lonely tears fall unheard
Just got back from my trip, it was amazing, the views, the tress, the water...all the things you forget from your busy life style. i feel guilty not appreciating things simple as that. things god created for us to help us not to destroy.
WRITERS BLOCK!
maybe because i said it all in those text, i feel guilty because i told myself to be stronger, but one can only hold up for so many months before thoughts and wishes haunt you and you become weak. I never thoguht it was real, but it is. a silent ring can be heard from a thousand miles even in deep sleep...is it my heart calling, is it my wishes being fulfilled.
I know what is smart, i know what is good for me, but why do we all dwell on the past. Some say move forward because if it didnt work once it wont work again. and its true...but what if you still have hope, or is it faith...?how mch destruction is enough to break all ties? is it even possible to break a tie between your heart and that other person? Time will tell they say...well how much time?
I am so in love witht his boy, and yes i say boy because he needs a lot of growing up to do...age is just a number..without a doubt his older years dont prove his maturity.
I cant blame him at times, i cant blame him post, it was me then...never forgave and i dont know if i ever will or have but dont know it. what i do know is fear blocks what could have been. Fear of pushing the replay button, fear of hurting like i once did, fear of not knowing what to expect. I want to delete it all but i cant. I was destroyed, then i became angry following with numbness....and now its been thoughts and feelings over and over. Anger is not the answer, because i am still in love with him. I thought it was over but its not even close.
I was strong enough to leave finally, strong enough to seek a person that might trully value the things i asked for. But is it fair to him to not being able to return those feelings? at least not yet..perhaps in the future i hope.
Lonely tears fall unheard....
who would have thought a new meaning would come from what i thought explained it all 8 years ago.
He who says it all and does it all has no idea what the meaning of those words do to me. He who had me from day one, heard it all, said it all but not once did it all still lingers in my heart. So when those words are said now, old tears rush back wishing it was he who i wanted on the other end of that phone, but it is he who has no idea hoe lonely i trully feel.
sigh*
WRITERS BLOCK!
maybe because i said it all in those text, i feel guilty because i told myself to be stronger, but one can only hold up for so many months before thoughts and wishes haunt you and you become weak. I never thoguht it was real, but it is. a silent ring can be heard from a thousand miles even in deep sleep...is it my heart calling, is it my wishes being fulfilled.
I know what is smart, i know what is good for me, but why do we all dwell on the past. Some say move forward because if it didnt work once it wont work again. and its true...but what if you still have hope, or is it faith...?how mch destruction is enough to break all ties? is it even possible to break a tie between your heart and that other person? Time will tell they say...well how much time?
I am so in love witht his boy, and yes i say boy because he needs a lot of growing up to do...age is just a number..without a doubt his older years dont prove his maturity.
I cant blame him at times, i cant blame him post, it was me then...never forgave and i dont know if i ever will or have but dont know it. what i do know is fear blocks what could have been. Fear of pushing the replay button, fear of hurting like i once did, fear of not knowing what to expect. I want to delete it all but i cant. I was destroyed, then i became angry following with numbness....and now its been thoughts and feelings over and over. Anger is not the answer, because i am still in love with him. I thought it was over but its not even close.
I was strong enough to leave finally, strong enough to seek a person that might trully value the things i asked for. But is it fair to him to not being able to return those feelings? at least not yet..perhaps in the future i hope.
Lonely tears fall unheard....
who would have thought a new meaning would come from what i thought explained it all 8 years ago.
He who says it all and does it all has no idea what the meaning of those words do to me. He who had me from day one, heard it all, said it all but not once did it all still lingers in my heart. So when those words are said now, old tears rush back wishing it was he who i wanted on the other end of that phone, but it is he who has no idea hoe lonely i trully feel.
sigh*