Language Time!
Today, we will explore the fascinating world of English grammar and spelling.
Wait - Come back!
No. “but omg n0t egnlihs kl4$$ lol!!1!1!!” is not an excuse, people. Ever. If you must know, it’s probably an all-expenses paid ticket to Dumbasses-R-Us.
Let’s analyze that sentence, shall we?
“But omg it’s not English class. There we go. A reasonable sentence. Legible, at least.
Now, to the rationale! I don’t care if you’re not in English class. I don’t care where you are at all, really, unless you’re sitting outside with a sniper rifle trained on my window. The purpose of English class (in my mind) is to give you skills for real life. Yeah, yeah, the Internet doesn’t really qualify as “in real life” but I’ll include it here? Why? Because we’re writing. And that means that someone else will have to read what we’ve written. Still with me? Good. Now, what’s really important in that sentence there is the reading bit. No one wants to have to slog through your cesspool of shitty grammar and misspellings. People won’t take you seriously/will mock you/will flame you to death if you can’t be bothered to take the five fucking seconds to proofread your comment/post, or hit that little “Check spelling” button at the bottom of the window. Or, even better, if you make a tiny bit of an effort to type well and compose clear sentences. This matters because people are going to judge you on how you write. Pull off thirty-thousand “u”s and “r”s and no one will ever take you seriously. Kudos to them. Anyone who feels the need to write in stupidspeak is summarily declared null and void.
U OPRESSSORS CN”T CNOTROL MEEEEE! FREE SPEEACH ZOMG!
You have the free speech to type like that - but I have the free speech to tell you to shut the hell up. Deal with it. Go play in another sandbox if it bothers you that much.
Now, onto our authoritative correctional lesson:
Your/you’re: Goddammit, people, you should have learned this one in second grade. Your horrible grammar compels me to tell you that you’re an absolute fuckwit.
Its/it’s: Its obstinate childishness convinced the others to knife it in the chest. It’s dead now.
Then/than: Then he said, “I’d rather eat fire ants than sit through another “conversation” with a MSN-riddled teenybopper.”
Our/are: Our archenemies are tYpInG lYkE tHiS.
Affect/effect: The stench of the ammonia affected the girls. They stumbled around, bumped into a batch of sulfuric acid, and suffered its debilitating effects.
Note: Effect can be used as a verb in some cases. Like: He effected a change in the girl’s word use.
Discrete/discreet: He was very discreet in his Discrete Geometry class.
There we go. If I catch any of you typing in ALL CAPS, your parents will find you dead in your bed from “natural” causes.
Wait - Come back!
No. “but omg n0t egnlihs kl4$$ lol!!1!1!!” is not an excuse, people. Ever. If you must know, it’s probably an all-expenses paid ticket to Dumbasses-R-Us.
Let’s analyze that sentence, shall we?
“But omg it’s not English class. There we go. A reasonable sentence. Legible, at least.
Now, to the rationale! I don’t care if you’re not in English class. I don’t care where you are at all, really, unless you’re sitting outside with a sniper rifle trained on my window. The purpose of English class (in my mind) is to give you skills for real life. Yeah, yeah, the Internet doesn’t really qualify as “in real life” but I’ll include it here? Why? Because we’re writing. And that means that someone else will have to read what we’ve written. Still with me? Good. Now, what’s really important in that sentence there is the reading bit. No one wants to have to slog through your cesspool of shitty grammar and misspellings. People won’t take you seriously/will mock you/will flame you to death if you can’t be bothered to take the five fucking seconds to proofread your comment/post, or hit that little “Check spelling” button at the bottom of the window. Or, even better, if you make a tiny bit of an effort to type well and compose clear sentences. This matters because people are going to judge you on how you write. Pull off thirty-thousand “u”s and “r”s and no one will ever take you seriously. Kudos to them. Anyone who feels the need to write in stupidspeak is summarily declared null and void.
U OPRESSSORS CN”T CNOTROL MEEEEE! FREE SPEEACH ZOMG!
You have the free speech to type like that - but I have the free speech to tell you to shut the hell up. Deal with it. Go play in another sandbox if it bothers you that much.
Now, onto our authoritative correctional lesson:
Your/you’re: Goddammit, people, you should have learned this one in second grade. Your horrible grammar compels me to tell you that you’re an absolute fuckwit.
Its/it’s: Its obstinate childishness convinced the others to knife it in the chest. It’s dead now.
Then/than: Then he said, “I’d rather eat fire ants than sit through another “conversation” with a MSN-riddled teenybopper.”
Our/are: Our archenemies are tYpInG lYkE tHiS.
Affect/effect: The stench of the ammonia affected the girls. They stumbled around, bumped into a batch of sulfuric acid, and suffered its debilitating effects.
Note: Effect can be used as a verb in some cases. Like: He effected a change in the girl’s word use.
Discrete/discreet: He was very discreet in his Discrete Geometry class.
There we go. If I catch any of you typing in ALL CAPS, your parents will find you dead in your bed from “natural” causes.