so it seems i only update at work now... hmmmm...

[churlish_porter]

so things are... i don't even know what to say now...
my life is just kinda there now it doesn't even feel like
i'm living it... i'm just unhappy most of the time now...
and things with craig are getting worse and worse.. some days
i just want to give up... but i don't know part of me knows
if i give up i could lose him forever and for some reason i
don't want to... but yet he drives me crazy!!!

i miss the past... i miss my friends... i miss every thing...
i miss me..... i don't know every thing has changed.... i miss
how things used to be...

god dammit! i'm sick of missing every thing.. but i don't know
what my life would be like with out craig driving me crazy every
day... and then those moments that are so perfect that you don't
know how you could feel any thing else...

school's o.k... work is fine... i got my letter today about being
accepted into interactive media but i already knew i was so it was
kinda a waste of paper...

i feel like i've lost all my friends.. which sounds so pathetic but
that's how it seems... i never get to hang out with my guy friends
any more... and as for my friends that are girls, most are still my
friends i just never do any thing with them.. i never have just like
a girl's night out because all my friends hate craig and don't want to
do anything with me because they don't want him to come.. but if i told
him not to he wouldn't.. but i don't know sometimes i just don't know
what makes me happier being with craig or being on my own, with meaningless
relationships... ahhhh i don't know what i want... god i sound pathetic...