the sickening guilt
Well, here's my document of food today.
12:07pm - 1 glass of water
2:15pm - 1/2 glass of water
5:55pm - 1 glass of water
7:37pm - two slices of peppehrohni pizzah
YUCK. I hate pizza...I didn't want to eat it, but I knew if I didn't eat it
a) I'd be yelled at
b) there will be nothing else for me to eat
Everything that I like to eat, my sister has claimed as hers. I'm not allowed to eat mushrooms. I'm not allowed to eat 90% of the soup in the cupboard. If I touch what very very few vegetables we have, if we have any, I will be screamed at.
Each day I get another stretch mark around my belly button. I NEVER had stretch marks there. I feel like crying...and now I am. I'm so repulsed. I'm so sick and my body is dying...I can't do anything when I'm cooped up in the house. I can't walk anywhere I cant do anything, I'm just getting fatter and fatter because the only places I'm allowed to be is at home or the doctor's office.
I'm so disgusted. I hate this. I'M SICK OF BEING SICK, BEING SICK IS KILLING ME AND MAKING ME FATTER AND FATTER AND ROTTING AWAY MY BODY AND MY MENTALITY. I'M TIRED OF BEING AROUND THIS FAST FOOD DRIVEN FAMILY. Everyone ONLY cares about themselves. EVER. And we're lucky if someone thinks about the family as a whole and makes a box of macaroni. If we have macaroni. I want to cry. I want to stop crying. I don't want to be yelled at because I'm crying and am so distraught about how I feel inside.
I need some HELP. I have to have help so I can help myself. I don't want anyone to save me, I want to save myself..I just need someone to show me the way. I don't want any more stretch marks. Please...I'm so alone....with the last box of macaroni as my only companion.
12:07pm - 1 glass of water
2:15pm - 1/2 glass of water
5:55pm - 1 glass of water
7:37pm - two slices of peppehrohni pizzah
YUCK. I hate pizza...I didn't want to eat it, but I knew if I didn't eat it
a) I'd be yelled at
b) there will be nothing else for me to eat
Everything that I like to eat, my sister has claimed as hers. I'm not allowed to eat mushrooms. I'm not allowed to eat 90% of the soup in the cupboard. If I touch what very very few vegetables we have, if we have any, I will be screamed at.
Each day I get another stretch mark around my belly button. I NEVER had stretch marks there. I feel like crying...and now I am. I'm so repulsed. I'm so sick and my body is dying...I can't do anything when I'm cooped up in the house. I can't walk anywhere I cant do anything, I'm just getting fatter and fatter because the only places I'm allowed to be is at home or the doctor's office.
I'm so disgusted. I hate this. I'M SICK OF BEING SICK, BEING SICK IS KILLING ME AND MAKING ME FATTER AND FATTER AND ROTTING AWAY MY BODY AND MY MENTALITY. I'M TIRED OF BEING AROUND THIS FAST FOOD DRIVEN FAMILY. Everyone ONLY cares about themselves. EVER. And we're lucky if someone thinks about the family as a whole and makes a box of macaroni. If we have macaroni. I want to cry. I want to stop crying. I don't want to be yelled at because I'm crying and am so distraught about how I feel inside.
I need some HELP. I have to have help so I can help myself. I don't want anyone to save me, I want to save myself..I just need someone to show me the way. I don't want any more stretch marks. Please...I'm so alone....with the last box of macaroni as my only companion.