FEELS (AKA GURL I CAN'T EXPLAIN WAT I FEEL)
FEELS TOO MANY FEELS, WHAT ARE THEM?
first, it been so long. this journal seems useless. I'm just too lazy. im always too lazy, i fail at life for being too lazy. i been saying i was going to write something but it been like 5 months since i did so. otl. i don't think i still have ljfriends but if anyone is reading this. i love you.
ok back to the main point. MY FEEEEEEEEEELSSSS. i don't know how i haven't got a heart-attack from such feelings.
and you may say, here she comes again talking about her love for onew and shinee and such and such. BUT NO! THIS ISN'T ABOUT SHINEE. (my shinee feels are practically dead, idk what happened lol. well except when onew start singing. that's what keeps me in that fandom.) anyways.. this is about EXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. OMG. IM TOO OLD FOR THIS! IM FUCKING 22, IM NOT IN STATE OF BEING THIS DRAGGED INTO A GROUP. A GROUP THAT JUST DEBUTED. I CAN'T HELP IT, I CAN'T CONTROL IT. (my twitter is been full of caps these last few days.)
my bias. bias list should be prohibited, banned. but you guys know me. i can't just like them all the same. i just can't. as for now tao and kai have been on top of my exo bias list. i can't control it. KAI IS DRIVING ME CRAZY AND MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SUCH A PEDO, FUCK, HE'S FUCKING 18. you guys should believe me when i say i should be in jail. BUT TAO ISN'T ANY BETTER. HE'S ALSO 18! I WANT TO DIEEEEEE. why my bias are the maknaes idek. its like seeing taemin with other eyes. and that just wrong. taemin will forever be a baby in my eyes and the worse part is that he's older than them FML. but then lets end it here, and not talk about the things i could do to kris. and what taoris is been doing to me. new otp, is otp. its like jongyu all over again.
ALSO the whole smtownLA commotion have dragged me into going crazy. this is bad real bad joe jackson. (lol)
my feels haven't been controlled since then. (if they every were).
this is me now days. it was good knowing you. lol (i will try to comeback as a normal person)
____
i been fine. just a bit broke. (too broke)
I just finished this semester. im almost graduating.. i still need two more semesters and i will be out of university. hopefully. even tho my grades aren't the best and neither is my GPA. but that's the least i care. i don't give a fuck. i never did, so there's no point on being a crybaby about it. I'm sure i will cry in the future when i can't find the job i want. but well at this point, i can't be helped.
my (trichotilomania) hair-pulling problem is worse. my hairstylist is working her magic in hiding the bald spots.
i was thinking one these days, that maybe my problem is that i have some kind of self-harm problem, not physically but i do everything in my power to degrade, humiliate myself. i should get that checked with a psychologist or something.
if anyone actually read this, how are you doing? ... if no one did then i will continue being the forever loner here lol
first, it been so long. this journal seems useless. I'm just too lazy. im always too lazy, i fail at life for being too lazy. i been saying i was going to write something but it been like 5 months since i did so. otl. i don't think i still have ljfriends but if anyone is reading this. i love you.
ok back to the main point. MY FEEEEEEEEEELSSSS. i don't know how i haven't got a heart-attack from such feelings.
and you may say, here she comes again talking about her love for onew and shinee and such and such. BUT NO! THIS ISN'T ABOUT SHINEE. (my shinee feels are practically dead, idk what happened lol. well except when onew start singing. that's what keeps me in that fandom.) anyways.. this is about EXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. OMG. IM TOO OLD FOR THIS! IM FUCKING 22, IM NOT IN STATE OF BEING THIS DRAGGED INTO A GROUP. A GROUP THAT JUST DEBUTED. I CAN'T HELP IT, I CAN'T CONTROL IT. (my twitter is been full of caps these last few days.)
my bias. bias list should be prohibited, banned. but you guys know me. i can't just like them all the same. i just can't. as for now tao and kai have been on top of my exo bias list. i can't control it. KAI IS DRIVING ME CRAZY AND MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SUCH A PEDO, FUCK, HE'S FUCKING 18. you guys should believe me when i say i should be in jail. BUT TAO ISN'T ANY BETTER. HE'S ALSO 18! I WANT TO DIEEEEEE. why my bias are the maknaes idek. its like seeing taemin with other eyes. and that just wrong. taemin will forever be a baby in my eyes and the worse part is that he's older than them FML. but then lets end it here, and not talk about the things i could do to kris. and what taoris is been doing to me. new otp, is otp. its like jongyu all over again.
ALSO the whole smtownLA commotion have dragged me into going crazy. this is bad real bad joe jackson. (lol)
my feels haven't been controlled since then. (if they every were).
this is me now days. it was good knowing you. lol (i will try to comeback as a normal person)
____
i been fine. just a bit broke. (too broke)
I just finished this semester. im almost graduating.. i still need two more semesters and i will be out of university. hopefully. even tho my grades aren't the best and neither is my GPA. but that's the least i care. i don't give a fuck. i never did, so there's no point on being a crybaby about it. I'm sure i will cry in the future when i can't find the job i want. but well at this point, i can't be helped.
my (trichotilomania) hair-pulling problem is worse. my hairstylist is working her magic in hiding the bald spots.
i was thinking one these days, that maybe my problem is that i have some kind of self-harm problem, not physically but i do everything in my power to degrade, humiliate myself. i should get that checked with a psychologist or something.
if anyone actually read this, how are you doing? ... if no one did then i will continue being the forever loner here lol