i saw bob in his undies!!! (said in a teasing voice)

[chuckers]

i'm back at home and brought some internationals with me... bob and ville are here and are heading off to TJ for a day or so... i need to drop them off at the greyhound station in hollywood tomorrow morning. *sigh* i'm SO damn tired right now. i've had a physically difficult week and haven't selpt well in weeks. for some reason i woke up like 8 times every night this week, and before that i was up in oregon with ben and didn't get a very restful sleep when i was up there... the episodes go on. so, yeah... i'm REALLY tired. beside needing a long massage and being tired, this week was great! well... and beside chris throwing a fit this week. i think after i drop bob and ville off i'm going to give chris a call... i've talked to just about everyone on the crew, and we all agree that i deal with him the best... and that something needs to change. after all, chris even said that he might not come back to the NCC after x-mas... which would make me sad. he's one of my favorite people to work with... that, and jennifer who's leaving for the peace corps in february... and after they're gone i'm going to be on an entirely new crew... or i might even be leading a crew... but still... it won't be the same without chris. and... i don't feel like his fits are something that is going to go away when he's off of the crew... he's going to continue being like that... and to be honest, i've seen it before. granted, the ones i've seen weren't this bad, but then again being on the crew just intensifies everyones personality. i went out to dinner with zach last night and we talked about it... how something needs to change, and how his moods change so quickly... and how everyone is amazed with how well i deal with it. my response to that was: well, all of the guys i've dated have been like that. they all throw fits and i always give them what they want... i was interested in chris before, but now i've realized that he's just like the rest of them... he's wonderful when he's happy and he's a bitch when he's not. i'm tired of taking care of my men... i'm tired of walking on broken glass, and i'm not going to put myself in that situation again. i'm glad that i didn't start dating chris, because now i can deal with this situation without being in the submissive girlfriend seat... i'm going to deal with this as a friend... as an equal... the way things should be. i've given him 40 hours to cool down so things should be ok-ish. *sigh* i hope i can do this. i'm SO bad at getting my point across sometimes... i guess this is one of those learning experiences for me... the kind that i knew i'd get with a job like this. what i didn't expect was that i'd have to be the only neutral party in this deal... with all of the love triangles that are going on in our group (actually, only one, really) and all of the gossip... i'm the only smart one here... the only one who goes away for the weekend... the only one who knows when things have gone too far... the only one who acts on my wanting to help others on the crew. everyone talks, but they don't talk to the key suspects... you know, i love my life in the field... but i hate my life in reno. i've highly considered breaking my lease and moving out on my own, or with seth and jennifer... but then there would be conflict... just like if i were to bring my own food on the tours... conflict. these days i know when to just suck it up and deal with the situation... *sigh* but chris' situation has gone far enough... i'm so nervous.
*sigh* zach said that he almost lost it when chris was yelling at me on the way home... i was driving and chris was riding shotgun. zach was sitting in back of chris. apparently, chris was being mean to be, or so zach said, to the point where zach wanted to punch chris. *sigh* all this lashing out at people... what is going on? no one wanted to ride in the suburban (seating 9) because chris was in it... insead our F250 (seating 6) was filled up to the brim. he makes everyone (icluding himself) so misserable... except me, apparently. i think he's wonderful when he wants to be...
oh, fuck. i'm so damn tired... i'm just dwelling on the same subject. go to bed you!