ich weiss nicht
So it's almost midnight and i've been playing Warum kannst du much nicht lieben since 9 cuz i feel depressed...
i always ask myself if i'm wrong, if everything i say is wrong, if everything i think of is wrong... there's one side who actually thinks so, yet there's the other side who thinks i'm so strong and different from other ppl they've ever met.... and both sides confuse me to dead! how am i supposed to know? almost my whole life i've been told that everything i say is wrong, funny thing those ppl don't remember saying so, which is practically they keep saying i never have a reason for things cuz my answers are always "yes/no, let's leave it here" ..
sometimes it seems like i'm the only here who remembers what i have been told. sadly what they keep saying is that i don't wanna move on, yet i say, why should i forget those things? is there a problem if i try not to forget what i was told and the times i've been seen as a piece of crap?
i know i should stop getting pissed about things, but that's my only way to live, i really think that if i don't get mad i'm not me, i'm not happy, that's part of me, that's my charm. is that ur problem? am i asking u to listen to me? am i? i don't think so, at the end the one who's gonna die it's me, not u!
i really believe that every single person is different from the other right to her/him, they can have things in common but that's it, there are only things, not a whole... why is it hard for others to understand that? why can't they accept the fact that ppl are different and they can't expect the other to be the way they want or the way they are... i know they didn't mean it, yet they keep doing it, or at least i feel that way. that's why i keep asking if i'm really the crazy one, cuz as usual all my answers make no sense for u, sorry for not being able to fully express myself. sorry for being so damn insecure.
aside from that, being the youngest is so damn stressing, it's like u're the one who needs to fix all the shit the other have done, is that even fair? is that they reason why the youngest are brought to this world? i feel like i won't ever be able to be me, because of that task.
funny is, i don't blame u, even tho i mean the who, the why, the when and the how; i try to convince myself that u all didn't mean it, that it's my fault, for not being the way u would like me to be. i think there's still one little tiny part which keeps trying to make me believe it's not me cuz i'm ok, i'm ME. (i should call that part: friends).
it saddens me the most, knowing that maybe just maybe i would spend my whole life alone.
guess i needed to take some of my pain out of my chest.
i always ask myself if i'm wrong, if everything i say is wrong, if everything i think of is wrong... there's one side who actually thinks so, yet there's the other side who thinks i'm so strong and different from other ppl they've ever met.... and both sides confuse me to dead! how am i supposed to know? almost my whole life i've been told that everything i say is wrong, funny thing those ppl don't remember saying so, which is practically they keep saying i never have a reason for things cuz my answers are always "yes/no, let's leave it here" ..
sometimes it seems like i'm the only here who remembers what i have been told. sadly what they keep saying is that i don't wanna move on, yet i say, why should i forget those things? is there a problem if i try not to forget what i was told and the times i've been seen as a piece of crap?
i know i should stop getting pissed about things, but that's my only way to live, i really think that if i don't get mad i'm not me, i'm not happy, that's part of me, that's my charm. is that ur problem? am i asking u to listen to me? am i? i don't think so, at the end the one who's gonna die it's me, not u!
i really believe that every single person is different from the other right to her/him, they can have things in common but that's it, there are only things, not a whole... why is it hard for others to understand that? why can't they accept the fact that ppl are different and they can't expect the other to be the way they want or the way they are... i know they didn't mean it, yet they keep doing it, or at least i feel that way. that's why i keep asking if i'm really the crazy one, cuz as usual all my answers make no sense for u, sorry for not being able to fully express myself. sorry for being so damn insecure.
aside from that, being the youngest is so damn stressing, it's like u're the one who needs to fix all the shit the other have done, is that even fair? is that they reason why the youngest are brought to this world? i feel like i won't ever be able to be me, because of that task.
funny is, i don't blame u, even tho i mean the who, the why, the when and the how; i try to convince myself that u all didn't mean it, that it's my fault, for not being the way u would like me to be. i think there's still one little tiny part which keeps trying to make me believe it's not me cuz i'm ok, i'm ME. (i should call that part: friends).
it saddens me the most, knowing that maybe just maybe i would spend my whole life alone.
guess i needed to take some of my pain out of my chest.