(no subject)
I dont know why I bitch here all the time. Its not like anyone ever really reads these things, and even if they did, they dont really care. Do you know what it feels like to have broken your own heart? Do you even know what I mean? Im so dissappointed in myself I can barely hold up my own head... and between Garen's expectations and Bill's rejections its like why? Im back into a state of wanting to cry all the time. I feel so god damn lonely and so utterly unattractive, lazy, good for nothing. I feel that way because its all true. I AM alone, I am over weight and thats just part of the attractive-ness problem. While the living room is clean and things that HAVE to get done do get done, I havent made any extra effort in quite some time.
I hate myself. More then anyone in the world, I am my own worst enemy.
Why do I depend on the acceptance of others? Im nothing without those that I love. I don't even know for sure if people who I think are my friends even wanna be. Maybe they feel guilty or sorry for me. I dunno. I don't really keep many people close to me.
I can remember a time when I was pretty confident in myself. How foolish I used to be.
And now I guess Im done with my self degrading never ceasing rant.
I hate myself. More then anyone in the world, I am my own worst enemy.
Why do I depend on the acceptance of others? Im nothing without those that I love. I don't even know for sure if people who I think are my friends even wanna be. Maybe they feel guilty or sorry for me. I dunno. I don't really keep many people close to me.
I can remember a time when I was pretty confident in myself. How foolish I used to be.
And now I guess Im done with my self degrading never ceasing rant.