Today so far...
I was dragged, kicking and screaming from the world of zed by my boyfriend who insisted that 9am is a good time to get up, my kids climbed on the bed and tried to attempt to communicate with me. Since my vocabulary in a morning is limited to a a handful of single syllable grunts (a language, in which my kids have yet to become fluent), they quickly gave up on verbal communication and attempted semaphor using the clothes they planned to wear today. They then snuggled down for a hug while I was revived into consciousness with a coffee my boyfriend had produced and a cigarette. Half an our later I had developed the capacity to slither out of bed like a geriatric slug and I proceeded to stumble down the stairs bow-legged, grunting like some neolithic ancestor as I made slow progress down into the kitchen.
The meeting with the furry fiends of the family began as soon as I opened the fridge and pulled out a packet of pork. By the time the bread had come out of the bread bin I had to call for order which lasted long enough for me to put the meat in the sandwiches for the kids breakfast before I was overwhelmed by the persistent glares of dogs and cats.
I finally succumbed to their demands and proceeded to tear up a slice of pork. Paddy (my mum's lurcher who I am presently dog sitting) was first in line for his piece of meat, then Kichi (my youngest dog) and amazingly I had to call for Gypsy (my oldest dog) who is normally at the front of the queue because she is a were-pig. Cheddar, my silver tabby was next in line followed by Cobble who made me check his mouth because I thought he'd taken my finger as well as the meat. Cobble has recently been wormed, but he still behaves like he never gets fed. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with the fact that he was taken from his mother and abandoned on a back street before he was even weaned.
I looked round for my eldest cat Venus, and there she was staring at me from her basket in a manner that said "fetch it here slave". So like a plonker I went to her to give her a share of the meat.
I've planned on a lazy morning this morning while I wait for my boyfriend to return from a meeting. We might go out this afternoon. So while I'm slugging it in front of the computer my kids are playing on their gameboys.
I did the washing up earlier. Cobble was sat on the draining board watching me with a strange expression on his face. He still can't understand why I voluntarily put my paws in that horrible wet stuff. I opened the back door to put the tins in the recycle box. I was just about to shut the back door again when a heard a feline voice hailing for a taxi from the top of the yard wall. Cheddar!
He glared at me in a fashion that said "come on then, come and fetch me". I glared right back at him and told him sternly that unlike my boyfriend I would not be treated as a feline taxi. Cheddar scowled at me for a few moments then mumbled something about not being able to get the staff these days, then jumped down of the wall and strolled back into the house in a huff.
My mum has just arrived to collect Paddy. He's a dopey dog. The minute my mum walked through the door he launched himself at her shouting "mummy, mummy, I love you, I love you!". He still hasn't figured out his own strength yet, and he doesn't understand that a claw down a womans breast really bloody hurts. Poor mum!
The meeting with the furry fiends of the family began as soon as I opened the fridge and pulled out a packet of pork. By the time the bread had come out of the bread bin I had to call for order which lasted long enough for me to put the meat in the sandwiches for the kids breakfast before I was overwhelmed by the persistent glares of dogs and cats.
I finally succumbed to their demands and proceeded to tear up a slice of pork. Paddy (my mum's lurcher who I am presently dog sitting) was first in line for his piece of meat, then Kichi (my youngest dog) and amazingly I had to call for Gypsy (my oldest dog) who is normally at the front of the queue because she is a were-pig. Cheddar, my silver tabby was next in line followed by Cobble who made me check his mouth because I thought he'd taken my finger as well as the meat. Cobble has recently been wormed, but he still behaves like he never gets fed. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with the fact that he was taken from his mother and abandoned on a back street before he was even weaned.
I looked round for my eldest cat Venus, and there she was staring at me from her basket in a manner that said "fetch it here slave". So like a plonker I went to her to give her a share of the meat.
I've planned on a lazy morning this morning while I wait for my boyfriend to return from a meeting. We might go out this afternoon. So while I'm slugging it in front of the computer my kids are playing on their gameboys.
I did the washing up earlier. Cobble was sat on the draining board watching me with a strange expression on his face. He still can't understand why I voluntarily put my paws in that horrible wet stuff. I opened the back door to put the tins in the recycle box. I was just about to shut the back door again when a heard a feline voice hailing for a taxi from the top of the yard wall. Cheddar!
He glared at me in a fashion that said "come on then, come and fetch me". I glared right back at him and told him sternly that unlike my boyfriend I would not be treated as a feline taxi. Cheddar scowled at me for a few moments then mumbled something about not being able to get the staff these days, then jumped down of the wall and strolled back into the house in a huff.
My mum has just arrived to collect Paddy. He's a dopey dog. The minute my mum walked through the door he launched himself at her shouting "mummy, mummy, I love you, I love you!". He still hasn't figured out his own strength yet, and he doesn't understand that a claw down a womans breast really bloody hurts. Poor mum!