Not Important. Except it is.
I made a connection with a guy I'll call Wind on Saturday. It started out really nice and easy, very direct. We emailed a few times and now I fear I've scared him off. I believe I'm being illogical about this. I emailed him Sunday evening, and it's Tuesday mid-day. But I'm worried about it to the extent that I'm finding it difficult to get work done.
True, he emailed back quickly the other times. True, I don't know his schedule, or his habits, or him.
The fact that this matters apparently so much to me is of greater importance than if he is no longer interested. Why does it matter so much to me? Part of it is about sex. Although he intimated that he doesn't have penetrative sex or oral sex with most people, I was hoping for something. I have been so disinterested in sex lately. No, that's not right. I'm not disinterested, I'm ... dulled? It feels lately like sex takes a lot of effort, that I don't have the time, or energy. Sex with someone new is often full of energy. And he is kinky. Lately I haven't been much interested in sex that isn't kinky. And if I have some excitement in sex with one person, it usually bleeds over into excitement with other partners. I wanted that.
And I enjoy the energy of exploration with someone. I was enjoying talking about myself, frankly. And looking forward to getting to know him. He felt, warm. I wanted to rest my body against his almost immediately. I need the sort of affection I saw in him. Someday I will get it. Maybe not with this person though. We'll have to wait and see.
True, he emailed back quickly the other times. True, I don't know his schedule, or his habits, or him.
The fact that this matters apparently so much to me is of greater importance than if he is no longer interested. Why does it matter so much to me? Part of it is about sex. Although he intimated that he doesn't have penetrative sex or oral sex with most people, I was hoping for something. I have been so disinterested in sex lately. No, that's not right. I'm not disinterested, I'm ... dulled? It feels lately like sex takes a lot of effort, that I don't have the time, or energy. Sex with someone new is often full of energy. And he is kinky. Lately I haven't been much interested in sex that isn't kinky. And if I have some excitement in sex with one person, it usually bleeds over into excitement with other partners. I wanted that.
And I enjoy the energy of exploration with someone. I was enjoying talking about myself, frankly. And looking forward to getting to know him. He felt, warm. I wanted to rest my body against his almost immediately. I need the sort of affection I saw in him. Someday I will get it. Maybe not with this person though. We'll have to wait and see.