rushed entries
Testosterone-y. That has been my constant death-becomes-her secret. I unconsciously spray male hormones when people least expect it (that was a metaphor). Take the way my dance coach reprimands me. ‘YOU NEVER LEAD, you’re a girl. Men lead, girls follow. If you don’t believe it, at least in salsa you should. Loosen your arms like you loosen your hips’. (Gusto ko sana sabihin, e bakit mas mukha kang girl sa ‘kin?!) I have a huge problem following and that’s why I never get when my partner is telling me to do a triple turn or a single. So I usually end up in an awkward mid turn usually with a harsh muttering of ‘what do you want from me now?’ under my breath. A friend of mine put it very nicely, ‘sabi sayo mag dalawang pills ka everyday para magka-estrogen surge ka. Pag di naman pati butas ng ilong mo gumigiling sa salsa.’
My last post was about the fact that I went shopping. What is the big deal with it, one might say? To me, it is a breakthrough. I ended up buying something like eight items (tops mostly) during my effort to entertain myself last Saturday. And what’s more amazing is that I can remember the make and color of each. It has been a long time since I treated myself to a decent mini spree. It has been like - 10 years maybe. The last time was with my mother on my ass convincing me to buy a mini skirt. Shopping was never relaxing for me, but that day it surprisingly was. So I thought, smugly, ‘I think I’m ready to get rid of my penis now’. =) It was a move forward.
So to challenge my hormones I went to have a haircut yesterday and for the first time in my life I told the hairstylist to cut it short. Just that, no further explanation, I let go. I wanted to look like soldier and thought that I did. I thought that this kind of cut would reinforce my androgyny, unwelcome as it seems sometimes. Surprisingly everyone who has seen me today has told me that I look more feminine now.
There’s no moving back, I’m goin’ down the girl track.
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I’ve been killing myself with the budget for a month now, one time, one colleague took me by the arm, looked me in the eye and mouthed the word… ‘breathe’.
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Weekends: Austria and Legoland:
extreme retardation
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September 14-17 - Hungary, Sell my brainchild to the country logistics manager, if he says no, I’m wasting half a year worth of work. I’m staying with a friend of mine over the weekend to see a bit of Hungary and its baths.
September 18-29 - Brussels. MCE, training.
October 7-9 - Krakow, finally.
October 13-16 - Warsaw, Eliza’s wedding.
October 20-23 - Operation, they’re taking out the metal inside of my left forearm which I broke rollerblading last summer.
November 5-10 - Cranfield University, UK. Training
November - Lisbon/US (if my visa gets approved)
December - Manila =)
My last post was about the fact that I went shopping. What is the big deal with it, one might say? To me, it is a breakthrough. I ended up buying something like eight items (tops mostly) during my effort to entertain myself last Saturday. And what’s more amazing is that I can remember the make and color of each. It has been a long time since I treated myself to a decent mini spree. It has been like - 10 years maybe. The last time was with my mother on my ass convincing me to buy a mini skirt. Shopping was never relaxing for me, but that day it surprisingly was. So I thought, smugly, ‘I think I’m ready to get rid of my penis now’. =) It was a move forward.
So to challenge my hormones I went to have a haircut yesterday and for the first time in my life I told the hairstylist to cut it short. Just that, no further explanation, I let go. I wanted to look like soldier and thought that I did. I thought that this kind of cut would reinforce my androgyny, unwelcome as it seems sometimes. Surprisingly everyone who has seen me today has told me that I look more feminine now.
There’s no moving back, I’m goin’ down the girl track.
----------
I’ve been killing myself with the budget for a month now, one time, one colleague took me by the arm, looked me in the eye and mouthed the word… ‘breathe’.
----------
Weekends: Austria and Legoland:
extreme retardation
----------
September 14-17 - Hungary, Sell my brainchild to the country logistics manager, if he says no, I’m wasting half a year worth of work. I’m staying with a friend of mine over the weekend to see a bit of Hungary and its baths.
September 18-29 - Brussels. MCE, training.
October 7-9 - Krakow, finally.
October 13-16 - Warsaw, Eliza’s wedding.
October 20-23 - Operation, they’re taking out the metal inside of my left forearm which I broke rollerblading last summer.
November 5-10 - Cranfield University, UK. Training
November - Lisbon/US (if my visa gets approved)
December - Manila =)