dead hearts are everywhere
Title: dead hearts are everywhere [ pt. 1 here]
Pairing: hakyeon/jaehwan + wonsik
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 8186
Summary: The change wasn't always a bad thing, at least not once he started learning to control himself...
Warnings: mentions of death
A/N: the wolf au!! 2 years after the first story. #yolo
"I wanted to be a better brother, better son,
wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done" - twenty one pilots, "Polarize"
01. The change wasn’t always a bad thing, at least not once he started learning to control himself - although he was still learning.
It was then mid-winter, and the night sky was clear - stars easily visible as their single-story house was in a clearing in the forest, far from the congestion of the city (as per Hakyeon’s request). The moon reflected off of the snow that covered the ground and clung to the bare branches of the trees; it was untouched, and almost enticing.
“I want to go outside tonight,” Hakyeon had told Jaehwan earlier that day. It sounded like a statement, but in reality he was asking for permission.
Jaehwan looked up from what he was doing, which was adding hot water to a cup that was going to be tea, and asked, “Are you sure?”
There was a sad look in his eyes that rubbed Hakyeon the wrong way, irritation prickling under his skin, and he snapped, “I’m fine. I’ve been fine, and you know it.
The outbursts didn’t shock Jaehwan, he simply nodded, walking to the table to place the tea in front of Hakyeon before kneeling on the floor next to him and running his fingers through his hair, ruffling it up while Hakyeon glared at him but didn’t smack him away. “I know,” his voice was gentle - he was always gentle, “I know. I was just double-checking.”
Hakyeon sighed, resting his head on the table. He hadn’t left the house since he killed the cat, almost two years before, afraid that he’d hurt someone else - and something much bigger than a cat - but that night he was itching to get out. He never touched the tea, but Jaehwan didn’t say anything about it.
When the sun started to set, Hakyeon got restless. He always got antsy before the change, pacing around the main room of the house, wandering down the hallway and opening doors only to forget what he wanted and close it again.
Jaehwan was eating when he shifted, and didn’t even look up when Hakyeon bounded into the room on four legs, chasing his tail in a single circled before staring at him expectantly.
“I know,” Jaehwan told him. “Just let me finish this.” He had a cold piece of pizza in his hand from the day before and it was almost gone, so he would have been done in a couple of minutes, but he got up for a glass of water and when he turned around Hakyeon had snatched it from his plate and was busy chomping on it. Jaehwan chuckled and nodded. “Okay, we can go out now.”
Hakyeon beat him to the back door, bouncing on his front paws, tail whipping from side to side. Jaehwan had barely opened it before he was barreling outside, only running a few feet before rolling onto his back in the snow. He got back up and made a lap around the yard before Jaehwan called him and he sprinted over, jumping into his arms and knocking him down, tail wagging as he left wet kisses all over the other’s face. Jaehwan threw his head back, laughing open-mouthed. “Are you happy?”
Hakyeon yipped in response before jumping off and running around again, but then something caught his eye - some kind of animal in the bushes - and he took off into the trees. Jaehwan called after him and tried to follow, but the brush was thick and Hakyeon showed no sign of returning. Then a gunshot echoed in the air, and panic caused Jaehwan’s heart to leap to his throat. He ran faster and yelled louder, but Hakyeon hadn’t managed to get very far and he was able to find him quickly. He was on the ground and he was whimpering, but he seemed fine - or at least more fine than he could have been.
Hakyeon lifted his head when he heard his footsteps and his eyes softened, but Jaehwan could tell he was scared. “It’s okay,” he whispered, kneeling next to him, “it’s okay.” Hakyeon rested his head on the ground, relaxing more as Jaehwan continued to speak words of comfort while looking for the wound, which despite matting his fur in blood was difficult to find in the dark, but he did find it, on his upper thigh. “I guess we’re lucky that whoever did this is a terrible shot,” he said, and Hakyeon huffed, but whether or not it was an agreement Jaehwan couldn’t tell.
“Is that your dog? I’m so sorry,” came a voice from behind him.
Jaehwan jumped, startled, before saying, “He’s not a dog.”
The stranger scoffed, “Could’ve fooled me.” He knelt next to Jaehwan, making him feel a little uncomfortable. “Shouldn’t you put a collar on him or something?”
“God, that’s so fucked up,” he muttered. “Look: could you help me carry him back to the house? I don’t think I can lift him on my own.”
“Don’t you want to take him to a vet?”
Jaehwan shook his head. “That’s not an option.” The man didn’t question further, and was about to scoop Hakyeon up, but the second he touched him a growl rumbled in his throat and he bared his teeth. “Hey,” Jaehwan put a hand on him, near his shoulder, letting him know he was still there. “It’s okay, he’s here to help. He’s not going to hurt you.” Hakyeon sighed, unimpressed, but he relaxed, letting his head fall back onto the ground. He didn’t like it, and he didn’t trust the man (and considering he had just shot him, he felt justified in his distrust), but he trusted Jaehwan. He let the stranger lift him, which he did with an ease that made Hakyeon feel small and Jaehwan feel weak.
It turned out that the man’s name was Wonsik, and he felt immensely apologetic. He had been aiming for the rabbit Hakyeon was chasing, and if Hakyeon had been just a bit faster he wouldn’t have been hit. It was a comfort to Jaehwan that Hakyeon wasn’t the target, but Hakyeon was still bitter.
Wonsik lived in a house about a mile south, at the edge of the forest, a statement that surprised Hakyeon. Having been secluded for two years, he wasn’t as aware as Jaehwan of the residential development encroaching on a place to which he had sought refuge - not only to protect himself, but others. The thought made him anxious.
They made it back before Hakyeon expected, the warmth of the house jolting him from his thoughts. Jaehwan placed a towel on the couch and had Wonsik place him there, knowing Hakyeon wouldn’t be able to jump up onto to it on his own after. Wonsik tried to help Jaehwan patch him up, but being in his own house Hakyeon had decided he’d overstayed his welcome and snapped at him every time his hands came near. Jaehwan apologized, telling him that out in the woods Hakyeon didn’t see many people, so the distrust was nothing personal. Regardless, Wonsik stayed until Jaehwan finished the bandages, his guilt preventing him from leaving until it was sorted out - and even when it was, he gave Jaehwan his phone number; in case there were any complications that required medical attention, saying he would pay for them. It wouldn’t be necessary, but Jaehwan wouldn’t tell him that, letting him have the small comfort as he walked out the door.
When Wonsik left, Jaehwan went into the bedroom and grabbed a blanket and a pillow, bringing them back to the main room. He wrapped the blanket around Hakyeon, making sure he was warm before putting the pillow down for himself and crawling behind Hakyeon to wrap his arms around him. He drew circles in the other’s fur with his thumbs and felt the other finally relax. “You did well,” he said, barely loud enough for him to hear. He knew how difficult it had been for Hakyeon to hold himself back. “I’m proud of you.”
02. Wonsik returned several weeks later, and Hakyeon wasn’t pleased. He had been laying on the couch trying to get some sleep before night came (he’d be changing, he could feel it), when there was a knock on the door. He looked for Jaehwan, but the other was in a different room and must not have heard it.
He pushed himself off of the couch, however begrudgingly. and made his way to the door. There were no windows near it, no way to know who was there before opening it, and when he opened it and found Wonsik standing outside, dark hair disheveled and breath coming out in puffs, he made a mental note to ask Jaehwan if they could install some later. The man had barely opened his mouth to say something before Hakyeon closed the door in his face.
“Is there someone at the door?” Of course Jaehwan had to choose that moment to poke his head into the hallway.
Hakyeon shook his head. “No, I thought I heard something.” He was turning around to go back to the couch when there was a knock again and he stiffened, stopping dead in his tracks as if he were physically caught in his lie.
Jaehwan’s expression fell. “Hakyeon.” The tone of his voice was enough to cause Hakyeon to lower his eyes in shame as a he turned back and opened the door to reveal a shivering Wonsik. Jaehwan was surprised, but let him in anyway. Hakyeon poked his head out the door while the other helped Wonsik with his coat, and noticed the sun was setting.
Wonsik apologized for dropping in so suddenly, but he had no way to contact Jaehwan and had wanted to make sure Hakyeon was all right. What he didn’t realize was Hakyeon was standing right behind him. “How has he been?”
Jaehwan motioned to wear Hakyeon was standing. “Why don’t you ask him?”
He looked back and forth from Jaehwan to Hakyeon with a puzzled expression. “Didn’t you have a dog?”
Hakyeon chuckled. He had moved to the kitchen where Jaehwan was, on the other side of the counter from Wonsik, and was standing next to him, head resting on his shoulder and finding comfort in the younger’s arm around him, fingers resting on his waist. “Not dog - wolf.”
Wonsik sat in a tall chair on his side of the counter when he realized, and a single syllable left his lips: “Oh.” He had heard of it before, lonely souls trapped in a cycle of bloodlust, but he didn’t know anything other than how it was portrayed in government messages and dramatic media. He wasn’t scared, but curious.
Jaehwan pulled himself from Hakyeon to get a glass of water, and also poured one for Wonsik. When he handed it to him, their fingers touched, and Hakyeon watched with cold eyes. It didn’t mean anything, it wasn’t supposed to mean anything, but Hakyeon had never had to compete for Jaehwan’s attention - especially not on nights like this. He came up behind Jaehwan, wrapping his arms around his torso, but Jaehwan used his free hand to detach them from him. Hakyeon sighed and glared at him, but it was time for him to leave the room anyway.
When he came back, he was on four legs, and Wonsik let out a surprised shout, drawing his legs up onto his chair. Jaehwan laughed through his nose. “Relax,” he told him. “Remember: you picked him up a few weeks ago. He’s no different now that you know who he is.”
Wonsik took his feet off of the chair, but he was still nervous, stiff in his movements, and Hakyeon noticed, approaching him and placing his head in his lap. Wonsik bit his lip in uncertainty, not sure where to put his hands, but Hakyeon solved that for him by sticking his nose under one of them, forcing it onto his head. A smile made its way to Wonsik’s lips as he realized that Hakyeon just wanted his attention, and ruffled the fur on his head between his ears. Hakyeon was a light brown, like chestnut, with matching brown eyes closed in content. “Is he always this calm?”
Jaehwan sighed, shaking his head. “As far as I understand - you’d have to ask him to be sure - there’s a lot going on in his head, and it’s hard for him to push down. I think he’s trying really hard to leave a good impression.” Hakyeon’s tail was moving back and forth in a slow motion, and they all remained in an understanding silence until Jaehwan grabbed a bottle of wine and a couple glasses, gesturing for Wonsik to follow him to the couch. Hakyeon jumped onto before him, placing his head (along with the front half of his body) in Jaehwan’s lap. He apologized with a smile as Wonsik sat on what little bit was left of the cushion. “We never have guests, so I never realized he was the jealous type.” Hakyeon pressed his nose into Jaehwan’s hand, as if he were trying to knock the glass out of it, but it hadn’t been filled yet.
Jaehwan and Wonsik chattered into the night, and the longer they talked the more Hakyeon found himself in a state of discomfort. He didn’t like sharing his time, and every time he thought the conversation was dying down, Jaehwan struck it up again. He was trying his best to remain patient, but after a couple hours, something in him snapped.
The wine bottle had since been emptied, and Wonsik was reaching over to hand Jaehwan his empty class to be put on the table on the opposite side of the couch. None of them knew what happened in that moment, whether he accidentally touched Hakyeon wrong or if Hakyeon was just being snippish (it was more than likely a combination of the two), but the second his glass was in Jaehwan’s hand, Hakyeon was attached to his arm, sinking his teeth in.
Jaehwan stood up from the couch the second it happened, putting the glasses down and grabbing Hakyeon by the back of the neck to try and pull him off while Wonsik tried to pry his teeth from his arm, but Hakyeon had a good hold, and blood was trickling from his forearm and dripping off of his fingers. Jaehwan tried yelling at him, but he didn’t budge until Wonsik got the idea to pinch his nose, and he had to let go to breathe.
Once Hakyeon had let go, Jaehwan held onto him tightly, arms around his neck, trying to get him to calm down and stop growling. Wonsik was at the kitchen sink, rinsing his arm off and wincing as the stream came into direct contact with the wounds. Jaehwan apologized profusely, continuing to hold Hakyeon while Wonsik dressed the wound, but it wasn’t his place to do so and Wonsik knew it. He left without a goodbye, almost forgetting his coat on the way out, but Jaehwan didn’t try to stop him.
Jaehwan didn’t let go of Hakyeon until Wonsik was safely out the door and he heard it shut, and watched as Hakyeon ran to it, scratching at its base. It was then that Jaehwan realized Wonsik was lucky to even leave with his arm intact.
Hakyeon stopped when he heard a door slam, and followed the noise to the bedroom door. He tried to push it open with his nose, but Jaehwan had closed it all the way. “You can sleep on the couch,” Jaehwan yelled from the other side when he started to whine, but Hakyeon never left the outside of the door, pacing and whimpering long into the morning.
The worst part of the change, to Hakyeon, was when he changed back, naked and shivering. It wasn’t because Jaehwan hadn’t seen him without clothes before - that wasn’t even the case - but because after the change he was left feeling vulnerable, and the guilt twisting in his stomach that morning wasn’t helping.
When Jaehwan opened the door, he looked exhausted. He did a good job at ignoring Hakyeon through the night, but that did nothing to say for how well he had slept. Hakyeon immediately clung to him, kissing up and down his neck in a wordless apology, but Jaehwan wouldn’t accept it, using both of his arms to push him off.
“I’m sorry,” Hakyeon whispered.
“Get dressed.” Jaehwan’s voice was without conviction, and Hakyeon could tell he didn’t want to see him.
“I-”
“It’s not me you need to apologize to.”
Hakyeon watched as Jaehwan continued to the main room of the house, and quickly got dressed with the first clothes he found (a t-shirt and a pair of sweats) so he could follow. The younger was making coffee that morning, as opposed to tea, probably so he didn’t have to share, knowing Hakyeon wouldn’t touch it. He tried to wrap his arms around him, whispering apologies, but Jaehwan kept pushing him off. “Do you even know what to be sorry for?”
He opened and closed his mouth several times, but couldn’t formulate his thoughts. “But he-”
“He didn’t do anything, Hakyeon, and you just jumped on him.” He wasn’t yelling, but he was no longer being gentle with his tone of voice. “You bit him. You promised me you’d never do that.”
Hakyeon started to shake. He was staring at the ground and his voice cracked when he spoke, “I didn’t mean-”
“You don’t just accidentally ruin someone’s life!”
Hakyeon could feel his disappointment like a weight, and it was suffocating him. His lip was quivering as he spoke, “Did...Did I ruin yours, too?”
He didn’t see Jaehwan’s expression soften, but he heard it in his voice, “Hakyeon.” Hakyeon sunk onto his knees and held his face in his hands. He didn’t sob, but the tears slipped down his cheeks and past his fingers. “Hakyeon,” Jaehwan repeated. “This isn’t about me right now.” He grabbed his coffee mug, taking it with him as he left the room, stepping around Hakyeon to avoid touching him. It hurt him just as badly, but he knew if he gave Hakyeon the comfort he sought, then nothing would be learnt from it.
Hakyeon wanted to follow him, but his actions were finally weighing on him, and he couldn’t bring himself to get up. Instead, he let himself fall lower onto the wooden floor, until he was curled up in a ball on his side, and continued to cry until he fell asleep - which he didn’t even notice he did until he woke up.
03. Another several weeks passed, and Hakyeon found himself feeling increasingly lost. He was trying his best to make up for his actions, but he could feel a rift between them, despite how much Jaehwan denied any existence of one. He wasn’t cold to Hakyeon, but kept a distance, sleeping facing away from Hakyeon instead of holding him or pulling away from his touches.
Hakyeon was laying on the couch, a thin blanket pulled over him, and despite being dressed and warm, he was still shaking. With all of his thoughts and feelings clouding his head, the change the night before had been rough. He made Jaehwan leave ahead of time, too afraid of hurting him, and as he laid there with the sun rising, he was beginning to regret it. He wanted to feel Jaehwan’s arms around him, drink in his scent, and just let the other’s presence wash over him and calm his nerves - but he couldn’t. He didn’t know where Jaehwan was or when he would come back, as he purposefully told Jaehwan to withhold those details from him. What he did know was that he missed Jaehwan so much it ached in his bones, and he was counting the minutes until his return.
There was a knock at the door and Hakyeon immediately roused himself from a daydream to check it. It didn’t occur to him that Jaehwan would have had no need to knock.
When he opened it, Wonsik was on the other side, but he wasn’t sincere as he had been during the previous visit; he was angry, expression dark. He pushed himself in without a word and punched Hakyeon in the face.
Hakyeon was caught off-guard, stumbling backwards, and Wonsik pursued, pushing him down. He felt his ankle twist as he fell, but didn’t have much time to process it as Wonsik was on top of him, attacking him again. He tried to fight back, but he couldn’t get any sort of footing when Wonsik was hovering above him like that, legs on either side of him. By the time Jaehwan returned, both Hakyeon’s face and Wonsik’s knuckles were bruised and bloody.
When the situation was under control, Jaehwan was sitting on the couch with Hakyeon tucked into his side, still shaken. Wonsik had since calmed down and was sitting on the other side with his head in his hands. He was struggling to keep his breathing under control, and they saw him wipe tears from his face more than a few times. Jaehwan was about to ask what was wrong when he finally spoke, voice small and weak, on the verge of breaking. “Hakyeon,” he began, “have you ever killed a man?”
Hakyeon lifted his head from Jaehwan’s shoulder and shook it lightly from side-to-side. “Not a person,” he said softly, “but we had a cat once.” He was going to try to explain better, but the words got stuck in his throat and his voice trailed off. He had never truly talked about it in the time that passed, as the only other person he ever saw since then had been there when it happened.
He realized then that Wonsik had come to them instead of someone else not because he was pissed at Hakyeon, but because he had nowhere else to go.
Wonsik screwed his eyes shut tight, still holding back his sobs in a way that looked physically painful. He tried to take a deep breath, but it caught and he had to put a hand over his mouth.
Jaehwan, who had been sympathetic before, was becoming anxious. “How did you get here?”
Hakyeon answered for him, “He walked. There’s no car outside. Why?”
“Because if someone saw him that puts all three of us in danger.” He couldn’t move from the couch because of Hakyeon clinging to him, but he put a hand on Wonsik’s shoulder, feeling a twinge of sadness when the other flinched. “Can you tell us what happened?”
He shook his head, wiping his eyes and sniffling. “No. No, I can’t remember anything I just-” he paused to collect himself, “we were having a night in, just the two of us, relaxing, and then,” he was struggling to continue, and Jaehwan told him to take it easy. “I,” another breath, “I don’t remember exactly what happened, not until morning came and I saw...I tore him apart. I...oh my god-” he finally broke down, as trying to talk through everything finally made him realize that it was true, no matter how much he tried to wish it away. He fell onto his side, taking the nearby throw pillow into his arms and biting into it while his sobs shook his body. “He had no idea. He trusted me and I- this is all my fault.”
“Wonsik,” Jaehwan tried to cut in, but he wouldn’t listen.
“Don’t tell me it’s not,” he said. “He hated the hunting, I should have listened, I shouldn’t have gone out. He asked me to stay in that night and if I had just done what he said I wouldn’t have been out and I wouldn’t have met you and this wouldn’t have happened.” Hakyeon shrunk into Jaehwan visibly, feeling guilty. “Taekwoon, I’m so sorry.” He bit into the pillow again, trying to muffle his wails between repetitions of different apologies, and Jaehwan and Hakyeon remained silent. They didn’t tell him what they knew, that “sorry” wouldn’t fix anything - “sorry” wouldn’t bring him back.
They waited for him to calm down, however long that was, when his breathing had finally evened out and his face was puffy from crying, and Jaehwan asked the question that had been burning in the back of his mind since he saw Wonsik. “Did anyone follow you?”
Wonsik sat up, but still held onto the pillow, keeping it close to his chest. “I don’t think so,” his voice was small as he spoke.
“I really need you to be sure.”
“There was no one out when I left, I made sure of that.” He started picking at the edges of the pillow where there were some loose threads. “We could go out to cover up the tracks, but it’s been snowing all day. I don’t think we’d need to.” Jaehwan stared, but didn’t say anything, expecting him to say more, but it took him several minutes to pick up on it. “I don’t think anyone has noticed yet, if that’s what you’re wondering.” Jaehwan breathed a small sigh of relief. “Why?”
“If someone knew you were here, we’d have to ask you to leave,” he explained. “If the police came looking for you, they’d find Hakyeon, too.”
Wonsik was confused, and it showed on his face. “Isn’t he registered?”
Under any other circumstances, they would have laughed, but at moment their lips didn’t even twitch. “No one does that,” Hakyeon said. There was a government policy that wolves had to register themselves - almost as if they were actually dogs - and if they were seen as a threat to the public they would be “taken care of” accordingly. It seemed like a good idea on paper, but people were so afraid of what they didn’t understand that in practice it was easily taken advantage of. It was why they lived so far from everyone else and why Hakyeon never left the house.
“Have you ever met anyone who was registered? Or would admit to it?” Jaehwan added, and Wonsik shaking his head made it clear that he’d gotten his point across. “You didn’t do anything stupid after Hakyeon attacked you, did you?”
“No,” he held the pillow close to his chest again. “I was too scared. Taekwoon wanted me to go to the hospital, but I told him it was no big deal. Just an accident. Do you,” he trailed off, breaking eye contact, “do you think I could have saved him if I did?”
Jaehwan shook his head. “You can’t think about it like that. And even if you had, I don’t think he would have let you be alone.” He looked at the clock and noticed it was getting late, and suggested they all get some rest for the morning. He was going to suggest that Wonsik sleep in the bed with them, but then Hakyeon elbowed his side and shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’ll get you a blanket.” He left and returned, and each time Hakyeon was trailing behind him. He had been attached to his side since he came home from wherever he had been the night before, and it wasn’t clear if he was afraid of Wonsik or afraid for Jaehwan. Regardless of the reason, it was making the situation even more painful than it already was.
Hakyeon didn’t relax until Jaehwan was laying next to him in bed, and he made sure he wrapped his arms tightly around him. “Hakyeon,” he murmured into the other’s shirt, trying to push himself away and get some space, “you don’t need to protect me.” Hakyeon loosened his hold, allowing Jaehwan to move so he was comfortable, but he didn’t remove his arms from him. He knew Jaehwan didn’t need him to hover like he was, but he also knew how much Jaehwan had sacrificed over time for Hakyeon’s sake, and he couldn’t think of any other way to return the favour.
04. Having another person in the house was a hard adjustment for everyone. It had barely been a week and with each day it became more and more obvious that Wonsik wasn’t going to be able to go back. It took three days for people to notice Taekwoon was missing and another to figure out why, and the culprit was obvious when Wonsik wasn’t around to speak for himself. It was a waiting game, and it was driving him crazy.
Hakyeon still didn’t stop hovering around Jaehwan, and when he wasn’t home, he paced, muttered words under his breath, sat by the window in another room. Not matter what he did, he didn’t let the front of the yard out of his sight. If Jaehwan was late, the only things that went through his mind were things that could have gone wrong, and he started to panic. It made Wonsik nervous to be in the same room as him, and he spent most of the days trying to block out Hakyeon’s ramblings.
But there was a particularly awful night where he couldn’t ignore him. Earlier in the week, it had seemed as if winter was finally letting up, but in the middle of the day a large blizzard hit that caught everyone off-guard. Hakyeon watched out the window, nervously tapping his foot, but then he made the mistake of looking at the clock.
Jaehwan was thirty minutes late.
Panic overtook Hakyeon almost instantly. A lot could happen in thirty minutes. The roads certainly weren’t clear to the house - most people didn’t even know the house existed. Maybe he was just taking his time, trying to stay safe, but there were still so many awful possibilities, and his mind wouldn’t stop playing them over and over.
Wonsik had been on his way to grab a glass of water from the kitchen when he saw Hakyeon laying curled in the hallway, whimpering and sniffling. He stopped and approached him warily, kneeling next to him slowly. “Hey,” he tapped him lightly on the shoulder but quickly recoiled when Hakyeon flinched. He had been walking on eggshells around Hakyeon ever since he’d arrived, and wasn’t sure how close he could get. “What’s wrong?”
Hakyeon was able to pull his upper body from the floor and wiped his eyes with his sleeves. He looked small, almost childlike, and absolutely pitiful. “Jaehwan’s late.” His eyes were still swimming with tears but he was doing his best to hold them back. “What if he’s not coming back?”
That particular question did not occur to Wonsik, but seeing how dependent Hakyeon had been on Jaehwan’s presence, it didn’t surprise him that the other had come to that conclusion. “Hey, don’t say that,” he kept his voice soft, almost whispering, “he’s coming back.”
“How do you know?”
“Well, why wouldn’t he?” It was the wrong thing to ask, as Hakyeon started sobbing again. He was barely able to sit up, and ended up falling into Wonsik’s arms, face buried in his chest. Wonsik was surprised at first, not sure what to do, but when Hakyeon clung onto him, he wrapped his arms around him. “He always comes back, Hakyeon. He’s not going to leave you alone.” He repeated words of similar sentiment, gently rubbing small circles into his back, but Hakyeon had so many scenarios in his head outside of anyone’s control that it was difficult to convince him of anything else.
Jaehwan didn’t return until another forty-five minutes had passed, and was shocked to see both Hakyeon and Wonsik on the floor, Hakyeon still crying softly, a wet spot evident on the front of Wonsik’s shirt. “What happened?”
Wonsik didn’t answer him directly, instead removing one of his hands from Hakyeon’s back and bringing a finger to his lips, telling Jaehwan to be quiet. He looked down at Hakyeon before moving the hair out of his eyes. “I told you he’d be back.”
Hakyeon stopped crying almost instantly, sitting up and wiping his eyes furiously. Jaehwan sat down behind him, taking him in his arms and placing light kisses to his head. Hakyeon turned around in his hold and grabbed onto him, burying his face in the crook of his neck, trying to take everything in. “Did you really think I wouldn’t come back?” Jaehwan asked, and when the other nodded, he was heartbroken. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Look at me.” He grabbed Hakyeon by the shoulders and forced him to look him in the eyes. “I’ll always come back.”
---Hakyeon was still making Wonsik sleep on the couch, despite how much he had helped him that night, but since then winter had come to close, and with the change in seasons also came a change in weather.
It was somewhere along the border of “late night” and “early morning,” but the sky was lighting up with lightning strikes. Hakyeon was clinging to Jaehwan, face buried, trying to use him to block everything out. He hated thunderstorms, not only were they too loud, but he anticipated each crash and it became extended torture. Jaehwan remained awake for him, stroking his hair and pressing kisses to his forehead to try and keep him grounded. It made Hakyeon feel guilty, knowing that Jaehwan worked so hard during the day and now he was keeping him up, but at the same time he was scared and didn’t want to face it alone.
The storm was still going strong after an hour, when Jaehwan realized something and stopped with his hand still in Hakyeon’s hair. “What about Wonsik?” he asked. Hakyeon didn’t answer, instead squirming closer. “I’m serious.”
Hakyeon sighed, but pulled himself off of Jaehwan with a bit of effort. “Go get him.” His hands were shaking, as well as his voice, and despite the fact that the only reason he was complying was so that Jaehwan wouldn’t keep bringing it up, it was still appreciated.
Jaehwan left with the promise to be back quickly, and when he entered the main room of the house, he at first thought he wouldn’t have anything to worry about. At first glance it just seemed like Wonsik was asleep, buried under the covers, but upon watching more closely, he saw that he was shaking. Jaehwan called his name and he sat up at a speed that would make anyone dizzy. “Relax,” he said. “Hakyeon said you could sleep with us.” Wonsik was visibly relieved, but controlled his actions as he got up to follow, trying not to look to eager, but he was just as scared as Hakyeon and desperately didn’t want to be alone.
Hakyeon had made a space for them on either side of him, and Jaehwan took his typical spot while Wonsik took the other. Jaehwan had barely gotten under the covers before Hakyeon was hooked to him again, but Wonsik was still unsure. It took him a minute to become comfortable laying down next to them, unsure how defensive Hakyeon would be, but after the next clap of thunder he was clinging to Hakyeon, arms wrapped tightly around him.
Hakyeon was more relaxed than anyone expected, not even reacting to Wonsik holding onto him. It was comforting, in fact, for him to have both of them on either side of him, and he was able to remain calm. He even fell asleep before the storm ended, something he couldn’t remember doing before.
When he woke up, Jaehwan had already left the house, but Wonsik was still wrapped around him, one of his legs finding a place over his waist during the night. Hakyeon didn’t move, instead sinking further into the touch, and wondered if in his unconscious state Wonsik knew it was Hakyeon he was wrapped around and not Taekwoon. It had been a while since he shared a bed with anyone, after all.
He didn’t move until he heard Jaehwan come in the door. He was hours early, and Hakyeon was concerned, but Jaehwan’s face showed no signs of trouble. He heard Wonsik grumble something under his breath as his movements roused him from sleep.
There were a bunch of papers in Jaehwan’s hands, and he sat down at the table with a pen and started looking through them, filling out information corresponding with what was asked. Hakyeon came up behind him and rested his head on his shoulder before asking what they were.
“Job applications,” Jaehwan answered.
Hakyeon stood up straight, confused. “What about your other one?” As far as he knew, Jaehwan had a nice office job. It had decent pay, or at least enough to keep up with the payments for the house and their other needs in between.
“There is no other one.” His response was too calm, and it scared Hakyeon. “I took too much time off to stay here.”
Hakyeon felt his stomach drop and he left the room, going back to the bedroom and closing the door before laying down and curling into a ball. He clung to one of the pillows, but he didn’t cry. He got lost in his thoughts, not sure what to do.
There was a hand on his shoulder and he almost screamed in shock. He had forgotten Wonsik was still there.
“What’s wrong?” Those seemed to be the only words Wonsik ever said to him.
He sighed, not facing him. “I’m ruining everything.” He paused. “Did you know Jaehwan lost his job?”
Wonsik shook his head, even though Hakyeon couldn’t see it. “No.”
“It’s my fault,” he muttered. “If I wasn’t so reliant on him and didn’t need him so bad or if I-”
“Stop.”
Hakyeon closed his mouth, but it didn’t help how he felt. “He tries so hard,” he was speaking into the pillow, words barely recognizable. “He tries so hard and I can’t do anything in return and now he’s suffering for it and I-”
“Stop,” Wonsik repeated. Hakyeon turned his head and was about to protest, but he cut him off. “It’s true he tries hard, and it’s also true that we haven’t done anything to show for it,” he ran his fingers through Hakyeon’s hair, having learnt from watching Jaehwan that he found this action soothing, “but he’s not suffering. He’s never once complained.” Hakyeon turned over and buried himself in Wonsik’s shirt, but for once he didn’t cry.
He sighed, and then breathed him in, realizing that while maybe he didn’t do anything wrong by Jaehwan, he hadn’t been kind to Wonsik until the night before, and the man didn’t deserve it. He hadn’t caused any trouble other than the day he had barged into the house, lost and confused after one of the worst nights of his life and unsure where to place his anger. Maybe his distrust seemed reasonable at first, but not anymore, when he spent most of his time trying to stay out of the way.
Hakyeon pulled back to look at him and saw sadness in his eyes, but didn’t know what it was from or what he could do to fix it. Maybe he had caused it. Wonsik’s fingers were still in his hair when he leaned up to kiss him.
Wonsik was surprised by the sudden action and pulled back. “What was that?”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay I just-”
“That’s not what I meant.” He was embarrassed now, he felt his own face heat up. “I was trying to apologize. For how rude I was before.” Wonsik nodded in understanding, and didn’t pull away when Hakyeon leaned in the second time.
They didn’t notice the door open and Jaehwan poke his head in until he cleared his throat. “Am I interrupting anything?” They were both embarrassed, but Hakyeon immediately hid his face under the blankets, leaving Wonsik to fend for himself.
“No, no.” He pulled the blanket off of Hakyeon, who hit him with the pillow in return, then moved over, clearing room for Jaehwan on the bed. “Come here, actually,” he said, patting the spot he had just made. Jaehwan raised an eyebrow but entered the room anyway, kneeling on the spot on the bed Wonsik had motioned to. “Get comfortable. I think Hakyeon needs to talk to you. Ow!” Hakyeon had hit him again, glaring. He didn’t want to talk to Jaehwan. He knew his fears, while seemingly well-grounded, were false, and he wasn’t in the mood to rehash it.
Jaehwan seemed to notice and reached across to place a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay.” He smiled, eyes lighting up in a way that smoothed everything over. It was fine. Jaehwan wasn’t mad at him or burdened by him. It was fine, because Jaehwan loved him and wasn’t going anywhere, regardless of how hard it was. He told Hakyeon this as he held him, leaning across Wonsik and leaving him pinned there in an awkward position (but he didn’t say anything). Jaehwan gave Hakyeon a light kiss before pulling away and giving Wonsik some breathing room. Hakyeon had small smile on his face. For the first time in a long time, things seemed to be falling into place.
05. It became a lot easier, the adjustment from two to three, due largely to the fact that Wonsik had already been staying with them for so long. He had felt guilty the first few weeks of being there, taking refuge in their home without anything to give in return, but had since found that he gave back in a way much more substantial than he originally thought. His presence eased Hakyeon’s separation anxiety when Jaehwan was gone, and while this usually meant Hakyeon was shadowing him, at least he was no longer pacing at the door. It made Wonsik’s heart ache whenever he thought about how Hakyeon had had to deal with it on his own for two years, having to face his greatest fear for several hours everyday, but the fact that he had gotten through it spoke loudly for a strength Hakyeon didn’t even see within himself.
The nights when they changed, however, became a lot more unstable. What had kept Jaehwan safe before was a sense of control he had been able to create and maintain, but with Wonsik in the house there was more energy between him and Hakyeon and the scale was starting to tip.
It was one of those nights, and Jaehwan had taken to the couch while Hakyeon and Wonsik were busy chasing each other around and nipping at each other’s heels, when Wonsik jumped onto the couch with him, staring down at Hakyeon who let out a frustrated whine.
And then, for the first time since the night two years ago when he had killed the cat, something got the better of Hakyeon, and his thoughts blacked out.
---When he snapped out of it, he was laying in the middle of the floor with a massive headache. He looked around and saw that the small table next to the couch was broken, two of the legs knocked out from under it.
Wonsik was trying to clean up some of the mess, and Hakyeon noticed bandages on his arms, one of which had bled through. He sat up, and Wonsik told him to get dressed and he would talk to him after.
After he did so, he realized before leaving the bedroom that the bed itself was untouched from the day before, and when he returned to the main room he immediately asked, “Where’s Jaehwan?” It wasn’t a panicked question, he was simply curious, but Wonsik’s lack of a response when first prompted made him realize something was wrong. “Wonsik, where is he?”
Wonsik’s shoulders dropped, as if he had been hoping he wouldn’t ask, “You should sit, first.”
Hakyeon did as he was told, waiting while Wonsik filled a glass of water for each of them, but he wasn’t getting his answers quick enough. “Where is he?”
Wonsik had just sat down on the couch and was handing him the glass. He waited until the glass was fully in Hakyeon’s hand before answering, “He’s gone, Hakyeon.”
“Gone? What do you mean ‘gone?’” He wasn’t entirely sure he heard him correctly, and was hoping that it would turn out he didn’t, that there had been a mistake and Hakyeon had simply mixed up the words.
A sigh. “Do you remember anything?” Hakyeon shook his head. “You went crazy last night. Not at first, I mean, you started off fine, happy even, but then it was like someone flipped a switch. You started growling and snapping, and you didn’t care who you went for as long as they had a pulse.” Hakyeon noted the broken furniture and felt a sense of dread creep up on him.
“What about Jaehwan?”
“I did my best to get him out, and he did,” Hakyeon breathed a sigh of relief, “but not before you grabbed ahold of him.”
“But he’s alive, right?” It was the only thing he wanted to hear.
Wonsik nodded, “Yes, but I don’t know where he went or if he’ll be back.”
“When he’ll be back,” Hakyeon corrected, but all he got in return were sad eyes, and it made him feel like Wonsik was keeping information from him. He stood up from the couch, placing the water down, before grabbing a coat.
“What are you doing?”
“He could be out there. I can’t leave him alone.”
“Hakyeon-” he called after him, but the door had already slammed shut. Wonsik didn’t take time to grab a coat and followed him out, but Hakyeon had taken off running. It wasn’t until he heard a shout that he knew what direction to take, and he didn’t know what he was going to see.
Hakyeon had fallen to the ground, but he wasn’t able to get up. When Wonsik got closer, he saw that it was because his leg was caught in a leg-hold trap someone had likely forgotten. He kneeled down next to him to assess the damage, and saw that while his leg was bleeding and he was probably in a lot of pain, the trap was small and wouldn’t cause any permanent damage.
He depressed the springs with his hands, allowing Hakyeon to move his leg out of it, and then picked him up, and Hakyeon grabbed onto his shirt, crying into it. His tears weren’t because of the physical pain, but instead because Hakyeon realized that he wouldn’t be able to look for Jaehwan anymore. He felt like he’d failed him.
Hakyeon stayed in bed for days, even after his leg healed. All he could think about was Jaehwan. He would usually have the news on, hoping for any good news, that someone had found Jaehwan and he was okay, but there was nothing.
Wonsik found himself torn between looking for Jaehwan and taking care of Hakyeon, and felt guilty no matter what option he chose. If he stayed with Hakyeon, then time was lost for Jaehwan. If he was out looking for Jaehwan, he knew Hakyeon wouldn’t eat or take any other measure to care for himself.
He had been holding a lot of details from Hakyeon, such as the fact that the morning after he had spent a long time cleaning blood from the floor, hoping that Hakyeon wouldn’t wake up before he finished. Or that Jaehwan had truthfully barely made it out the door in one piece. He wasn’t sure if he was doing good by feeding Hakyeon’s sense of hope, especially since he didn’t know whether it was true or false, and was terrified of the crash it could cause later, but he also didn’t want to see Hakyeon so down, and he did anything he could to alleviate it.
He was surprised to see Hakyeon had gotten up on his own that day. He was at the door, putting on a coat and shoes. His hair was messy, as he’d probably just rolled out of bed, and he hadn’t changed his clothes in days, but there was determination and purpose on his face.
“Where are you going?” He didn’t have to ask, he already knew the answer.
Hakyeon was buttoning the coat when he stopped to look at him. “I’m going to find him.”
Wonsik stood from where he was sitting and helped Hakyeon put a scarf around his neck before reaching for his own coat. He didn’t know the scarf was Jaehwan’s, or that he was repeating a gesture Jaehwan had done for Hakyeon long before. “Can I come with you?”
“I’m not coming back until he’s found.”
He nodded, and repeated the question, and saw a small smile work its way onto Hakyeon’s lips. He honestly wanted to go with him. He had felt split in two before, going between looking for Jaehwan and taking care of Hakyeon. At least now he could do both.
They turned off the lights as they walked out the door, and it made the house look eerily empty from the outside. They didn’t take anything with them other than what was already on their backs, as if they weren’t going to take “no” for an answer.
But the door closed with such a finality that Wonsik felt it in his bones.
Pairing: hakyeon/jaehwan + wonsik
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 8186
Summary: The change wasn't always a bad thing, at least not once he started learning to control himself...
Warnings: mentions of death
A/N: the wolf au!! 2 years after the first story. #yolo
"I wanted to be a better brother, better son,
wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done" - twenty one pilots, "Polarize"
01. The change wasn’t always a bad thing, at least not once he started learning to control himself - although he was still learning.
It was then mid-winter, and the night sky was clear - stars easily visible as their single-story house was in a clearing in the forest, far from the congestion of the city (as per Hakyeon’s request). The moon reflected off of the snow that covered the ground and clung to the bare branches of the trees; it was untouched, and almost enticing.
“I want to go outside tonight,” Hakyeon had told Jaehwan earlier that day. It sounded like a statement, but in reality he was asking for permission.
Jaehwan looked up from what he was doing, which was adding hot water to a cup that was going to be tea, and asked, “Are you sure?”
There was a sad look in his eyes that rubbed Hakyeon the wrong way, irritation prickling under his skin, and he snapped, “I’m fine. I’ve been fine, and you know it.
The outbursts didn’t shock Jaehwan, he simply nodded, walking to the table to place the tea in front of Hakyeon before kneeling on the floor next to him and running his fingers through his hair, ruffling it up while Hakyeon glared at him but didn’t smack him away. “I know,” his voice was gentle - he was always gentle, “I know. I was just double-checking.”
Hakyeon sighed, resting his head on the table. He hadn’t left the house since he killed the cat, almost two years before, afraid that he’d hurt someone else - and something much bigger than a cat - but that night he was itching to get out. He never touched the tea, but Jaehwan didn’t say anything about it.
When the sun started to set, Hakyeon got restless. He always got antsy before the change, pacing around the main room of the house, wandering down the hallway and opening doors only to forget what he wanted and close it again.
Jaehwan was eating when he shifted, and didn’t even look up when Hakyeon bounded into the room on four legs, chasing his tail in a single circled before staring at him expectantly.
“I know,” Jaehwan told him. “Just let me finish this.” He had a cold piece of pizza in his hand from the day before and it was almost gone, so he would have been done in a couple of minutes, but he got up for a glass of water and when he turned around Hakyeon had snatched it from his plate and was busy chomping on it. Jaehwan chuckled and nodded. “Okay, we can go out now.”
Hakyeon beat him to the back door, bouncing on his front paws, tail whipping from side to side. Jaehwan had barely opened it before he was barreling outside, only running a few feet before rolling onto his back in the snow. He got back up and made a lap around the yard before Jaehwan called him and he sprinted over, jumping into his arms and knocking him down, tail wagging as he left wet kisses all over the other’s face. Jaehwan threw his head back, laughing open-mouthed. “Are you happy?”
Hakyeon yipped in response before jumping off and running around again, but then something caught his eye - some kind of animal in the bushes - and he took off into the trees. Jaehwan called after him and tried to follow, but the brush was thick and Hakyeon showed no sign of returning. Then a gunshot echoed in the air, and panic caused Jaehwan’s heart to leap to his throat. He ran faster and yelled louder, but Hakyeon hadn’t managed to get very far and he was able to find him quickly. He was on the ground and he was whimpering, but he seemed fine - or at least more fine than he could have been.
Hakyeon lifted his head when he heard his footsteps and his eyes softened, but Jaehwan could tell he was scared. “It’s okay,” he whispered, kneeling next to him, “it’s okay.” Hakyeon rested his head on the ground, relaxing more as Jaehwan continued to speak words of comfort while looking for the wound, which despite matting his fur in blood was difficult to find in the dark, but he did find it, on his upper thigh. “I guess we’re lucky that whoever did this is a terrible shot,” he said, and Hakyeon huffed, but whether or not it was an agreement Jaehwan couldn’t tell.
“Is that your dog? I’m so sorry,” came a voice from behind him.
Jaehwan jumped, startled, before saying, “He’s not a dog.”
The stranger scoffed, “Could’ve fooled me.” He knelt next to Jaehwan, making him feel a little uncomfortable. “Shouldn’t you put a collar on him or something?”
“God, that’s so fucked up,” he muttered. “Look: could you help me carry him back to the house? I don’t think I can lift him on my own.”
“Don’t you want to take him to a vet?”
Jaehwan shook his head. “That’s not an option.” The man didn’t question further, and was about to scoop Hakyeon up, but the second he touched him a growl rumbled in his throat and he bared his teeth. “Hey,” Jaehwan put a hand on him, near his shoulder, letting him know he was still there. “It’s okay, he’s here to help. He’s not going to hurt you.” Hakyeon sighed, unimpressed, but he relaxed, letting his head fall back onto the ground. He didn’t like it, and he didn’t trust the man (and considering he had just shot him, he felt justified in his distrust), but he trusted Jaehwan. He let the stranger lift him, which he did with an ease that made Hakyeon feel small and Jaehwan feel weak.
It turned out that the man’s name was Wonsik, and he felt immensely apologetic. He had been aiming for the rabbit Hakyeon was chasing, and if Hakyeon had been just a bit faster he wouldn’t have been hit. It was a comfort to Jaehwan that Hakyeon wasn’t the target, but Hakyeon was still bitter.
Wonsik lived in a house about a mile south, at the edge of the forest, a statement that surprised Hakyeon. Having been secluded for two years, he wasn’t as aware as Jaehwan of the residential development encroaching on a place to which he had sought refuge - not only to protect himself, but others. The thought made him anxious.
They made it back before Hakyeon expected, the warmth of the house jolting him from his thoughts. Jaehwan placed a towel on the couch and had Wonsik place him there, knowing Hakyeon wouldn’t be able to jump up onto to it on his own after. Wonsik tried to help Jaehwan patch him up, but being in his own house Hakyeon had decided he’d overstayed his welcome and snapped at him every time his hands came near. Jaehwan apologized, telling him that out in the woods Hakyeon didn’t see many people, so the distrust was nothing personal. Regardless, Wonsik stayed until Jaehwan finished the bandages, his guilt preventing him from leaving until it was sorted out - and even when it was, he gave Jaehwan his phone number; in case there were any complications that required medical attention, saying he would pay for them. It wouldn’t be necessary, but Jaehwan wouldn’t tell him that, letting him have the small comfort as he walked out the door.
When Wonsik left, Jaehwan went into the bedroom and grabbed a blanket and a pillow, bringing them back to the main room. He wrapped the blanket around Hakyeon, making sure he was warm before putting the pillow down for himself and crawling behind Hakyeon to wrap his arms around him. He drew circles in the other’s fur with his thumbs and felt the other finally relax. “You did well,” he said, barely loud enough for him to hear. He knew how difficult it had been for Hakyeon to hold himself back. “I’m proud of you.”
02. Wonsik returned several weeks later, and Hakyeon wasn’t pleased. He had been laying on the couch trying to get some sleep before night came (he’d be changing, he could feel it), when there was a knock on the door. He looked for Jaehwan, but the other was in a different room and must not have heard it.
He pushed himself off of the couch, however begrudgingly. and made his way to the door. There were no windows near it, no way to know who was there before opening it, and when he opened it and found Wonsik standing outside, dark hair disheveled and breath coming out in puffs, he made a mental note to ask Jaehwan if they could install some later. The man had barely opened his mouth to say something before Hakyeon closed the door in his face.
“Is there someone at the door?” Of course Jaehwan had to choose that moment to poke his head into the hallway.
Hakyeon shook his head. “No, I thought I heard something.” He was turning around to go back to the couch when there was a knock again and he stiffened, stopping dead in his tracks as if he were physically caught in his lie.
Jaehwan’s expression fell. “Hakyeon.” The tone of his voice was enough to cause Hakyeon to lower his eyes in shame as a he turned back and opened the door to reveal a shivering Wonsik. Jaehwan was surprised, but let him in anyway. Hakyeon poked his head out the door while the other helped Wonsik with his coat, and noticed the sun was setting.
Wonsik apologized for dropping in so suddenly, but he had no way to contact Jaehwan and had wanted to make sure Hakyeon was all right. What he didn’t realize was Hakyeon was standing right behind him. “How has he been?”
Jaehwan motioned to wear Hakyeon was standing. “Why don’t you ask him?”
He looked back and forth from Jaehwan to Hakyeon with a puzzled expression. “Didn’t you have a dog?”
Hakyeon chuckled. He had moved to the kitchen where Jaehwan was, on the other side of the counter from Wonsik, and was standing next to him, head resting on his shoulder and finding comfort in the younger’s arm around him, fingers resting on his waist. “Not dog - wolf.”
Wonsik sat in a tall chair on his side of the counter when he realized, and a single syllable left his lips: “Oh.” He had heard of it before, lonely souls trapped in a cycle of bloodlust, but he didn’t know anything other than how it was portrayed in government messages and dramatic media. He wasn’t scared, but curious.
Jaehwan pulled himself from Hakyeon to get a glass of water, and also poured one for Wonsik. When he handed it to him, their fingers touched, and Hakyeon watched with cold eyes. It didn’t mean anything, it wasn’t supposed to mean anything, but Hakyeon had never had to compete for Jaehwan’s attention - especially not on nights like this. He came up behind Jaehwan, wrapping his arms around his torso, but Jaehwan used his free hand to detach them from him. Hakyeon sighed and glared at him, but it was time for him to leave the room anyway.
When he came back, he was on four legs, and Wonsik let out a surprised shout, drawing his legs up onto his chair. Jaehwan laughed through his nose. “Relax,” he told him. “Remember: you picked him up a few weeks ago. He’s no different now that you know who he is.”
Wonsik took his feet off of the chair, but he was still nervous, stiff in his movements, and Hakyeon noticed, approaching him and placing his head in his lap. Wonsik bit his lip in uncertainty, not sure where to put his hands, but Hakyeon solved that for him by sticking his nose under one of them, forcing it onto his head. A smile made its way to Wonsik’s lips as he realized that Hakyeon just wanted his attention, and ruffled the fur on his head between his ears. Hakyeon was a light brown, like chestnut, with matching brown eyes closed in content. “Is he always this calm?”
Jaehwan sighed, shaking his head. “As far as I understand - you’d have to ask him to be sure - there’s a lot going on in his head, and it’s hard for him to push down. I think he’s trying really hard to leave a good impression.” Hakyeon’s tail was moving back and forth in a slow motion, and they all remained in an understanding silence until Jaehwan grabbed a bottle of wine and a couple glasses, gesturing for Wonsik to follow him to the couch. Hakyeon jumped onto before him, placing his head (along with the front half of his body) in Jaehwan’s lap. He apologized with a smile as Wonsik sat on what little bit was left of the cushion. “We never have guests, so I never realized he was the jealous type.” Hakyeon pressed his nose into Jaehwan’s hand, as if he were trying to knock the glass out of it, but it hadn’t been filled yet.
Jaehwan and Wonsik chattered into the night, and the longer they talked the more Hakyeon found himself in a state of discomfort. He didn’t like sharing his time, and every time he thought the conversation was dying down, Jaehwan struck it up again. He was trying his best to remain patient, but after a couple hours, something in him snapped.
The wine bottle had since been emptied, and Wonsik was reaching over to hand Jaehwan his empty class to be put on the table on the opposite side of the couch. None of them knew what happened in that moment, whether he accidentally touched Hakyeon wrong or if Hakyeon was just being snippish (it was more than likely a combination of the two), but the second his glass was in Jaehwan’s hand, Hakyeon was attached to his arm, sinking his teeth in.
Jaehwan stood up from the couch the second it happened, putting the glasses down and grabbing Hakyeon by the back of the neck to try and pull him off while Wonsik tried to pry his teeth from his arm, but Hakyeon had a good hold, and blood was trickling from his forearm and dripping off of his fingers. Jaehwan tried yelling at him, but he didn’t budge until Wonsik got the idea to pinch his nose, and he had to let go to breathe.
Once Hakyeon had let go, Jaehwan held onto him tightly, arms around his neck, trying to get him to calm down and stop growling. Wonsik was at the kitchen sink, rinsing his arm off and wincing as the stream came into direct contact with the wounds. Jaehwan apologized profusely, continuing to hold Hakyeon while Wonsik dressed the wound, but it wasn’t his place to do so and Wonsik knew it. He left without a goodbye, almost forgetting his coat on the way out, but Jaehwan didn’t try to stop him.
Jaehwan didn’t let go of Hakyeon until Wonsik was safely out the door and he heard it shut, and watched as Hakyeon ran to it, scratching at its base. It was then that Jaehwan realized Wonsik was lucky to even leave with his arm intact.
Hakyeon stopped when he heard a door slam, and followed the noise to the bedroom door. He tried to push it open with his nose, but Jaehwan had closed it all the way. “You can sleep on the couch,” Jaehwan yelled from the other side when he started to whine, but Hakyeon never left the outside of the door, pacing and whimpering long into the morning.
The worst part of the change, to Hakyeon, was when he changed back, naked and shivering. It wasn’t because Jaehwan hadn’t seen him without clothes before - that wasn’t even the case - but because after the change he was left feeling vulnerable, and the guilt twisting in his stomach that morning wasn’t helping.
When Jaehwan opened the door, he looked exhausted. He did a good job at ignoring Hakyeon through the night, but that did nothing to say for how well he had slept. Hakyeon immediately clung to him, kissing up and down his neck in a wordless apology, but Jaehwan wouldn’t accept it, using both of his arms to push him off.
“I’m sorry,” Hakyeon whispered.
“Get dressed.” Jaehwan’s voice was without conviction, and Hakyeon could tell he didn’t want to see him.
“I-”
“It’s not me you need to apologize to.”
Hakyeon watched as Jaehwan continued to the main room of the house, and quickly got dressed with the first clothes he found (a t-shirt and a pair of sweats) so he could follow. The younger was making coffee that morning, as opposed to tea, probably so he didn’t have to share, knowing Hakyeon wouldn’t touch it. He tried to wrap his arms around him, whispering apologies, but Jaehwan kept pushing him off. “Do you even know what to be sorry for?”
He opened and closed his mouth several times, but couldn’t formulate his thoughts. “But he-”
“He didn’t do anything, Hakyeon, and you just jumped on him.” He wasn’t yelling, but he was no longer being gentle with his tone of voice. “You bit him. You promised me you’d never do that.”
Hakyeon started to shake. He was staring at the ground and his voice cracked when he spoke, “I didn’t mean-”
“You don’t just accidentally ruin someone’s life!”
Hakyeon could feel his disappointment like a weight, and it was suffocating him. His lip was quivering as he spoke, “Did...Did I ruin yours, too?”
He didn’t see Jaehwan’s expression soften, but he heard it in his voice, “Hakyeon.” Hakyeon sunk onto his knees and held his face in his hands. He didn’t sob, but the tears slipped down his cheeks and past his fingers. “Hakyeon,” Jaehwan repeated. “This isn’t about me right now.” He grabbed his coffee mug, taking it with him as he left the room, stepping around Hakyeon to avoid touching him. It hurt him just as badly, but he knew if he gave Hakyeon the comfort he sought, then nothing would be learnt from it.
Hakyeon wanted to follow him, but his actions were finally weighing on him, and he couldn’t bring himself to get up. Instead, he let himself fall lower onto the wooden floor, until he was curled up in a ball on his side, and continued to cry until he fell asleep - which he didn’t even notice he did until he woke up.
03. Another several weeks passed, and Hakyeon found himself feeling increasingly lost. He was trying his best to make up for his actions, but he could feel a rift between them, despite how much Jaehwan denied any existence of one. He wasn’t cold to Hakyeon, but kept a distance, sleeping facing away from Hakyeon instead of holding him or pulling away from his touches.
Hakyeon was laying on the couch, a thin blanket pulled over him, and despite being dressed and warm, he was still shaking. With all of his thoughts and feelings clouding his head, the change the night before had been rough. He made Jaehwan leave ahead of time, too afraid of hurting him, and as he laid there with the sun rising, he was beginning to regret it. He wanted to feel Jaehwan’s arms around him, drink in his scent, and just let the other’s presence wash over him and calm his nerves - but he couldn’t. He didn’t know where Jaehwan was or when he would come back, as he purposefully told Jaehwan to withhold those details from him. What he did know was that he missed Jaehwan so much it ached in his bones, and he was counting the minutes until his return.
There was a knock at the door and Hakyeon immediately roused himself from a daydream to check it. It didn’t occur to him that Jaehwan would have had no need to knock.
When he opened it, Wonsik was on the other side, but he wasn’t sincere as he had been during the previous visit; he was angry, expression dark. He pushed himself in without a word and punched Hakyeon in the face.
Hakyeon was caught off-guard, stumbling backwards, and Wonsik pursued, pushing him down. He felt his ankle twist as he fell, but didn’t have much time to process it as Wonsik was on top of him, attacking him again. He tried to fight back, but he couldn’t get any sort of footing when Wonsik was hovering above him like that, legs on either side of him. By the time Jaehwan returned, both Hakyeon’s face and Wonsik’s knuckles were bruised and bloody.
When the situation was under control, Jaehwan was sitting on the couch with Hakyeon tucked into his side, still shaken. Wonsik had since calmed down and was sitting on the other side with his head in his hands. He was struggling to keep his breathing under control, and they saw him wipe tears from his face more than a few times. Jaehwan was about to ask what was wrong when he finally spoke, voice small and weak, on the verge of breaking. “Hakyeon,” he began, “have you ever killed a man?”
Hakyeon lifted his head from Jaehwan’s shoulder and shook it lightly from side-to-side. “Not a person,” he said softly, “but we had a cat once.” He was going to try to explain better, but the words got stuck in his throat and his voice trailed off. He had never truly talked about it in the time that passed, as the only other person he ever saw since then had been there when it happened.
He realized then that Wonsik had come to them instead of someone else not because he was pissed at Hakyeon, but because he had nowhere else to go.
Wonsik screwed his eyes shut tight, still holding back his sobs in a way that looked physically painful. He tried to take a deep breath, but it caught and he had to put a hand over his mouth.
Jaehwan, who had been sympathetic before, was becoming anxious. “How did you get here?”
Hakyeon answered for him, “He walked. There’s no car outside. Why?”
“Because if someone saw him that puts all three of us in danger.” He couldn’t move from the couch because of Hakyeon clinging to him, but he put a hand on Wonsik’s shoulder, feeling a twinge of sadness when the other flinched. “Can you tell us what happened?”
He shook his head, wiping his eyes and sniffling. “No. No, I can’t remember anything I just-” he paused to collect himself, “we were having a night in, just the two of us, relaxing, and then,” he was struggling to continue, and Jaehwan told him to take it easy. “I,” another breath, “I don’t remember exactly what happened, not until morning came and I saw...I tore him apart. I...oh my god-” he finally broke down, as trying to talk through everything finally made him realize that it was true, no matter how much he tried to wish it away. He fell onto his side, taking the nearby throw pillow into his arms and biting into it while his sobs shook his body. “He had no idea. He trusted me and I- this is all my fault.”
“Wonsik,” Jaehwan tried to cut in, but he wouldn’t listen.
“Don’t tell me it’s not,” he said. “He hated the hunting, I should have listened, I shouldn’t have gone out. He asked me to stay in that night and if I had just done what he said I wouldn’t have been out and I wouldn’t have met you and this wouldn’t have happened.” Hakyeon shrunk into Jaehwan visibly, feeling guilty. “Taekwoon, I’m so sorry.” He bit into the pillow again, trying to muffle his wails between repetitions of different apologies, and Jaehwan and Hakyeon remained silent. They didn’t tell him what they knew, that “sorry” wouldn’t fix anything - “sorry” wouldn’t bring him back.
They waited for him to calm down, however long that was, when his breathing had finally evened out and his face was puffy from crying, and Jaehwan asked the question that had been burning in the back of his mind since he saw Wonsik. “Did anyone follow you?”
Wonsik sat up, but still held onto the pillow, keeping it close to his chest. “I don’t think so,” his voice was small as he spoke.
“I really need you to be sure.”
“There was no one out when I left, I made sure of that.” He started picking at the edges of the pillow where there were some loose threads. “We could go out to cover up the tracks, but it’s been snowing all day. I don’t think we’d need to.” Jaehwan stared, but didn’t say anything, expecting him to say more, but it took him several minutes to pick up on it. “I don’t think anyone has noticed yet, if that’s what you’re wondering.” Jaehwan breathed a small sigh of relief. “Why?”
“If someone knew you were here, we’d have to ask you to leave,” he explained. “If the police came looking for you, they’d find Hakyeon, too.”
Wonsik was confused, and it showed on his face. “Isn’t he registered?”
Under any other circumstances, they would have laughed, but at moment their lips didn’t even twitch. “No one does that,” Hakyeon said. There was a government policy that wolves had to register themselves - almost as if they were actually dogs - and if they were seen as a threat to the public they would be “taken care of” accordingly. It seemed like a good idea on paper, but people were so afraid of what they didn’t understand that in practice it was easily taken advantage of. It was why they lived so far from everyone else and why Hakyeon never left the house.
“Have you ever met anyone who was registered? Or would admit to it?” Jaehwan added, and Wonsik shaking his head made it clear that he’d gotten his point across. “You didn’t do anything stupid after Hakyeon attacked you, did you?”
“No,” he held the pillow close to his chest again. “I was too scared. Taekwoon wanted me to go to the hospital, but I told him it was no big deal. Just an accident. Do you,” he trailed off, breaking eye contact, “do you think I could have saved him if I did?”
Jaehwan shook his head. “You can’t think about it like that. And even if you had, I don’t think he would have let you be alone.” He looked at the clock and noticed it was getting late, and suggested they all get some rest for the morning. He was going to suggest that Wonsik sleep in the bed with them, but then Hakyeon elbowed his side and shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’ll get you a blanket.” He left and returned, and each time Hakyeon was trailing behind him. He had been attached to his side since he came home from wherever he had been the night before, and it wasn’t clear if he was afraid of Wonsik or afraid for Jaehwan. Regardless of the reason, it was making the situation even more painful than it already was.
Hakyeon didn’t relax until Jaehwan was laying next to him in bed, and he made sure he wrapped his arms tightly around him. “Hakyeon,” he murmured into the other’s shirt, trying to push himself away and get some space, “you don’t need to protect me.” Hakyeon loosened his hold, allowing Jaehwan to move so he was comfortable, but he didn’t remove his arms from him. He knew Jaehwan didn’t need him to hover like he was, but he also knew how much Jaehwan had sacrificed over time for Hakyeon’s sake, and he couldn’t think of any other way to return the favour.
04. Having another person in the house was a hard adjustment for everyone. It had barely been a week and with each day it became more and more obvious that Wonsik wasn’t going to be able to go back. It took three days for people to notice Taekwoon was missing and another to figure out why, and the culprit was obvious when Wonsik wasn’t around to speak for himself. It was a waiting game, and it was driving him crazy.
Hakyeon still didn’t stop hovering around Jaehwan, and when he wasn’t home, he paced, muttered words under his breath, sat by the window in another room. Not matter what he did, he didn’t let the front of the yard out of his sight. If Jaehwan was late, the only things that went through his mind were things that could have gone wrong, and he started to panic. It made Wonsik nervous to be in the same room as him, and he spent most of the days trying to block out Hakyeon’s ramblings.
But there was a particularly awful night where he couldn’t ignore him. Earlier in the week, it had seemed as if winter was finally letting up, but in the middle of the day a large blizzard hit that caught everyone off-guard. Hakyeon watched out the window, nervously tapping his foot, but then he made the mistake of looking at the clock.
Jaehwan was thirty minutes late.
Panic overtook Hakyeon almost instantly. A lot could happen in thirty minutes. The roads certainly weren’t clear to the house - most people didn’t even know the house existed. Maybe he was just taking his time, trying to stay safe, but there were still so many awful possibilities, and his mind wouldn’t stop playing them over and over.
Wonsik had been on his way to grab a glass of water from the kitchen when he saw Hakyeon laying curled in the hallway, whimpering and sniffling. He stopped and approached him warily, kneeling next to him slowly. “Hey,” he tapped him lightly on the shoulder but quickly recoiled when Hakyeon flinched. He had been walking on eggshells around Hakyeon ever since he’d arrived, and wasn’t sure how close he could get. “What’s wrong?”
Hakyeon was able to pull his upper body from the floor and wiped his eyes with his sleeves. He looked small, almost childlike, and absolutely pitiful. “Jaehwan’s late.” His eyes were still swimming with tears but he was doing his best to hold them back. “What if he’s not coming back?”
That particular question did not occur to Wonsik, but seeing how dependent Hakyeon had been on Jaehwan’s presence, it didn’t surprise him that the other had come to that conclusion. “Hey, don’t say that,” he kept his voice soft, almost whispering, “he’s coming back.”
“How do you know?”
“Well, why wouldn’t he?” It was the wrong thing to ask, as Hakyeon started sobbing again. He was barely able to sit up, and ended up falling into Wonsik’s arms, face buried in his chest. Wonsik was surprised at first, not sure what to do, but when Hakyeon clung onto him, he wrapped his arms around him. “He always comes back, Hakyeon. He’s not going to leave you alone.” He repeated words of similar sentiment, gently rubbing small circles into his back, but Hakyeon had so many scenarios in his head outside of anyone’s control that it was difficult to convince him of anything else.
Jaehwan didn’t return until another forty-five minutes had passed, and was shocked to see both Hakyeon and Wonsik on the floor, Hakyeon still crying softly, a wet spot evident on the front of Wonsik’s shirt. “What happened?”
Wonsik didn’t answer him directly, instead removing one of his hands from Hakyeon’s back and bringing a finger to his lips, telling Jaehwan to be quiet. He looked down at Hakyeon before moving the hair out of his eyes. “I told you he’d be back.”
Hakyeon stopped crying almost instantly, sitting up and wiping his eyes furiously. Jaehwan sat down behind him, taking him in his arms and placing light kisses to his head. Hakyeon turned around in his hold and grabbed onto him, burying his face in the crook of his neck, trying to take everything in. “Did you really think I wouldn’t come back?” Jaehwan asked, and when the other nodded, he was heartbroken. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Look at me.” He grabbed Hakyeon by the shoulders and forced him to look him in the eyes. “I’ll always come back.”
---Hakyeon was still making Wonsik sleep on the couch, despite how much he had helped him that night, but since then winter had come to close, and with the change in seasons also came a change in weather.
It was somewhere along the border of “late night” and “early morning,” but the sky was lighting up with lightning strikes. Hakyeon was clinging to Jaehwan, face buried, trying to use him to block everything out. He hated thunderstorms, not only were they too loud, but he anticipated each crash and it became extended torture. Jaehwan remained awake for him, stroking his hair and pressing kisses to his forehead to try and keep him grounded. It made Hakyeon feel guilty, knowing that Jaehwan worked so hard during the day and now he was keeping him up, but at the same time he was scared and didn’t want to face it alone.
The storm was still going strong after an hour, when Jaehwan realized something and stopped with his hand still in Hakyeon’s hair. “What about Wonsik?” he asked. Hakyeon didn’t answer, instead squirming closer. “I’m serious.”
Hakyeon sighed, but pulled himself off of Jaehwan with a bit of effort. “Go get him.” His hands were shaking, as well as his voice, and despite the fact that the only reason he was complying was so that Jaehwan wouldn’t keep bringing it up, it was still appreciated.
Jaehwan left with the promise to be back quickly, and when he entered the main room of the house, he at first thought he wouldn’t have anything to worry about. At first glance it just seemed like Wonsik was asleep, buried under the covers, but upon watching more closely, he saw that he was shaking. Jaehwan called his name and he sat up at a speed that would make anyone dizzy. “Relax,” he said. “Hakyeon said you could sleep with us.” Wonsik was visibly relieved, but controlled his actions as he got up to follow, trying not to look to eager, but he was just as scared as Hakyeon and desperately didn’t want to be alone.
Hakyeon had made a space for them on either side of him, and Jaehwan took his typical spot while Wonsik took the other. Jaehwan had barely gotten under the covers before Hakyeon was hooked to him again, but Wonsik was still unsure. It took him a minute to become comfortable laying down next to them, unsure how defensive Hakyeon would be, but after the next clap of thunder he was clinging to Hakyeon, arms wrapped tightly around him.
Hakyeon was more relaxed than anyone expected, not even reacting to Wonsik holding onto him. It was comforting, in fact, for him to have both of them on either side of him, and he was able to remain calm. He even fell asleep before the storm ended, something he couldn’t remember doing before.
When he woke up, Jaehwan had already left the house, but Wonsik was still wrapped around him, one of his legs finding a place over his waist during the night. Hakyeon didn’t move, instead sinking further into the touch, and wondered if in his unconscious state Wonsik knew it was Hakyeon he was wrapped around and not Taekwoon. It had been a while since he shared a bed with anyone, after all.
He didn’t move until he heard Jaehwan come in the door. He was hours early, and Hakyeon was concerned, but Jaehwan’s face showed no signs of trouble. He heard Wonsik grumble something under his breath as his movements roused him from sleep.
There were a bunch of papers in Jaehwan’s hands, and he sat down at the table with a pen and started looking through them, filling out information corresponding with what was asked. Hakyeon came up behind him and rested his head on his shoulder before asking what they were.
“Job applications,” Jaehwan answered.
Hakyeon stood up straight, confused. “What about your other one?” As far as he knew, Jaehwan had a nice office job. It had decent pay, or at least enough to keep up with the payments for the house and their other needs in between.
“There is no other one.” His response was too calm, and it scared Hakyeon. “I took too much time off to stay here.”
Hakyeon felt his stomach drop and he left the room, going back to the bedroom and closing the door before laying down and curling into a ball. He clung to one of the pillows, but he didn’t cry. He got lost in his thoughts, not sure what to do.
There was a hand on his shoulder and he almost screamed in shock. He had forgotten Wonsik was still there.
“What’s wrong?” Those seemed to be the only words Wonsik ever said to him.
He sighed, not facing him. “I’m ruining everything.” He paused. “Did you know Jaehwan lost his job?”
Wonsik shook his head, even though Hakyeon couldn’t see it. “No.”
“It’s my fault,” he muttered. “If I wasn’t so reliant on him and didn’t need him so bad or if I-”
“Stop.”
Hakyeon closed his mouth, but it didn’t help how he felt. “He tries so hard,” he was speaking into the pillow, words barely recognizable. “He tries so hard and I can’t do anything in return and now he’s suffering for it and I-”
“Stop,” Wonsik repeated. Hakyeon turned his head and was about to protest, but he cut him off. “It’s true he tries hard, and it’s also true that we haven’t done anything to show for it,” he ran his fingers through Hakyeon’s hair, having learnt from watching Jaehwan that he found this action soothing, “but he’s not suffering. He’s never once complained.” Hakyeon turned over and buried himself in Wonsik’s shirt, but for once he didn’t cry.
He sighed, and then breathed him in, realizing that while maybe he didn’t do anything wrong by Jaehwan, he hadn’t been kind to Wonsik until the night before, and the man didn’t deserve it. He hadn’t caused any trouble other than the day he had barged into the house, lost and confused after one of the worst nights of his life and unsure where to place his anger. Maybe his distrust seemed reasonable at first, but not anymore, when he spent most of his time trying to stay out of the way.
Hakyeon pulled back to look at him and saw sadness in his eyes, but didn’t know what it was from or what he could do to fix it. Maybe he had caused it. Wonsik’s fingers were still in his hair when he leaned up to kiss him.
Wonsik was surprised by the sudden action and pulled back. “What was that?”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay I just-”
“That’s not what I meant.” He was embarrassed now, he felt his own face heat up. “I was trying to apologize. For how rude I was before.” Wonsik nodded in understanding, and didn’t pull away when Hakyeon leaned in the second time.
They didn’t notice the door open and Jaehwan poke his head in until he cleared his throat. “Am I interrupting anything?” They were both embarrassed, but Hakyeon immediately hid his face under the blankets, leaving Wonsik to fend for himself.
“No, no.” He pulled the blanket off of Hakyeon, who hit him with the pillow in return, then moved over, clearing room for Jaehwan on the bed. “Come here, actually,” he said, patting the spot he had just made. Jaehwan raised an eyebrow but entered the room anyway, kneeling on the spot on the bed Wonsik had motioned to. “Get comfortable. I think Hakyeon needs to talk to you. Ow!” Hakyeon had hit him again, glaring. He didn’t want to talk to Jaehwan. He knew his fears, while seemingly well-grounded, were false, and he wasn’t in the mood to rehash it.
Jaehwan seemed to notice and reached across to place a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay.” He smiled, eyes lighting up in a way that smoothed everything over. It was fine. Jaehwan wasn’t mad at him or burdened by him. It was fine, because Jaehwan loved him and wasn’t going anywhere, regardless of how hard it was. He told Hakyeon this as he held him, leaning across Wonsik and leaving him pinned there in an awkward position (but he didn’t say anything). Jaehwan gave Hakyeon a light kiss before pulling away and giving Wonsik some breathing room. Hakyeon had small smile on his face. For the first time in a long time, things seemed to be falling into place.
05. It became a lot easier, the adjustment from two to three, due largely to the fact that Wonsik had already been staying with them for so long. He had felt guilty the first few weeks of being there, taking refuge in their home without anything to give in return, but had since found that he gave back in a way much more substantial than he originally thought. His presence eased Hakyeon’s separation anxiety when Jaehwan was gone, and while this usually meant Hakyeon was shadowing him, at least he was no longer pacing at the door. It made Wonsik’s heart ache whenever he thought about how Hakyeon had had to deal with it on his own for two years, having to face his greatest fear for several hours everyday, but the fact that he had gotten through it spoke loudly for a strength Hakyeon didn’t even see within himself.
The nights when they changed, however, became a lot more unstable. What had kept Jaehwan safe before was a sense of control he had been able to create and maintain, but with Wonsik in the house there was more energy between him and Hakyeon and the scale was starting to tip.
It was one of those nights, and Jaehwan had taken to the couch while Hakyeon and Wonsik were busy chasing each other around and nipping at each other’s heels, when Wonsik jumped onto the couch with him, staring down at Hakyeon who let out a frustrated whine.
And then, for the first time since the night two years ago when he had killed the cat, something got the better of Hakyeon, and his thoughts blacked out.
---When he snapped out of it, he was laying in the middle of the floor with a massive headache. He looked around and saw that the small table next to the couch was broken, two of the legs knocked out from under it.
Wonsik was trying to clean up some of the mess, and Hakyeon noticed bandages on his arms, one of which had bled through. He sat up, and Wonsik told him to get dressed and he would talk to him after.
After he did so, he realized before leaving the bedroom that the bed itself was untouched from the day before, and when he returned to the main room he immediately asked, “Where’s Jaehwan?” It wasn’t a panicked question, he was simply curious, but Wonsik’s lack of a response when first prompted made him realize something was wrong. “Wonsik, where is he?”
Wonsik’s shoulders dropped, as if he had been hoping he wouldn’t ask, “You should sit, first.”
Hakyeon did as he was told, waiting while Wonsik filled a glass of water for each of them, but he wasn’t getting his answers quick enough. “Where is he?”
Wonsik had just sat down on the couch and was handing him the glass. He waited until the glass was fully in Hakyeon’s hand before answering, “He’s gone, Hakyeon.”
“Gone? What do you mean ‘gone?’” He wasn’t entirely sure he heard him correctly, and was hoping that it would turn out he didn’t, that there had been a mistake and Hakyeon had simply mixed up the words.
A sigh. “Do you remember anything?” Hakyeon shook his head. “You went crazy last night. Not at first, I mean, you started off fine, happy even, but then it was like someone flipped a switch. You started growling and snapping, and you didn’t care who you went for as long as they had a pulse.” Hakyeon noted the broken furniture and felt a sense of dread creep up on him.
“What about Jaehwan?”
“I did my best to get him out, and he did,” Hakyeon breathed a sigh of relief, “but not before you grabbed ahold of him.”
“But he’s alive, right?” It was the only thing he wanted to hear.
Wonsik nodded, “Yes, but I don’t know where he went or if he’ll be back.”
“When he’ll be back,” Hakyeon corrected, but all he got in return were sad eyes, and it made him feel like Wonsik was keeping information from him. He stood up from the couch, placing the water down, before grabbing a coat.
“What are you doing?”
“He could be out there. I can’t leave him alone.”
“Hakyeon-” he called after him, but the door had already slammed shut. Wonsik didn’t take time to grab a coat and followed him out, but Hakyeon had taken off running. It wasn’t until he heard a shout that he knew what direction to take, and he didn’t know what he was going to see.
Hakyeon had fallen to the ground, but he wasn’t able to get up. When Wonsik got closer, he saw that it was because his leg was caught in a leg-hold trap someone had likely forgotten. He kneeled down next to him to assess the damage, and saw that while his leg was bleeding and he was probably in a lot of pain, the trap was small and wouldn’t cause any permanent damage.
He depressed the springs with his hands, allowing Hakyeon to move his leg out of it, and then picked him up, and Hakyeon grabbed onto his shirt, crying into it. His tears weren’t because of the physical pain, but instead because Hakyeon realized that he wouldn’t be able to look for Jaehwan anymore. He felt like he’d failed him.
Hakyeon stayed in bed for days, even after his leg healed. All he could think about was Jaehwan. He would usually have the news on, hoping for any good news, that someone had found Jaehwan and he was okay, but there was nothing.
Wonsik found himself torn between looking for Jaehwan and taking care of Hakyeon, and felt guilty no matter what option he chose. If he stayed with Hakyeon, then time was lost for Jaehwan. If he was out looking for Jaehwan, he knew Hakyeon wouldn’t eat or take any other measure to care for himself.
He had been holding a lot of details from Hakyeon, such as the fact that the morning after he had spent a long time cleaning blood from the floor, hoping that Hakyeon wouldn’t wake up before he finished. Or that Jaehwan had truthfully barely made it out the door in one piece. He wasn’t sure if he was doing good by feeding Hakyeon’s sense of hope, especially since he didn’t know whether it was true or false, and was terrified of the crash it could cause later, but he also didn’t want to see Hakyeon so down, and he did anything he could to alleviate it.
He was surprised to see Hakyeon had gotten up on his own that day. He was at the door, putting on a coat and shoes. His hair was messy, as he’d probably just rolled out of bed, and he hadn’t changed his clothes in days, but there was determination and purpose on his face.
“Where are you going?” He didn’t have to ask, he already knew the answer.
Hakyeon was buttoning the coat when he stopped to look at him. “I’m going to find him.”
Wonsik stood from where he was sitting and helped Hakyeon put a scarf around his neck before reaching for his own coat. He didn’t know the scarf was Jaehwan’s, or that he was repeating a gesture Jaehwan had done for Hakyeon long before. “Can I come with you?”
“I’m not coming back until he’s found.”
He nodded, and repeated the question, and saw a small smile work its way onto Hakyeon’s lips. He honestly wanted to go with him. He had felt split in two before, going between looking for Jaehwan and taking care of Hakyeon. At least now he could do both.
They turned off the lights as they walked out the door, and it made the house look eerily empty from the outside. They didn’t take anything with them other than what was already on their backs, as if they weren’t going to take “no” for an answer.
But the door closed with such a finality that Wonsik felt it in his bones.