(no subject)
Whoa, It's has been a while since i updated in my journal. I'll tell you what has been going on in my life. im starting my 4th year at Vernon College and im finally going to graduate after this fall semster is over. Thank god, i've been thinking about what i want to do with my life after i gradaute from Vernon College, like should i go get a job while im taking a break or having a job and going to school at the same time? ugh, it's just so damn confusing and really stressful. I really want to go major in kinesology for bachelor degree. i've been having chest pains lately i dont know if it is from smoking or stress, ugh. hmmm well my relationship status: i don't have a girlfriend like always and my dating life is pretty much nonexistence. Hell, i dont even remember when was the last time i even went out on a real date. But, there's this one girl that i really like and care about a lot. it seems like we have a lot of chemistry between us, there is one problem and that is she doesnt live in the same state as i do and that has been really hard for me. Until last week, when i told her that i want to have fun and hang out with people and it upset her when i said that and i never meant to hurt her. Im not that kind of person that would hurt people on purpose. I said that becuase i was really scared and confused becuase i never had a serious relationship in my entire life and i would never expect my first relationship to be a long distance relationship. I also have gone through some hard times in my life in the past and i always let my past haunt me and i have been thinking about my life a lot during this week and i have decided to not be so negative about my life anymore. i need to start being positive and think more positively. Last night, i finally got to talk to her and it started off pretty rough but it got better when we started to talk and work some things out more. I dont want to lose her, even as a friend. I told her that i would give her more space of her own and let her figure some things out on her own. I havent been given a lot of chance by girls in the past and i feel like i fucked up my chance with her and i feel like that it is my fault. I have a positive old saying that is in my mind and that is "if you really care about something, let it go. If it is meant to be, it'll come back to you." I admit that i always have been weak in a lot of times in my life but this time, i'm going to be strong and do my own things this weekend to get my mind off stress and the bad week i had. Well i'm probably planning on to go relax a lot, hanging out with friends and probably playing some pool. That's all i have to say for now. Have a great night, everybody. by the way, i want to say thanks to some of my friends that helped me through with my situation. thanks.