(no subject)
So much that I want to say, and I guess today I will. Except that I don't know where to start. Fuck. I hate when that happens.
Okay, so I had this best friend- Sagan [and it's kind of weird because I know she'll probably be reading this, but whatever]- from 4th grade on until before sophomore year. We were definitely really close. But I'm the sort of person who just starts looking for other things to do because I get bored with routine after awhile. So I started hanging out with a guy [whom I would later become entangled in a whole mess of shit that no one should ever have to because I am just a shitty excuse for a human being and he was an even worse one] and his friends. So, of course, Sagan and I just pretty much fell apart.
She's a very ambitious, goal-oriented, bright girl. Not to say I am stupid, because I'm not, but I'm sure anyone who reads this knows I'm not a very motivated person. And it was always like that between us-- she was the one who was going somewhere in life and I was just sort of living day-by-day. And that was okay at the age of 12 or even 15. But not at 17-almost-18. Not to me at least, who thinks that being 18 means being an adult. And I know that we're probably both so different from the people we were before. I know I definitely am. I'm not funny or hyper or even very sarcastic most times. I've become this... detached, white-lying bitch who is... probably somewhat motivated towards getting laid "sometime in the near future."
I don't even know. I miss all the old times and everything. But I don't really know how to bring it all back. Or if it could be.
Yeah. I've got to get going...
Okay, so I had this best friend- Sagan [and it's kind of weird because I know she'll probably be reading this, but whatever]- from 4th grade on until before sophomore year. We were definitely really close. But I'm the sort of person who just starts looking for other things to do because I get bored with routine after awhile. So I started hanging out with a guy [whom I would later become entangled in a whole mess of shit that no one should ever have to because I am just a shitty excuse for a human being and he was an even worse one] and his friends. So, of course, Sagan and I just pretty much fell apart.
She's a very ambitious, goal-oriented, bright girl. Not to say I am stupid, because I'm not, but I'm sure anyone who reads this knows I'm not a very motivated person. And it was always like that between us-- she was the one who was going somewhere in life and I was just sort of living day-by-day. And that was okay at the age of 12 or even 15. But not at 17-almost-18. Not to me at least, who thinks that being 18 means being an adult. And I know that we're probably both so different from the people we were before. I know I definitely am. I'm not funny or hyper or even very sarcastic most times. I've become this... detached, white-lying bitch who is... probably somewhat motivated towards getting laid "sometime in the near future."
I don't even know. I miss all the old times and everything. But I don't really know how to bring it all back. Or if it could be.
Yeah. I've got to get going...