Dreams of all sorts
It's nice having a journal, it really is! ...I've barely written, though, and I can already tell that it won't be enough. I don't say it too often, but sometimes, I really just wish I had someone to talk to about... well... let me just explain it.
I fell asleep in the church during daylight again. Oh, please don't think that's weird! It happens a lot! I suppose I just... get lost in the voices I hear there and forget to go home, you know? Of course, Mama (and by that I mean Elmyra) says it's unsafe; there are people who would sneak right into the building in broad daylight with less-than-happy intentions. If I am going to have flowers to sell for all of us, though, I am not sure what else I could do!!
Anyway, now its the middle of the night and I can't sleep. "Afraid" is not the right word... just unable.
I had one of those dreams again. As usual, in it I am very small and cannot move right and cannot make words but am just so, so scared. Nobody likes nightmares!! I know exactly what these dreams are about, though, so there's no reason to think about them too much. The present holds so much unhappiness for so many that my childhood of captivity should be let go. I want to let it go, I want to, I want to for the sake of others... but more and more frequently again I'm seeing things with teeth when I sleep and am feeling the burn of needles and bright lights... and proud laughter.
I don't trouble anybody with things like this because, well, we all have burdens to bear. As long as I have my home- as long as I'm just plain alive, even- I have it better than a lot of people I see in the slums.
Now and then, I just wish I had somebody, is all, that had room for me in their heart. I need a person I can trust... but I won't be selfish about it, okay?
I... I don't mean a family member or anything like that, just...
Somebody.
...Hehehe... I can't seem to really say what I mean! I think you can guess, but I'm suddenly turning a little red. Maybe another time.
SO many wishes, and I can't even see them come true in my dreams...
I fell asleep in the church during daylight again. Oh, please don't think that's weird! It happens a lot! I suppose I just... get lost in the voices I hear there and forget to go home, you know? Of course, Mama (and by that I mean Elmyra) says it's unsafe; there are people who would sneak right into the building in broad daylight with less-than-happy intentions. If I am going to have flowers to sell for all of us, though, I am not sure what else I could do!!
Anyway, now its the middle of the night and I can't sleep. "Afraid" is not the right word... just unable.
I had one of those dreams again. As usual, in it I am very small and cannot move right and cannot make words but am just so, so scared. Nobody likes nightmares!! I know exactly what these dreams are about, though, so there's no reason to think about them too much. The present holds so much unhappiness for so many that my childhood of captivity should be let go. I want to let it go, I want to, I want to for the sake of others... but more and more frequently again I'm seeing things with teeth when I sleep and am feeling the burn of needles and bright lights... and proud laughter.
I don't trouble anybody with things like this because, well, we all have burdens to bear. As long as I have my home- as long as I'm just plain alive, even- I have it better than a lot of people I see in the slums.
Now and then, I just wish I had somebody, is all, that had room for me in their heart. I need a person I can trust... but I won't be selfish about it, okay?
I... I don't mean a family member or anything like that, just...
Somebody.
...Hehehe... I can't seem to really say what I mean! I think you can guess, but I'm suddenly turning a little red. Maybe another time.
SO many wishes, and I can't even see them come true in my dreams...