Of Beautiful Boys and Misguided Anger
So at least half the people I know are graduating. I did see Andy today. He smiled at me and wrinkled his nose a few times. If that is the last memory I ever have of him, I think I can live. I met Anthony-a guy who has fascinated me for awhile, mostly because he reminds me in a very slight way of Andy-today. And, get this, they were sitting together. Andy is far more beautiful, of course, and maybe it’s better that he and I never really talked after last year-it immortalizes him to me as a perfect, beautiful masterpiece of which many inspirations arose, but few words to express them. I’m going to miss him, though. Just seeing him, as torturous as it was at times.
I have been angry lately. Depression that comes out as anger, more or less. I hate everything. I’ve been angry with my mother, mostly. She is trying to come up with reasons as to why she doesn’t like my friendship [I guess that’s what you call it] with Josh. I know why, but I don’t think she wants to say it. It all comes down to sex, basically. He’s still innocent and she doesn’t want me corrupting him. Thanks for thinking you know me, Mom. She doesn’t know anything about him or the relationship and sometimes I don’t think she knows anything about me. I would never do anything to hurt him or do anything he didn’t want to do. Geezus, when it comes down to Nikki and sex, it’s more likely she will do something SHE doesn’t want to do. ::sighs:: So I was angry about that yesterday. Mom still doesn’t know why I was angry with her, but I just told her multiple times, “I’m angry with you.” I don’t think I should even dignify her with a reason, really. I just hate the way she doesn’t know anything about things and she still inserts her fucking two cents.
Increase the fucking peace.
But you don’t work here anymore
It’s just a vacant three-by-four
And they might fill your place
A temporary stand-in for your face
This happens all the time
And I can’t help but think I’ll
Die alone…-- My Chemical Romance, Cubicles
I have been angry lately. Depression that comes out as anger, more or less. I hate everything. I’ve been angry with my mother, mostly. She is trying to come up with reasons as to why she doesn’t like my friendship [I guess that’s what you call it] with Josh. I know why, but I don’t think she wants to say it. It all comes down to sex, basically. He’s still innocent and she doesn’t want me corrupting him. Thanks for thinking you know me, Mom. She doesn’t know anything about him or the relationship and sometimes I don’t think she knows anything about me. I would never do anything to hurt him or do anything he didn’t want to do. Geezus, when it comes down to Nikki and sex, it’s more likely she will do something SHE doesn’t want to do. ::sighs:: So I was angry about that yesterday. Mom still doesn’t know why I was angry with her, but I just told her multiple times, “I’m angry with you.” I don’t think I should even dignify her with a reason, really. I just hate the way she doesn’t know anything about things and she still inserts her fucking two cents.
Increase the fucking peace.
But you don’t work here anymore
It’s just a vacant three-by-four
And they might fill your place
A temporary stand-in for your face
This happens all the time
And I can’t help but think I’ll
Die alone…-- My Chemical Romance, Cubicles