements. Did he hear wrongly? “No, you didn’t. Stop talking aloud! Answer my question! What do you mean… by that sentence!” Kangin looked annoyed and embarrassed, his cheeks painted in red while his lips were curved in an angry pout.
But this wasn’t the time to be admiring Kangin’s looks. Jungsu blushed lightly at his thoughts before he pulled himself back together again. “…You… don’t think I’m…weird?”
“Of course not! Why would I?” Kangin had replied, as though he was talking about the weather of the day. No hesitation, no nothing.
“But… You weren’t in the club for the past few days… I thought you were ignoring me… You left so abruptly too!” Jungsu had protested, rather weakly.
Kangin looked ashamed suddenly, letting go of his hand on Jungsu’s arm. “…I-I’m sorry for leaving so rashly! I was just shocked! But I was finding more information on personality disorder the past few days. Boss let me off.”
Everything seemed to become lighter, and brighter for Jungsu suddenly. As though a cover was taken off from him, even the air had become easier to breathe. Jungsu gasped. His heart seemed to be thudding heavily, and Jungsu realized that he was trembling.
“So you don’t think I’m weird? I’m still your… best buddy?”
Kangin looked embarrassed and awkward himself.
“But… what did you mean... when you said… the person that you liked had shunned you?”
…!!!!
Jungsu’s face, a picture of relief and hope suddenly burst into a dainty pinkish red color. In his frustration and despair, he had said everything that had been in his heart. And unknowingly, his secret love for Kangin had leaked out as well.
“Uh….”
“I…I don’t think you’re weird. I think that this is what that makes Jungsu rather special. That he can be determined to chase for his dreams and his desired character. But he is doing it the wrong way. There can be way, for Jungsu to gain confidence. And…And I’m willing to help. I…won’t shun Jungsu…Because… I like him too....”
Kangin’s hands suddenly grabbed Jungsu’s hands, to interlock their fingers together tightly. It was as though warmth had covered and wrapped around Jungsu’s body then, and his ears had been stuffed with a thousand cotton pads.
Everything that he wished to hear from Kangin’s mouth was all being said now. Jungsu couldn’t believe it at all. What had exactly happened? One moment, his world was falling down. And it was lifted up again.
“Wh-don’t cry! Aish!” Kangin’s left hand had left his, and his fingers had wiped away something from his face.
He was crying?
Jungsu didn’t know. He only recognized Kangin’s touch, and with each swipe of his thumb that was wiping away the tears, there was a slight jolt that would run through his body. It was real, whatever that just happened.
It wasn’t a dream. Was it?
“It’s not! Stop talking to yourself already yah! You haven’t told me if you would want me to help you or not.” Kangin whined, a adorable pout on his red face. Jungsu laughed, in despite of his tears.
“Pabo. Of course… I would want you to help me… I’m just too happy… Too happy…”
-
Almost the whole club had known their relationship just a few hours later after the incident outside the club. This was weird. The both of them didn’t even talk yet, and Eunhyuk was already snickering at him. Everyone didn’t hesitate to tease the new couple, which resulted in Kangin snapping at them.
The couples in the clubs had congratulated them as well, including Shindong.
It was sudden for him. Just a few days ago, he had been planning about how he should confess to Jungsu. And now, Jungsu had been taken away. Still, even though he didn’t get to share happiness with Jungsu, seeing Jungsu’s happy face was enough for him.
Jungsu’s happiness was all to Shindong. Besides… Kibum had asked Shindong out too. Maybe this can be a fresh start for him and to Jungsu as well.
Leeteuk had to appear every time a concert is due, and he kept to himself mostly. Kangin didn’t hate him, but instead adored Leeteuk as well, surprisingly, seeing how Leeteuk would annoy Kangin each time they talked.
Whenever there wasn’t a concert coming, Kangin would always stay with Jungsu, teaching him to be confidence of himself.
This went on for the next few months.
Things went on smoothly. But one night, before a performance, Leeteuk had suddenly offered a stick to Kangin. The other male had refused, though. Leeteuk didn’t have any change in reaction, putting the stick into his mouth and lighting it up.
There was silence, like always. Kangin pulled a chair out, preparing to get as comfortable as he can in the smoky air. But the silence was broken soon.
“You know something? I’ve always known that I will disappear someday. To be part of Jungsu and his daily life, instead of having my own thoughts apart from him. But I’ve never thought that it would arrive so soon.”
A dry chuckle was emitted from the lips of Leeteuk.
“I may be just a personality off Jungsu as well. But I’m him, ultimately. I still have feelings. I like you as well.” There was a thick silence, as the burnt end of the stick glowed. Kangin looked surprised, but not as surprised as Leeteuk thought he would be.
“I’m sorry… But the person that I love is Jungsu and Jungsu only. You might be part of him, but to me you’re still not the complete him. You may think that you’re going to disappear soon, but please don’t think it like that way. Jungsu now, is doing his best to be like you. You wouldn’t disappear. But you would be coming back as a complete person, as Jungsu.”
Leeteuk looked shocked for a moment, his beautifully painted eyes widened. But he gained his composure back, a small smile stretching his black painted lips. “…Probably. Perhaps this is why Jungsu adores you so much.”
“Really? I’m Korea’s number one handsome guy all right.”
“Spare me the agony.”
“You should be feeling honored!"
“…”
-
The following week, Jungsu had gained his confidence tremendously. Being able to dance and sing on the same stage where Leeteuk had dominated once before, Jungsu was a free bird. And when he had placed makeup on, Jungsu didn’t turn into Leeteuk anymore.
Jungsu was himself.
Kangin had been happy for him, but he felt a slight sadness for Leeteuk as well.But Kangin didn’t forget what he had said. Leeteuk wasn’t gone. He only came back to be part of Jungsu, to complete what Jungsu was.
“Younwoon-ah! Help me with this zip! I can’t pull it up.”
“Right right.” Now that his dainty princess had become a fiery spitfire, Kangin couldn’t really blame anyone else for it. He could see the resemblance with Leeteuk sometimes too, especially whenever Jungsu was mad.
“Yah! Hurry up! Manager-hyung is going to scream at us again if you don’t hurry!”
“I’m coming!”