Apologies, Fear, and the Isolation of Self-Worth
I'm enthusiastic about my shortcomings. I love them. Each one. I observe unexpected emotions (from anger to jealousy to sadness to fear) with amusement, and I spend my time laughing about them. I talk at length about my failings and my mistakes because they're valuable to me
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He's a tool in my religious studies toolbox.
I'm glad you've been enjoying the self-exploration. It's kinda fun, actually. Regarding the apology, though: I have no idea who to address it to. While it's clear that I've offended, I can't get any sort of fix on who has been offended. It's made it virtually impossible to even attempt an apology (though I've been thinking about it for weeks). When I stumbled onto the wording of the piacular offering in the dark corners of my mind today, though, I suddenly had a way to apologize without making things worse (becuase a misdirected apology is, in some cases, worse than no apology). I figure, if it's good enough for ritual, it's good enough for me.
Besides, I've realized that while I've discussed the issues at length, I've discussed them from an internal standpoint. My discussions have been unbalanced, and focused on what's going on inside, not what's occurring outside. To be perfectly honest, such things are not and have not been as important to me: I'm wrapped up in a lot of difficult things right now, and the old saying, "take care of yourself first," has been at the forefront.
The concern for the self overrode the concern for others. And this caused offense.
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Isn't it amazing how when we pay attention to self, out of necessity, others who are used to us being a certain way, don't like it? Don't worry. You have to come first, especially when in crisis, else what will be left for the future?
Feel free to IM if you want to chat.
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