........Life After The Break Up...
Soo It has been 24 hours since the tragic
termination of "Chrandon" happened =/
I find myself doing much better than i thought i would be
but to be honest i dont wanna feel better... I never thought
i would get soo attached to someone soo fast..
But i wonder why anything wasn't said before last night
....it feels a bit unfair.. i feel like i tried soo hard to keep us together
.....i always hid my emotions and problems we had to try to avoid
conflct... it didn't work out soo well... I guess part of me feels like
a huge failure... but then im glad i did it cause now i dont have to
worry as much... I think he's going to be moving on to things
he's going to be even more busier with anyways...
I remember telling Erin...
Im going into this situation with a boyfriend... I just hope
that i come out of it with a significant other who understands
things better now......
Guess i didnt get my way...=/
theres so many minor things that were said yesterday that
i wish i could have given better responses to. but he'll probably
never know about them because...
When my last ex boyfriend broke up with me... we promised we
wud stay friends...the day after we broke up it was just
Hi and byes for a few days...
and i kinda knew it was going to happpen...
but Yupp Brandon didn't text or anything like that...
I guess he's just gonna end up being like my last ex boyfriend
i hope not tho.. cause he was just.. a not soo good person in general
but i really do love brandon...I hope we dont end up with an ended
friendship =/, but because we didnt talk today i dont even know
what to think =;[
i guess what sucks is that i feel like i put in soo much effort
into our relationship..and i wasnt feeling the same
coming from him...
theres soo many unanswered questions i have
but will most likley be left unanswered...
Theres a reason why i put his birthstone on my class ring
a reason why i changed my ringback tone to a song he suggested
Theres a reason why i sent him the package of stuff he received from me
and a reason why i asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend.........
all because of the simple fact that I fell in love with him.
He made me happy... i was a happy person
and i clearly remember the day i said
"If we were to get into a relationship i would
want to be the one getting hurt not you"
his response was: "no! I wont allow that!
......well he allowed it =/
i know i shud realize that this wasnt meant to be
but i dont want to... all relationships have problems
i hope that maybe one day we can be together again
and i am soo willing to do whatever it takes...
...As said in Hercules:
"People do crazy things, when they're in love"
im still in love...soo categorize me as crazy or crazier
idc...
all i know is that i love that boy and I want him back..
Dear Brandon...
If you ever some how were to read this...
Im glad u did
these are my feelings for the moment
the day after our break up...
I still think that their was soo many things
that we could have done better =/
Im sorry i couldnt satisfy your
physical attention needs and what not
....I just hope u know that, i dont think
that we were just 2 ppl who werent
gonna go anywhere...I thnk that we
are two people who would have eventually
gone on to be even more serious than what
it was... I would have gone to wayne state with
yoou =[
U told me not change for yoou....
But ily brandon... i hate not having you say ily anymore
or calling u my middle eastern boy...and we'll always be "2-2"
unless one day...you ciould be able to call again...but anyways
I just wonder why did u want to be with me if you knew u were
going to be in a long distance relationship?
Why did u lead me on and accept to be my boyfriend
....As i wrote in my SAT essay... People always think for the moment
not for the future... so why didn't you? =/
I had looked forward to doing soo many things in the future
with yoou... i guess we werent on the same level though
If only you could understand how much i feel like we have to be together
cause like i said before... Neither one of us was suppose to be one isketch
that night... And in the amount of time that we were together
i felt more love for you than i did in a 3months worth of a relationship with my
last ex bf...
Brandon... I hope today was just a "blaah" day and i'll assume u didnt mean to
NOT text me etc... but please dont turn into Adam.. I really don't like him and
when i think of him soo many bad memories come back =/. I dont want you to
fall under the same category as him or end up the same way that me and Adam
ended... Dont associate yourself with that category...
I hope u know how BADLY i wish we didn't live so far
apart from eachother.. i know things would be a whole lot
easier..........and when i said last night
that whoever u end up with in the future...
i really do hope they know how lucky they are
...i just hope youll be happier with them of course
and i mean all that i say... I will be soo jealous of them
But anyways... this is how i feel
if you ever read this..
I want you to know that... if the timing is right
and if you wanted to..
you can come back to me and we can
pick up where we left off...
If that never happens then i feel
stupid for writing all of this....
.............Christian
P.s: I loved you enough that i walked to the Verizon store because my parents
wouldnt drive me,
to get a new phone.. and while walking i told myself
"Omg i cant believe i care about this guy enough that
I'm walking half the town to get a phone just soo i can talk to him"
then i wiped the few tears that i had running down my face...
And if it wasnt for you i wouldnt have gotten a microphone for my
computer, just so i could talk to you thru MSN
.....and i loved you enough to do everything inside of me
to not make us argue to prevent a break up..
guess it wasnt worth it... but I hope it somewhat
proves to you how much i love you