(no subject)
Yesterday was quite a strange day indeed. I had a pretty good day for most of it and at the end I had to top it off with an NA meeting (bla). Anyway during the meeting I was voicing my opinion about how Catholocism is evil and completely destroyed my self esteem. We were talking about step three (giving your life over to God) and I was mentioning how I have a difficult time with that concept.
Anyway some guy raises his hand and starts blasting what I said. Everyone tells me I was being paranoid and that I take things too personally (which is true) but I KNOW that he was targeting me. He was saying how "ALL ADDICTS HAVE A FUCKED UP SENSE OF GOD AND IF THAT THE STEPS OF NA ARE MEANT TO BE SIMPLE AND IF YOU ARE STUCK ON ONE STEP YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO OUT AND USE". He was basically saying this in a very angry tone and almost screaming. He seemed like he was mocking me. I felt so damn hideous during the entire thing. I think I somewhat offended him too when I said that the Catholics ruined my life (as he was obviously Irish Catholic looking). I don't really know but I decided to just leave because he was pissing me off. Same with NA. I'm getting extremely annoyed with it. It fucking works but its goddamn stupid sometimes.
Anyway so I was outside meditating (part of my "therapeutic plan") and kind of going off into my own world. This guy comes up to me and hes like "is there an AA meeting?".
"No there is an NA meeting at the moment"
So he walks towards the door, does this double take, kind of pauses for a moment then comes back.
"How long have you been sober?"
So we go into this whole conversation about this and I mention that I don't have a sponsor. He starts to push the idea on me that he should be my sponsor even though hes only had 8 months and hes mostly an alcoholic not a drug addict. So I told him that I'm gay and I should have a female sponsor and he starts saying shit about how "we have things in common" and that maybe a male sponsor would be better. The entire time I had this feeling like he was hitting on me. FYI he was extremely cute but I'm in no need for an unconventional sponsor hook up sex. Or at least conning me into seeing him so he can "13th step" me. Thats a term used when someone of a longer sobriety status tries to get the weaker, vulnurable early recovery addict to get in bed with them. Its kind of a shitty move. I'm not sure if this was the point but I just got these insane vibes. And I don't usually get them that often.
He ended up giving me his number and told me to call him. I'm not sure If I will or not. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it. Plus some kids at the house told me it would probably not be a good idea because usually its more of a point for a person to attain their own sponsor and not be pressured into have a certain person be theres. I don't know it was all extremely sketchy.
But I guess it made for an interesting night comparable to the boring bullshit I have to deal with every day.
Hmmm
Anyway some guy raises his hand and starts blasting what I said. Everyone tells me I was being paranoid and that I take things too personally (which is true) but I KNOW that he was targeting me. He was saying how "ALL ADDICTS HAVE A FUCKED UP SENSE OF GOD AND IF THAT THE STEPS OF NA ARE MEANT TO BE SIMPLE AND IF YOU ARE STUCK ON ONE STEP YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO OUT AND USE". He was basically saying this in a very angry tone and almost screaming. He seemed like he was mocking me. I felt so damn hideous during the entire thing. I think I somewhat offended him too when I said that the Catholics ruined my life (as he was obviously Irish Catholic looking). I don't really know but I decided to just leave because he was pissing me off. Same with NA. I'm getting extremely annoyed with it. It fucking works but its goddamn stupid sometimes.
Anyway so I was outside meditating (part of my "therapeutic plan") and kind of going off into my own world. This guy comes up to me and hes like "is there an AA meeting?".
"No there is an NA meeting at the moment"
So he walks towards the door, does this double take, kind of pauses for a moment then comes back.
"How long have you been sober?"
So we go into this whole conversation about this and I mention that I don't have a sponsor. He starts to push the idea on me that he should be my sponsor even though hes only had 8 months and hes mostly an alcoholic not a drug addict. So I told him that I'm gay and I should have a female sponsor and he starts saying shit about how "we have things in common" and that maybe a male sponsor would be better. The entire time I had this feeling like he was hitting on me. FYI he was extremely cute but I'm in no need for an unconventional sponsor hook up sex. Or at least conning me into seeing him so he can "13th step" me. Thats a term used when someone of a longer sobriety status tries to get the weaker, vulnurable early recovery addict to get in bed with them. Its kind of a shitty move. I'm not sure if this was the point but I just got these insane vibes. And I don't usually get them that often.
He ended up giving me his number and told me to call him. I'm not sure If I will or not. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it. Plus some kids at the house told me it would probably not be a good idea because usually its more of a point for a person to attain their own sponsor and not be pressured into have a certain person be theres. I don't know it was all extremely sketchy.
But I guess it made for an interesting night comparable to the boring bullshit I have to deal with every day.
Hmmm