let's remember olden days...
an entry from three years ago:
It?s not as if I haven't ever been here before.
It isn?t as if this is something new to me- something I have yet to experience.
It?s not as if I haven?t felt this exact same way prior to this current situation.
It?s not as if this isn?t just the story of my life replaying like a skipping CD.
And it?s definitely not as if I?m actually going to do something different about it now.
I?m kind of tired of doing the same thing TIME and TIME again?
but what else can I do?
Just get over it.
That was years ago.
I have this method- to deal with pain.
Take it to the backyard of your heart like a mischievous puppy-
and bury it somewhere beneath the rest of the wreckage.
When I say wreckage I don?t mean sharp, heavy abandoned steel cars-
The debris is rather more like light pieces of paper that get blown away so easily;
With the slightest breeze of reminder the paper is moved and the pain uncovered.
Just get over it.
That was years ago.
I guess some people deal differently-
I guess some people actually handle the hurt-
I guess I just can?t hold that biting, stinging pain and act accordingly.
I guess I?d rather pretend that I?m fine?
Sometimes I feel like I?m seconds away from a crash and burn nervous breakdown-
But I really don?t think anyone would ever know.
Just get over it.
That was years ago.
I am a balloon:
21 years (almost 22) of huffing and puffing? people filling me with suffering;
so that there?s can be released.
One more puff- and I think I will just explode.
Just get over it.
That was years ago?
Maybe- but it feels fresh, like it?s still happening now.
It?s not as if I haven't ever been here before.
It isn?t as if this is something new to me- something I have yet to experience.
It?s not as if I haven?t felt this exact same way prior to this current situation.
It?s not as if this isn?t just the story of my life replaying like a skipping CD.
And it?s definitely not as if I?m actually going to do something different about it now.
I?m kind of tired of doing the same thing TIME and TIME again?
but what else can I do?
Just get over it.
That was years ago.
I have this method- to deal with pain.
Take it to the backyard of your heart like a mischievous puppy-
and bury it somewhere beneath the rest of the wreckage.
When I say wreckage I don?t mean sharp, heavy abandoned steel cars-
The debris is rather more like light pieces of paper that get blown away so easily;
With the slightest breeze of reminder the paper is moved and the pain uncovered.
Just get over it.
That was years ago.
I guess some people deal differently-
I guess some people actually handle the hurt-
I guess I just can?t hold that biting, stinging pain and act accordingly.
I guess I?d rather pretend that I?m fine?
Sometimes I feel like I?m seconds away from a crash and burn nervous breakdown-
But I really don?t think anyone would ever know.
Just get over it.
That was years ago.
I am a balloon:
21 years (almost 22) of huffing and puffing? people filling me with suffering;
so that there?s can be released.
One more puff- and I think I will just explode.
Just get over it.
That was years ago?
Maybe- but it feels fresh, like it?s still happening now.