Dorm Life
Alright kids, I know its been far too long since my last real story. I aplogize. From now on I'm going to try to put a new one up every Monday. I hope you enjoy.
My freshmen year of college I had the distinct pleasure of living in a dormitory, as I’m sure many of you did. This is an experience that few will forget. So many aspects of dorm living are unique. One will contend with issues they never have before and probably never will again. I think the real reason we’re all stuck with such crappy dorms is to prepare us. You see, the economy is down and it looks like there will be few jobs available when kids like me graduate. This means we’re only going to be able afford the most modest of housing. Despite however bad things get though we can rest assured that we won’t be bothered by our small apartments No matter how bad a place could be its not going to be as bad as my dorm freshmen year. First of all let me mention the size of this room: 10’ x 15’. “Not so bad, for a dorm” you might think. Well let me remind you I had two roommates, and no closet either. A fact that always fascinated me was that this is smallest legal size three people can be legally housed in according to the state law of where I went to school. Sometimes I used to think that if I put on a few extra coats of paint I could call the cops on the school, and force them to give me a better room. Alas, painting wasn’t allowed. I guess the administration must have caught wind of my plot. Anyway as bad as the size of my room was what I really think was the kicker was living together with forty other guys.
True, I shared a room with only two other guys, but I can assure you that I lived with forty. That was the number of folks living on my hall. That was the number of guys I had to share a bathroom with. That was the number of guys I had to deal with every Tuesday night, when it was ‘Beer Ball Night’. Although I think the communal bathroom was by far the worst aspect of dorm life. This was not really because of the number of guys who used it, but rather the particular guys I was lucky enough to share it with. I really consider myself lucky in many ways. I had the esteemed privilege of living right down the hall from my own personal Animal House. A little way down the hall from me was the headquarters for a group of males I liked to affectionately refer to as “The Idiots”. How did these gentlemen earn such a noble title? Well the answer is simple dear reader, “stupid is as stupid does”.
Now I understand college is a big transition. For many kids it is the first opportunity to live without the constraints of living with parents. When many such freshmen come to understand this new found liberation they take it upon themselves to test the limits of this freedom. This is I guess a very natural thing to do. But come on, what the fuck guys? I mean, how long does it really take to ‘explore’ this fucking ‘boundary’? And more importantly how much longer is it going to interrupt my sleep? I mean, Jesus Christ….
Ok, ok I’m sorry I guess should explain better. You see I had some of the dumbest and most self-destructive idiots in the world as my neighbors. All through my freshmen year, I was continuously baffled by the ever-increasing level of stupidity. Instead of just expressing what I thought of my dear hall mates let me cite a few examples of there shining intelligence.
I mentioned earlier that sharing the bathroom with theses guys was the pits, well let me clarify on that. It wasn’t that these guys were especially lazy and sloppy; I mean they were, but that wasn’t the problem. The issue was the made it a point to destroy the bathroom every single goddamn day. They would take the trashcan and empty it all over the floor, and then they would remove the paper towels and spread them all over the place. Sometimes they covered all the mirrors with shaving cream. Once someone even decided to take a shit in a bowl and put it next to the toilet. There is no greater feeling then walking into the bathroom one morning to find human feces in a bowl on the floor, let me tell you what.
One of my favorite memories of the boys occurred towards the end of school. One night, around 4 am, someone decided that they didn’t like the Styrofoam ceiling tiles anymore. So they took it upon themselves to do something about the situation. They were making quite a bit of noise and I decided to peer out and see what all the hub-bub was about. I discovered the group at the end of the hall. They were taking turns jumping up and punching the tiles. This looked like a pretty moronic scene, but I thought I better inquire with one of the young men, just to be sure.
“Hey, what’s up?” I shouted to one of them.
“Hey man, what’s going on?” Someone responded.
“Oh, not too much. Say, I was wondering, what are you guys doing?”
“Punching holes in the ceiling.”
“Oh, that’s what I thought.”
“Yeah man it’s awesome.”
“Yes, I can see that.”
With that I turned around and closed my door. Yet again I was amazed at their quest for stupidity. At least they were consistent.
College being what it is there was also a lot of drinking that went on that year, as it does every year. Anyway, as you might imagine those lovely idiots did plenty of it. The thing that amazed me was not the degree they consumed alcohol (Although two beer balls for 5 guys is pretty impressive) but the frequency they drank. The weekend was of course spent drunk every week by these kids, but the thing was so was several nights of the week. Tuesday was an especial popular night I remember. “Why Tuesday?” you might ask. Well, to be honest I haven’t a clue, I do know it had nothing to do with classes on Wednesday (they were going to skip those anyway). Many weeks they got drunker on the weekdays then Friday or Saturday. I guess all that not going to class was really wearing them down, or something.
Another instance, that is a particular favorite of mine is the one known as “Club Speare” Now, I wasn’t around for this occasion but I’ve heard and seen many a thing about this event and I feel pretty confidant in relating this to you. One slow Wednesday night the boys felt the need to dance I guess. They took out all of the lights in the hall and set up several strobe lights, before long Speare hall had been transformed into “Club Speare” our own personal rave party. It was intense, with the lights flashing the music pumping. Where was our RA during this time? Good question. Probably the whole reason all of this could happen on my hall was that my RA was never around. I think I saw him three or four times before he was fired in April. I have to admit I wish I could have gotten out of there in April as well.
Anyway, I guess dorm life is an experience most must endure. I certainly have learned to appreciate having my own personal toilet. I guess I have to thank The Idiots. They made freshmen year an interesting experience and were kind enough to never allow me to oversleep.
My freshmen year of college I had the distinct pleasure of living in a dormitory, as I’m sure many of you did. This is an experience that few will forget. So many aspects of dorm living are unique. One will contend with issues they never have before and probably never will again. I think the real reason we’re all stuck with such crappy dorms is to prepare us. You see, the economy is down and it looks like there will be few jobs available when kids like me graduate. This means we’re only going to be able afford the most modest of housing. Despite however bad things get though we can rest assured that we won’t be bothered by our small apartments No matter how bad a place could be its not going to be as bad as my dorm freshmen year. First of all let me mention the size of this room: 10’ x 15’. “Not so bad, for a dorm” you might think. Well let me remind you I had two roommates, and no closet either. A fact that always fascinated me was that this is smallest legal size three people can be legally housed in according to the state law of where I went to school. Sometimes I used to think that if I put on a few extra coats of paint I could call the cops on the school, and force them to give me a better room. Alas, painting wasn’t allowed. I guess the administration must have caught wind of my plot. Anyway as bad as the size of my room was what I really think was the kicker was living together with forty other guys.
True, I shared a room with only two other guys, but I can assure you that I lived with forty. That was the number of folks living on my hall. That was the number of guys I had to share a bathroom with. That was the number of guys I had to deal with every Tuesday night, when it was ‘Beer Ball Night’. Although I think the communal bathroom was by far the worst aspect of dorm life. This was not really because of the number of guys who used it, but rather the particular guys I was lucky enough to share it with. I really consider myself lucky in many ways. I had the esteemed privilege of living right down the hall from my own personal Animal House. A little way down the hall from me was the headquarters for a group of males I liked to affectionately refer to as “The Idiots”. How did these gentlemen earn such a noble title? Well the answer is simple dear reader, “stupid is as stupid does”.
Now I understand college is a big transition. For many kids it is the first opportunity to live without the constraints of living with parents. When many such freshmen come to understand this new found liberation they take it upon themselves to test the limits of this freedom. This is I guess a very natural thing to do. But come on, what the fuck guys? I mean, how long does it really take to ‘explore’ this fucking ‘boundary’? And more importantly how much longer is it going to interrupt my sleep? I mean, Jesus Christ….
Ok, ok I’m sorry I guess should explain better. You see I had some of the dumbest and most self-destructive idiots in the world as my neighbors. All through my freshmen year, I was continuously baffled by the ever-increasing level of stupidity. Instead of just expressing what I thought of my dear hall mates let me cite a few examples of there shining intelligence.
I mentioned earlier that sharing the bathroom with theses guys was the pits, well let me clarify on that. It wasn’t that these guys were especially lazy and sloppy; I mean they were, but that wasn’t the problem. The issue was the made it a point to destroy the bathroom every single goddamn day. They would take the trashcan and empty it all over the floor, and then they would remove the paper towels and spread them all over the place. Sometimes they covered all the mirrors with shaving cream. Once someone even decided to take a shit in a bowl and put it next to the toilet. There is no greater feeling then walking into the bathroom one morning to find human feces in a bowl on the floor, let me tell you what.
One of my favorite memories of the boys occurred towards the end of school. One night, around 4 am, someone decided that they didn’t like the Styrofoam ceiling tiles anymore. So they took it upon themselves to do something about the situation. They were making quite a bit of noise and I decided to peer out and see what all the hub-bub was about. I discovered the group at the end of the hall. They were taking turns jumping up and punching the tiles. This looked like a pretty moronic scene, but I thought I better inquire with one of the young men, just to be sure.
“Hey, what’s up?” I shouted to one of them.
“Hey man, what’s going on?” Someone responded.
“Oh, not too much. Say, I was wondering, what are you guys doing?”
“Punching holes in the ceiling.”
“Oh, that’s what I thought.”
“Yeah man it’s awesome.”
“Yes, I can see that.”
With that I turned around and closed my door. Yet again I was amazed at their quest for stupidity. At least they were consistent.
College being what it is there was also a lot of drinking that went on that year, as it does every year. Anyway, as you might imagine those lovely idiots did plenty of it. The thing that amazed me was not the degree they consumed alcohol (Although two beer balls for 5 guys is pretty impressive) but the frequency they drank. The weekend was of course spent drunk every week by these kids, but the thing was so was several nights of the week. Tuesday was an especial popular night I remember. “Why Tuesday?” you might ask. Well, to be honest I haven’t a clue, I do know it had nothing to do with classes on Wednesday (they were going to skip those anyway). Many weeks they got drunker on the weekdays then Friday or Saturday. I guess all that not going to class was really wearing them down, or something.
Another instance, that is a particular favorite of mine is the one known as “Club Speare” Now, I wasn’t around for this occasion but I’ve heard and seen many a thing about this event and I feel pretty confidant in relating this to you. One slow Wednesday night the boys felt the need to dance I guess. They took out all of the lights in the hall and set up several strobe lights, before long Speare hall had been transformed into “Club Speare” our own personal rave party. It was intense, with the lights flashing the music pumping. Where was our RA during this time? Good question. Probably the whole reason all of this could happen on my hall was that my RA was never around. I think I saw him three or four times before he was fired in April. I have to admit I wish I could have gotten out of there in April as well.
Anyway, I guess dorm life is an experience most must endure. I certainly have learned to appreciate having my own personal toilet. I guess I have to thank The Idiots. They made freshmen year an interesting experience and were kind enough to never allow me to oversleep.