Sleepy musings
There are moments in my life when I have to stop and acknowledge that there is some force guiding me. Today has been that kind of day. I don't claim to be overly religious - I would claim quite the opposite, in fact. I have not seen the inside of a church in years upon years and I don't really have a problem with that. Lately I have decided that whatever force guides the universe doesn't have an issue with that, either.
I've always held a firm belief in a god of one sort or another. There have simply been too many instances in my life where things have worked themselves out and balanced themselves with no discernible cause. From little things like making ends meet when there's simply no way in hell I should have been able to to larger events like finding myself surrounded by friends in the darkest time of my life, to things of personal significance like regaining pictures of my son when I had no real hope of doing so. Things just seem to work out for me somehow. Call it karma, call it the guiding hand of god, what have you.
I have always known this and it is rare moments such as this that I am moved to stop for a moment and thank whatever power is watching over me for everything that I have, everything I am, and everything that flows forth from the potential within me. I feel blessed to be where I am today, because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no way I deserve it, yet here I am.
The universe lines up behind me, the stars align, and I am reborn from the ashes of what was and I am at last present to what I have become or at least what I am becoming. I've never been overly happy with me as an entity - I've always had (and I suppose still have) doubts about what I'm doing with my life, where I'm going, what I'm trying to accomplish... and tonight for this brief, glowing moment all these doubts are cast aside and I see clearly that I'm not doing so badly after all.
To be so full of love and happiness is not normal for me, not even remotely. But then, to be so utterly surrounded on all sides by caring and loving folks has never been the norm, either. To all who have been there for me, who are there for me, and who I know will always be there... thank you.
I've always held a firm belief in a god of one sort or another. There have simply been too many instances in my life where things have worked themselves out and balanced themselves with no discernible cause. From little things like making ends meet when there's simply no way in hell I should have been able to to larger events like finding myself surrounded by friends in the darkest time of my life, to things of personal significance like regaining pictures of my son when I had no real hope of doing so. Things just seem to work out for me somehow. Call it karma, call it the guiding hand of god, what have you.
I have always known this and it is rare moments such as this that I am moved to stop for a moment and thank whatever power is watching over me for everything that I have, everything I am, and everything that flows forth from the potential within me. I feel blessed to be where I am today, because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no way I deserve it, yet here I am.
The universe lines up behind me, the stars align, and I am reborn from the ashes of what was and I am at last present to what I have become or at least what I am becoming. I've never been overly happy with me as an entity - I've always had (and I suppose still have) doubts about what I'm doing with my life, where I'm going, what I'm trying to accomplish... and tonight for this brief, glowing moment all these doubts are cast aside and I see clearly that I'm not doing so badly after all.
To be so full of love and happiness is not normal for me, not even remotely. But then, to be so utterly surrounded on all sides by caring and loving folks has never been the norm, either. To all who have been there for me, who are there for me, and who I know will always be there... thank you.