Venting Out
Phew... I'm worn out. It was my second day of summer school today and I already got two quizzes tomorrow. I'm so happy... NOT! It's allright, I can deal. Anyway, I'm just taking a small break from studying... well really I havent fully studied yet cuz I have so much on my mind. Actually I just got off the phone with one of my bestest friend. Somehow, when i'm in the deepest shithole, when I'm feeling so down, my best friends always seem to come to the rescue. They call at the best times. Almost like they can feel that something is wrong or something is not right with me... funny thing is that they are both 2 hours by distance from me. Ya know, distance never messes up true friednships. I know that cuz I have my strongest friendships with people who I don't get to see everyday or talk to all the time. It's awesome how it all works out. I'm truely grateful. I got to get a lot off my chest tonight, stuff I been keeping deep down because I'm scared to deal with it right now. Well, it's probably because I need to concentrate on school more than anything and that's why I'm putting a lot to the side but right now I can't take it anymore unless I get it all out. Ya feel me?! The most important thing I got from my talks with my best friends tonight was to give it to God. Give my problems to God, rather than keeping it from him. I can't deal with it all by myself, He is here to take it and help me through it. Granted eventually I can fix my problems but why not give it to God? Why not surrender? Why take the easy way out all the time? I don't want to always run away from everything. It's not who I am or who I should be. Maybe it is time... maybe I need to stop running. My legs are hurting, my heart is hurting... I can just stop at any moment and give it to God and he'll carry me the rest of the way. Why not do that?! Sometimes I get to hardheaded and I dont follow my true beliefs and feelings. Ya gotta hate when that happens right?! It only takes one step, one breath and I can be taken out of my shithole that I am in.
God, I know I havent been much of anything lately. I'm been running away or taking the easy way out. God, please help me find the right path. I can't do this by myself anymore... I don't want to do this by myself anymore... I dont' want to feel the way I do. I want to be happy. God, don't let me lose faith now. Give me a sign... a push in the right direction. It doesn't have to be tomorrow, or the next, when the time is right; give me a sign and this time I won't turn my back from it. I know it's going to take me awhile to get out of the shithole (excuse my French!) that I'm in but a friend told me to start somewhere and I'm starting right now. God, bless the people who care about me and who help me get through my days. Carly told me that you have a plan for my life and whatever it is, I will be awesome in it because I am a good person and I always keep my head up. I totally believe her and I believe that You do have a plan for me and for everyone. What the plan is, well I'm waiting to see what You have in store for my life. I'm scared and I'm anxious of what it will be. Well we both know that I haven't prayed in awhile. I'm starting somewhere... I'm starting right now. God, guide me and keep me safe through my days.
WOW, that was awesome to get off my chest!!! I needed it. Well it's getting pretty late in the night and I still need to shower and study some more Latin. Thanks for listening. Good night world. I'll be back tomorrow or soon. Later.
God, I know I havent been much of anything lately. I'm been running away or taking the easy way out. God, please help me find the right path. I can't do this by myself anymore... I don't want to do this by myself anymore... I dont' want to feel the way I do. I want to be happy. God, don't let me lose faith now. Give me a sign... a push in the right direction. It doesn't have to be tomorrow, or the next, when the time is right; give me a sign and this time I won't turn my back from it. I know it's going to take me awhile to get out of the shithole (excuse my French!) that I'm in but a friend told me to start somewhere and I'm starting right now. God, bless the people who care about me and who help me get through my days. Carly told me that you have a plan for my life and whatever it is, I will be awesome in it because I am a good person and I always keep my head up. I totally believe her and I believe that You do have a plan for me and for everyone. What the plan is, well I'm waiting to see what You have in store for my life. I'm scared and I'm anxious of what it will be. Well we both know that I haven't prayed in awhile. I'm starting somewhere... I'm starting right now. God, guide me and keep me safe through my days.
WOW, that was awesome to get off my chest!!! I needed it. Well it's getting pretty late in the night and I still need to shower and study some more Latin. Thanks for listening. Good night world. I'll be back tomorrow or soon. Later.