what's HOT and what NOT!
This is the Holy Grail of hotness from the Legacy.
1. HOT: Heat (Let's all say it together. "It's not the heat...")
NOT: Humidity (Admit it, it feels good the first few weeks, like breathing in a plastic bag.)
2. HOT: Non-prescription glasses (Part of the nerd trend, non-prescription glasses make you look smart, even if you're not and it turns on the population with a glasses fetish, who usually are smart.)
NOT: Flip-up sunglasses (Usually reserved for Arsenio Hall and Major League Baseball players. Don't try this at home unless you want to get asked about "juice".)
3. HOT: Calculator watches (Perfect for the ironic hipster who wants to match that "Saved by the Bell" t-shirt)
NOT: Calculator watch tans (If you're going to wear it in the summer, when school's out, then your just a moron.)
4. HOT: Mom tattoo (Love is cool again. Real guys love their moms, and they're not afraid to put it on their arm.)
NOT: Barbed wire tattoo (If you've got to put barbed wire on your arm to look tough, you need a new look.)
5. HOT: National Guard (A great way to fight terrorism without having to go to Iraq.)
NOT: Security Guard (A terrible way to fight crime by trying to arrest the skateboarders in your parking lot.)
6. HOT: Nerds (I hear they're making "Revenge of the Nerds Part VI" because so many people watch party 1-5 on Comedy Central.)
NOT: Hipsters (In "Revenge of the Nerds Part VI," hipsters are the new jocks.)
7. HOT: Untucked (Casual is in. If you're a student, you don't want to wear more than a t-shrt from now until October, and no one should have to tuck in a t-shirt.)
NOT: Front Tuck ("Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" will tell you to show off that belt. Screw belts. Unless, of course, you have a Miller High Life belt buckle.)
8. HOT: Doggystyle (Not many people agree with me on this one. They say any sex is good, and certainly grant them that point. But who said I was talking about sex? I was talking about my dog Snoop!)
NOT: Missionary position ( Who said I was talking about sex?)
9. HOT: Bicycle built for two (Couples who ride the bicycle built for two are so damn cute I want to punch them. More power to you.)
NOT: Burrito built for two ("Hi, I'd like the Super Xtra Large Meat Burrito with everything on it. Two sporks." Nuff said.)
10. HOT: Baby Photos (They're cute, unself-conscious, and they make people laugh.)
NOT: Glamour Shots (They're ugly, self-conscious and they make people groan.)
11. HOT: Legacy (Like I said, we call them as we see them.)
NOT: Time (Does anybody read this magazine anymore?)
12. HOT: Vomit (If you puke in public, people will laugh.)
NOT: Diarrhea (If you diarrhea in public, the cops will arrest you.)
13. HOT: Gobstoppers (But only the chewy kind. And it's fun to say. Gob...stop...pers...)
NOT: Whoppers (Not the Burger King kind. Malted milk balls? What are malted milk balls, anyway?)
14. HOT: Golfng Hats (The trucker hats of the future. Get in and get out.)
NOT: Trucker Hats (So out-of-style no truck stops from here to Houma will even sell them. Trust us.)
15. HOT: Toe rings (An understated way to assert your individuality, like everyone who shops at Old Navy.)
NOT: Toe cheese (Change socks at least once a day to avoid this common Louisiana phenomenon. Or you could wear sandals. W.W.J.D.?)