Idle questions lead to emos
I figured he had all sorts of loves before, or if not loves exactly then pleasant dalliances and attachments and whatnot. The way Ash talked, it sounded like Alevh went through girlfriends when he was in the city and I imagine before that he had noble ladies he was seeing.
Doesn't bug me. I don't spend much time thinking about it, and when I do it's more to wonder if there's things they did that made him happy that I could do too. Maybe it's silly because
well, it's not as if he's the same elf he was then, is he?
Anyhow since it was topical I asked what the most romantic dinner was that he had back then in the old days. Figured it'd be something, I don't know, expensive and lit by Sunwell-glow. And maybe he did have those nights, but when I asked he just got a little look on his face.
"I don't really remember," he said.
He offered to think back on it and try to recall -- no, no, Keenblaze, it's not unpleasant but he just doesn't remember. And I haven't got any reason to think he's lying to me; it's not a subject I think I've shown any sensitivity to, his past lovers.
It's true he doesn't like to talk about the past in general, but it's a different kind of denial. His time in the guard? Oh no, it was very boring, little Keenblaze surely wouldn't be interested in that but would he like another cookie? There wasn't any of the anxious levity and attempts to distract me, I don't think.
So this is something else. For whatever reason, he doesn't remember. It could be he didn't have many romantic dinners -- perhaps he courted and was courted in different ways. Or he did, but they weren't very memorable; lacking the emotional impact they might for a typical elf, there isn't that spark there to make them stand out in decades of other evenings.
Or they were pleasurable enough during but just didn't get really recorded as such.
I suppose the whys don't matter. Except they do. They do because
well, lots of people will tell you that since nothing lasts etc etc what you ought to do is create good memories since you get to enjoy those long after the thing's done. Maybe they'd also think that without the memory of the pleasant whatever-it-was, the event itself was pointless. But I don't think so.
If I had the choice between remembering having eaten a really good ice cream but never having actually eaten it at all -- or eating a really good icecream but not getting to remember it after -- I don't know which I'd choose. But
but well this isn't some choice I'm being given. It's a puzzle to solve and then I can use my knowledge to maximize happiness. After all, the sorts of things one does "for the memories" aren't the same as the things one does for the joy of it in the present.
Of course, he tells me well enough what he enjoys while it's going on. Not always in words, though I listen to those when they are gifted to me. His ears, his eyes, how he holds his shoulders -- I enjoy watching his pleasure, maybe more than he enjoys feeling it. I don't know.
Anyhow, I started asking him what sorts of things he might have done back then. Only I wasn't asking so much as drawing because that's easier. Quiet candlelit dinners to a niche in a posh place with music. Naked picnics in pleasure-gardens. Naked picnics in pleasure-gardens where everything is eaten off of one's partner.
Finally I got to the truly ridiculous -- being wined and dined by a lady ranger-general as sprite darters flit around. Floating over the Sunwell, waited on by the prince and dragons.
"If I'd have done that," he said finally, "I think I would remember."
Would he like to do it? I could arrange it, honest I could. Or I could make a scale model of Quel'danas (it might be fun!) and we could have sandwiches.
He allowed as that might be fun but it would be an awful lot of work for sandwiches. So he suggested placemats.
That I can do and gladly. But not just of the Sunwell. I mean I've seen a lot of Azeroth and what's left of Draenor, and much of it is very pretty. I can do a bunch of them, the loveliest places I've seen, and laminate them, and then he we can eat wherever we wish every night.
I think I'll make some of unu'pe, even if it's not the most attractive part of Northrend. Jiel won't mind.
Doesn't bug me. I don't spend much time thinking about it, and when I do it's more to wonder if there's things they did that made him happy that I could do too. Maybe it's silly because
well, it's not as if he's the same elf he was then, is he?
Anyhow since it was topical I asked what the most romantic dinner was that he had back then in the old days. Figured it'd be something, I don't know, expensive and lit by Sunwell-glow. And maybe he did have those nights, but when I asked he just got a little look on his face.
"I don't really remember," he said.
He offered to think back on it and try to recall -- no, no, Keenblaze, it's not unpleasant but he just doesn't remember. And I haven't got any reason to think he's lying to me; it's not a subject I think I've shown any sensitivity to, his past lovers.
It's true he doesn't like to talk about the past in general, but it's a different kind of denial. His time in the guard? Oh no, it was very boring, little Keenblaze surely wouldn't be interested in that but would he like another cookie? There wasn't any of the anxious levity and attempts to distract me, I don't think.
So this is something else. For whatever reason, he doesn't remember. It could be he didn't have many romantic dinners -- perhaps he courted and was courted in different ways. Or he did, but they weren't very memorable; lacking the emotional impact they might for a typical elf, there isn't that spark there to make them stand out in decades of other evenings.
Or they were pleasurable enough during but just didn't get really recorded as such.
I suppose the whys don't matter. Except they do. They do because
well, lots of people will tell you that since nothing lasts etc etc what you ought to do is create good memories since you get to enjoy those long after the thing's done. Maybe they'd also think that without the memory of the pleasant whatever-it-was, the event itself was pointless. But I don't think so.
If I had the choice between remembering having eaten a really good ice cream but never having actually eaten it at all -- or eating a really good icecream but not getting to remember it after -- I don't know which I'd choose. But
but well this isn't some choice I'm being given. It's a puzzle to solve and then I can use my knowledge to maximize happiness. After all, the sorts of things one does "for the memories" aren't the same as the things one does for the joy of it in the present.
Of course, he tells me well enough what he enjoys while it's going on. Not always in words, though I listen to those when they are gifted to me. His ears, his eyes, how he holds his shoulders -- I enjoy watching his pleasure, maybe more than he enjoys feeling it. I don't know.
Anyhow, I started asking him what sorts of things he might have done back then. Only I wasn't asking so much as drawing because that's easier. Quiet candlelit dinners to a niche in a posh place with music. Naked picnics in pleasure-gardens. Naked picnics in pleasure-gardens where everything is eaten off of one's partner.
Finally I got to the truly ridiculous -- being wined and dined by a lady ranger-general as sprite darters flit around. Floating over the Sunwell, waited on by the prince and dragons.
"If I'd have done that," he said finally, "I think I would remember."
Would he like to do it? I could arrange it, honest I could. Or I could make a scale model of Quel'danas (it might be fun!) and we could have sandwiches.
He allowed as that might be fun but it would be an awful lot of work for sandwiches. So he suggested placemats.
That I can do and gladly. But not just of the Sunwell. I mean I've seen a lot of Azeroth and what's left of Draenor, and much of it is very pretty. I can do a bunch of them, the loveliest places I've seen, and laminate them, and then he we can eat wherever we wish every night.
I think I'll make some of unu'pe, even if it's not the most attractive part of Northrend. Jiel won't mind.