midnight ramblings
So it's been quite a long two weeks since the last time I've updated. Actually we're quickly approaching the three week mark, aren't we?
So I've been out and about to a few bars here in Oswego and I must say I enjoy it quite a bit. Not the paying waaaaay too much for a beer part, but the atmosphere and the sitting around drinking and chatting part.
School is coming to the point of stressing me out. I am in class or at work all the time it seems. Exams are starting and things are really beginning to kick into high gear. So far I am doing great in all of my classes, though. I've only had one quiz, in philosophy, and I got a 100% on it. I also had to lead a discussion group for that class and I got a 100% on that too. No other classes have had any evaluations of any sort but I am understanding all of the material so that's good. Social psychology is really interesting, it's making me think about a lot of different things. I have my first exam for that next Tuesday and that's probably the thing that's stressing me out the most right now because there is just so much information. And the professor is kind of a dink, he still doesn't know my name and he's just a weirdo about the essays on the exam. Counseling I think is going well. My lab is very interesting and I'm afraid that I'm going to be the next one to break down and cry. I have been thinking about a lot of things lately (nothing really new there) and I am just unsure of what happens next.
I suppose the most exciting thing that's happened is that I found out that Kevin is coming home in approximately 19 days. =-D =-D =-D We had a great conversation yesterday. (Happy Belated Valentine's Day, btw). He was my Valentine =-D and I only had to share him with his little cousin from South Carolina. I figured that was ok. Haha. We had a long conversation too, and I got him to admit that I am special to him and that he wants to work on the whole us thing. Well, like I was saying to Kathy, he wanted to be able to do something right then and there to prove that I matter to him, but I told him it's something we need to work on when he gets home. He said he sent me something in the mail and I'm very curious to find out what it might be!!!! It's supposed to get here before he does. I seriously am so excited to see him. The plan is that we work on "us" stuff before we sleep together again but... I have this uncanny feeling that something is going to happen before all of our issues get worked out. It's been a long (almost) 7 months. It's weird because right after he gets home will be one year since we started sleeping together which is really like one year since we started this crazy... "relationship" or whatever it is. I mean, it is a relationship but I'm not really sure how much weight to give to that word. A lot of things can be attached to that word and I'm not sure how many of them fit into ours. He's not my boyfriend, and I'm not sure he'll ever be serious about wanting to be my boyfriend. I'm not really sure what he's ready for. That's what we have to work out when he gets home. I know I've kissed other guys and I've seriously talked to other guys (sidebar, real quick: I like how "talk" now means... "we're into each other and maybe we've kissed and we're kind of on our way to dating"... it's weird how that started) but no one has made me feel anything close to how I feel with Kevin. I'm not sure he understands that when I tell him he's special to me... I genuinely care about him in a way that I haven't experienced since... ever? Bah, whatever. There's issues there that will be worked out eventually. For now I'm just looking forward to whatever it is he sent me (his exact words: "You're going to love it. You'll go apeshit." Apeshit is a pretty good descriptive word) and for him to get his ass back stateside.
I'm trying to think of something else to talk about. I really shouldn't be spilling all this about him in here, I mean, anyone can read it and really it's just me whining about some stupid boy who's never been ready for a commitment and most likely never will be and yet here I am, 2 years later and still just holding out even a scrap of hope that he will come home and realize that I am everything he never knew he always wanted.
What happens if he gets home and decides that he really doesn't want me after all? Then what do I do? Rebound back into my wild girl days of making out with anyone who'll have me, searching for someone who gives me an ounce of the feeling I have with him? I've been down that road. I really honestly don't know what I will do if he gets home and rejects me. It's taken us so long to even get to the point where he will say anything remotely recognizable as an emotion... I feel like we've come too far to take steps back now. Or maybe I'm just too attached to something that's never going to happen.
Deep issues for this time of night, when I should be sleeping. I'm going to die tomorrow, but that's ok.
OH MY GOD I THINK I KNOW WHAT HE SENT ME. LoL I just thought of this and I definitely will go apeshit and die laughing if I'm right. There's a story, so bear (bare?) with me. Saturday night we went to a bar for Katie's birthday and I got talking to this kid named Ryan. Ryan is missing one of his top front teeth. That's all that I could really notice about him. Oh, and he dropped his bottle on my foot. BUT I was being so sarcastic to him and he kept saying he thought he was in love with me. He invited me to his house and I told him I wasn't allowed to go home with strangers. Then when it was time to leave I didn't even give him time to ask for my number, I just shook his hand, told him it was nice to meet him and basically ran away. I told that to Kevin, and he told me, "You rock. It's official. Your certificate is in the mail." If he sent me an f-ing you rock certificate I will absolutely DIE laughing. It would be perfect. I hope that's what it is. Now I'm even MORE excited.
Ok, now that I have sufficiently cheered myself up (thank God) it's time for bed. Night y'all! And I promise the next update will come before the middle of March, haha.
So I've been out and about to a few bars here in Oswego and I must say I enjoy it quite a bit. Not the paying waaaaay too much for a beer part, but the atmosphere and the sitting around drinking and chatting part.
School is coming to the point of stressing me out. I am in class or at work all the time it seems. Exams are starting and things are really beginning to kick into high gear. So far I am doing great in all of my classes, though. I've only had one quiz, in philosophy, and I got a 100% on it. I also had to lead a discussion group for that class and I got a 100% on that too. No other classes have had any evaluations of any sort but I am understanding all of the material so that's good. Social psychology is really interesting, it's making me think about a lot of different things. I have my first exam for that next Tuesday and that's probably the thing that's stressing me out the most right now because there is just so much information. And the professor is kind of a dink, he still doesn't know my name and he's just a weirdo about the essays on the exam. Counseling I think is going well. My lab is very interesting and I'm afraid that I'm going to be the next one to break down and cry. I have been thinking about a lot of things lately (nothing really new there) and I am just unsure of what happens next.
I suppose the most exciting thing that's happened is that I found out that Kevin is coming home in approximately 19 days. =-D =-D =-D We had a great conversation yesterday. (Happy Belated Valentine's Day, btw). He was my Valentine =-D and I only had to share him with his little cousin from South Carolina. I figured that was ok. Haha. We had a long conversation too, and I got him to admit that I am special to him and that he wants to work on the whole us thing. Well, like I was saying to Kathy, he wanted to be able to do something right then and there to prove that I matter to him, but I told him it's something we need to work on when he gets home. He said he sent me something in the mail and I'm very curious to find out what it might be!!!! It's supposed to get here before he does. I seriously am so excited to see him. The plan is that we work on "us" stuff before we sleep together again but... I have this uncanny feeling that something is going to happen before all of our issues get worked out. It's been a long (almost) 7 months. It's weird because right after he gets home will be one year since we started sleeping together which is really like one year since we started this crazy... "relationship" or whatever it is. I mean, it is a relationship but I'm not really sure how much weight to give to that word. A lot of things can be attached to that word and I'm not sure how many of them fit into ours. He's not my boyfriend, and I'm not sure he'll ever be serious about wanting to be my boyfriend. I'm not really sure what he's ready for. That's what we have to work out when he gets home. I know I've kissed other guys and I've seriously talked to other guys (sidebar, real quick: I like how "talk" now means... "we're into each other and maybe we've kissed and we're kind of on our way to dating"... it's weird how that started) but no one has made me feel anything close to how I feel with Kevin. I'm not sure he understands that when I tell him he's special to me... I genuinely care about him in a way that I haven't experienced since... ever? Bah, whatever. There's issues there that will be worked out eventually. For now I'm just looking forward to whatever it is he sent me (his exact words: "You're going to love it. You'll go apeshit." Apeshit is a pretty good descriptive word) and for him to get his ass back stateside.
I'm trying to think of something else to talk about. I really shouldn't be spilling all this about him in here, I mean, anyone can read it and really it's just me whining about some stupid boy who's never been ready for a commitment and most likely never will be and yet here I am, 2 years later and still just holding out even a scrap of hope that he will come home and realize that I am everything he never knew he always wanted.
What happens if he gets home and decides that he really doesn't want me after all? Then what do I do? Rebound back into my wild girl days of making out with anyone who'll have me, searching for someone who gives me an ounce of the feeling I have with him? I've been down that road. I really honestly don't know what I will do if he gets home and rejects me. It's taken us so long to even get to the point where he will say anything remotely recognizable as an emotion... I feel like we've come too far to take steps back now. Or maybe I'm just too attached to something that's never going to happen.
Deep issues for this time of night, when I should be sleeping. I'm going to die tomorrow, but that's ok.
OH MY GOD I THINK I KNOW WHAT HE SENT ME. LoL I just thought of this and I definitely will go apeshit and die laughing if I'm right. There's a story, so bear (bare?) with me. Saturday night we went to a bar for Katie's birthday and I got talking to this kid named Ryan. Ryan is missing one of his top front teeth. That's all that I could really notice about him. Oh, and he dropped his bottle on my foot. BUT I was being so sarcastic to him and he kept saying he thought he was in love with me. He invited me to his house and I told him I wasn't allowed to go home with strangers. Then when it was time to leave I didn't even give him time to ask for my number, I just shook his hand, told him it was nice to meet him and basically ran away. I told that to Kevin, and he told me, "You rock. It's official. Your certificate is in the mail." If he sent me an f-ing you rock certificate I will absolutely DIE laughing. It would be perfect. I hope that's what it is. Now I'm even MORE excited.
Ok, now that I have sufficiently cheered myself up (thank God) it's time for bed. Night y'all! And I promise the next update will come before the middle of March, haha.