And If You Say This Makes You Happy Then I'm Not The Only One Lying...
So for some reason Josh popped into my mind. Not the Josh I usually talk about, but THE Josh. That was when things were constant and the word “love” was synonymous with “manic-depression,” but mostly the mania part. I can’t believe he’s been married almost a year with a kid a few months younger than their marriage. Last time we talked was August and Ethan was due the 21st. But he just talked about how he still loved me and thought about me multiple times during the day. And I had to be the adult, explaining to him how his choices have their consequences and the moral issue behind even seeing me once even if we didn’t have sex. I talked to his brother-in-law a few times-it was strange because I guess some girl IM’d Josh and she said something he didn’t like. The kid’s fourteen, but he’s pretty protective of his sister. I hear from Ryan [Josh’s best friend before they drifted apart] that she’s a cow. He knew how to pick them-Ryan always said his standards were too low, Josh always said Ryan’s were too high. They were funny, in a way. Ryan and I still talk now and then. He’s the one who told me Josh got married. That shocked a lot of us. It came out because I was lonely or complaining about not getting laid or something and he said Josh would probably still be willing and asked if I’d talked to him lately. I said I hadn’t and he hadn’t either, but that last he heard he knocked up a girl and he was marrying her. That was like WHOAH. Yeah. I know I’m jumping around, but it’s just so weird. Like he made me promise him if I wasn’t seeing anyone when I was eighteen I’d at least consider dating him. It’s just strange how things turn out so differently. Whatever.
I feel so empty again. I was thinking about that during Biology II today. I guess I haven’t stopped feeling empty since I gave up on Josh-Boy when Ben and I started talking about getting together. Yeah, I get happy now and then, but it’s so flimsy. Maybe I just ruin everything-be it a good thing or a bad one. I know you all probably think Josh is a bad thing. I don’t put much thought to it, either way.
Fuck it. I’m not going to talk anymore today.
Increase the peace.
Drink down that gin and kerosene
And come spit on bridges with me
Just to keep us warm
Light a match to leave me be
Light a match to leave
Me be
I keep my jealousy close, ‘cause
It’s all mine
And if you say this makes you happy
Then I’m not the only one
Lying
Keep quiet
Nothing comes as easy as you
Can I lay in your bed all day
I’ll be your best kept secret
And your biggest mistake
The hand behind this pen relieves a failure everyday
[x2]
And I keep my jealousy close, ‘cause
It’s all mine
And if you say this makes you happy
Then I’m not the only one
Lying
Drink down that gin and kerosene
And come spit on bridges with me
Just to keep us warm
Light a match to leave me be
Light a match to leave
Me
Keep quiet
Nothing comes as easy as you
Can I lay in your bed all day
I’ll be your best kept secret
And your biggest mistake
The hand behind this pen relieves a failure everyday
[x2]
So wear me like a locket around your throat
I’ll weigh you down, I’ll watch you choke
You look so good in blue, you look so good in blue
[x2 and then overlap 3rd with “Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy you, can I lay in your bed all day” and together for “you look so good in blue, you look so good in blue.”]
Keep quiet
Nothing comes as easy as you
Can I lay in your bed all day
I’ll be your best kept secret
And your biggest mistake
The hand behind this pen relieves a failure everyday
[repeat a few times]
I feel so empty again. I was thinking about that during Biology II today. I guess I haven’t stopped feeling empty since I gave up on Josh-Boy when Ben and I started talking about getting together. Yeah, I get happy now and then, but it’s so flimsy. Maybe I just ruin everything-be it a good thing or a bad one. I know you all probably think Josh is a bad thing. I don’t put much thought to it, either way.
Fuck it. I’m not going to talk anymore today.
Increase the peace.
Drink down that gin and kerosene
And come spit on bridges with me
Just to keep us warm
Light a match to leave me be
Light a match to leave
Me be
I keep my jealousy close, ‘cause
It’s all mine
And if you say this makes you happy
Then I’m not the only one
Lying
Keep quiet
Nothing comes as easy as you
Can I lay in your bed all day
I’ll be your best kept secret
And your biggest mistake
The hand behind this pen relieves a failure everyday
[x2]
And I keep my jealousy close, ‘cause
It’s all mine
And if you say this makes you happy
Then I’m not the only one
Lying
Drink down that gin and kerosene
And come spit on bridges with me
Just to keep us warm
Light a match to leave me be
Light a match to leave
Me
Keep quiet
Nothing comes as easy as you
Can I lay in your bed all day
I’ll be your best kept secret
And your biggest mistake
The hand behind this pen relieves a failure everyday
[x2]
So wear me like a locket around your throat
I’ll weigh you down, I’ll watch you choke
You look so good in blue, you look so good in blue
[x2 and then overlap 3rd with “Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy you, can I lay in your bed all day” and together for “you look so good in blue, you look so good in blue.”]
Keep quiet
Nothing comes as easy as you
Can I lay in your bed all day
I’ll be your best kept secret
And your biggest mistake
The hand behind this pen relieves a failure everyday
[repeat a few times]