Bored!!!
I know it's been like a year well not really but almost. So lets see what's new. Not a lot I'm still with Kenny we're supposed to be getting our own place now which would be awesome. It's really hard for me to sleep at night without him now. I get to stay over tonight horray :) He's my baby. We're gonna be together forever I can feel it. Anyways my friend Kyle likes me which is really weird and I know that he thinks I like him back but I really don't. I'm in love with Kenny and I don't like anyone actually. My dad is gone. Which is really depressing because I miss him and we never see him. I'm growing up so fast. I'm also going for my license again in two weeks. Hopefully this time I'll pass that would be nice.
I really wish that no one liked me at all. That would make life so much easier don't you think? Oh well fuck it I'm trying of getting dumbasses to leave me alone. The kid calls me like 6 times aday. I also think that he lies about his dad hitting him. Who would make up shit like that come on now that's serious you know? Ed's single again yeah he actually had a real gf for almost 2 months. Now he likes me again...wtf. Get rid of one idiot gain two more back. I finally got rid of David. Grrr these men need to get a grip on reality hello do the words taken mean anything to you dumb asses? Now I know I'm blonde but come on now...especially when you know Kenny...what the hell is their problem?
So I guess my dad is supposed to move back in if he wants to and I'll be sharing a room with my mom. No big deal I'm barely ever home anyways. I just used to look up to my parents as if they were gonna be together forever even though it seemed that everyone in the world was breakin up, and than he goes and leaves us for someone younger and the total opposite of what he fell in love with. It's really none of my business I guess, but why wasn't he happy with us? We were a good family. We ate dinner together...always together. Now it just seems like everything is falling apart. I have to set my own standards for Kenny and I because I don't have something to go by now. I come from a broken home. It sounds so weird to say. I'm more hurt that he doesn't come to see us. There's also different ways to go about handeling how to deal with it. I just decided to let it go because there's no reason to hate him. I mean you only live once why dwell on the past. He made the mistake not us. He's going through hell for his choice so why should I make matters worse by acting out when he comes around or totally ignoring him. I already lost one dad I'm not going to lose another one. The only who actually seemed to care.
I don't know my real dad he never came around when he was supposed to so my mom cut him lose from my life haven't seen him since. That was like when I was four. In some ways I feel like a part of me is missing. I mean wouldn't you? I don't know where I come from. I don't know my background. It really bothers me. I wish I could fix it some how. But it seems impossible to find him in a way. Maybe I'm not supposed to. If I'm supposed to have him in my life he would have been there. Than again everything happens for a reason. I just want to know who I am. Some pieces are missing from the puzzle. Some spots that my mom can't fill in for me. I want to know where I come from. The other half that makes me who I am.
I went to the massage therapy school. I'm not doing that now you have to get naked under a sheet and let people touch you I definatly don't want that. I have a thing with touching. I don't trust people in that area lol. So now I don't know what I'm going to do. Lets see maybe I'll become a therapist and help myself. Figure out why I feel the way i do and seem to have no controls over my emotions. I don't cry as much as I used to. Not for stupid reasons now.
I have a lot of things that I'm going through that are really hard and without Kenny I don't know where I would be. Sometimes I just wanna run away. I never have though. My family needs me and I could never turn my back on them ever...it makes me cry at night. That someone could just dessert us like this. How can you turn your back on something that you worked so hard on for so many years? How can you turn and leave when you know you have responsibilities and a family that needs you depends on you? I just don't understand. It hurts and I keep this built up for so long that I lash out. I become this big bitch. Sometimes I say that I hate him for doing this to us. For leaving running away from his problems like a child. He's grown up. You have to face your fears. Now he's facing them alone. Before he was facing them with us. Now he's alone. The other girl doesn't know him like we do. He puts up a front. Acts totally different than he did with us. Everytime that I do see him I hug him and I'm not mad at him anymore. Knowing that he left makes me want to slap him in the face and ask him what the hell he's thinking leaving us to fend for ourselves. I have more responsibility than I should. I'm helping with bills. I don't make enough to pay them. How are we going to get by. What I wonder the most is how he can get up in the morning and look at himself in the mirror? Especially knowing what he did. He lied he cheated and he left. How can you just throw everything away like that? Maybe one day I'll find out everything that I want to know but I feel that I wrote what I wanted to so I'm going to leave now.
I really wish that no one liked me at all. That would make life so much easier don't you think? Oh well fuck it I'm trying of getting dumbasses to leave me alone. The kid calls me like 6 times aday. I also think that he lies about his dad hitting him. Who would make up shit like that come on now that's serious you know? Ed's single again yeah he actually had a real gf for almost 2 months. Now he likes me again...wtf. Get rid of one idiot gain two more back. I finally got rid of David. Grrr these men need to get a grip on reality hello do the words taken mean anything to you dumb asses? Now I know I'm blonde but come on now...especially when you know Kenny...what the hell is their problem?
So I guess my dad is supposed to move back in if he wants to and I'll be sharing a room with my mom. No big deal I'm barely ever home anyways. I just used to look up to my parents as if they were gonna be together forever even though it seemed that everyone in the world was breakin up, and than he goes and leaves us for someone younger and the total opposite of what he fell in love with. It's really none of my business I guess, but why wasn't he happy with us? We were a good family. We ate dinner together...always together. Now it just seems like everything is falling apart. I have to set my own standards for Kenny and I because I don't have something to go by now. I come from a broken home. It sounds so weird to say. I'm more hurt that he doesn't come to see us. There's also different ways to go about handeling how to deal with it. I just decided to let it go because there's no reason to hate him. I mean you only live once why dwell on the past. He made the mistake not us. He's going through hell for his choice so why should I make matters worse by acting out when he comes around or totally ignoring him. I already lost one dad I'm not going to lose another one. The only who actually seemed to care.
I don't know my real dad he never came around when he was supposed to so my mom cut him lose from my life haven't seen him since. That was like when I was four. In some ways I feel like a part of me is missing. I mean wouldn't you? I don't know where I come from. I don't know my background. It really bothers me. I wish I could fix it some how. But it seems impossible to find him in a way. Maybe I'm not supposed to. If I'm supposed to have him in my life he would have been there. Than again everything happens for a reason. I just want to know who I am. Some pieces are missing from the puzzle. Some spots that my mom can't fill in for me. I want to know where I come from. The other half that makes me who I am.
I went to the massage therapy school. I'm not doing that now you have to get naked under a sheet and let people touch you I definatly don't want that. I have a thing with touching. I don't trust people in that area lol. So now I don't know what I'm going to do. Lets see maybe I'll become a therapist and help myself. Figure out why I feel the way i do and seem to have no controls over my emotions. I don't cry as much as I used to. Not for stupid reasons now.
I have a lot of things that I'm going through that are really hard and without Kenny I don't know where I would be. Sometimes I just wanna run away. I never have though. My family needs me and I could never turn my back on them ever...it makes me cry at night. That someone could just dessert us like this. How can you turn your back on something that you worked so hard on for so many years? How can you turn and leave when you know you have responsibilities and a family that needs you depends on you? I just don't understand. It hurts and I keep this built up for so long that I lash out. I become this big bitch. Sometimes I say that I hate him for doing this to us. For leaving running away from his problems like a child. He's grown up. You have to face your fears. Now he's facing them alone. Before he was facing them with us. Now he's alone. The other girl doesn't know him like we do. He puts up a front. Acts totally different than he did with us. Everytime that I do see him I hug him and I'm not mad at him anymore. Knowing that he left makes me want to slap him in the face and ask him what the hell he's thinking leaving us to fend for ourselves. I have more responsibility than I should. I'm helping with bills. I don't make enough to pay them. How are we going to get by. What I wonder the most is how he can get up in the morning and look at himself in the mirror? Especially knowing what he did. He lied he cheated and he left. How can you just throw everything away like that? Maybe one day I'll find out everything that I want to know but I feel that I wrote what I wanted to so I'm going to leave now.