(no subject)
This is one of those moments where I see pictures of people whom I absolutely, positively, am jealous of. I sit here and think of all my flaws and their wonderful traits. I sit and think how they have a much more interesting life than I do. I sit here and think they can get in with the "gay world" and I am too scared to even take a step into that environment. I'm too scared to take a step with any goddamn guy.
Some of you may know who I'm talking about. Thank God Alli doesn't read this (and this is why I'm saying this at the moment because she'll never see it and think I'm a whiny bitch). I was writing on her wall on facebook and I noticed that her really good friend Dan (who lives in California) is on her top friends...and I'm not. Now the reason I get so insanely jealous is because Dan is the shit. Hes the first flamboyantly gay guy that I would have sex with. Hes so fucking beautiful. Hes so much fun to hang out with. I've only been chilling with Alli constantly for like six months. But I feel like its been years. I feel like I really know her. She is one of my best friends and I only have two. Her and Krystyna. I sometimes just get really self-conscious. Like what if Dan came back. Would he be her new gay friend? I just want to slit my wrists when I think about how much better he is than me. Its so fucking horrible I know. AND I'VE ONLY KNOWN HIM FOR ONE DAY. This is how strong my emotions are. ESPECIALLY jealously.
Whenever I get into a new environment I always head right to the girls. I don't even think of cute boys I try to find potential best friends. Then when I find one I latch onto her and I practically worship her. I don't feel inferior or anything its just I pretty much fall in love with her without the physical attraction part. It just gets out of hand sometimes.
It happened years ago too and it nearly destroyed me. Krystyna was that way with me but we've always remained close in a very intimate way. We've only had one really big fight and I've never felt like I needed to be on guard with her. I love both of those girls. I guess this is my livejournal tribute to them. I'll have to make a complimentary photo set too. Actually a video of slow moving slides of me and them together.
God I'm such a freak.
Some of you may know who I'm talking about. Thank God Alli doesn't read this (and this is why I'm saying this at the moment because she'll never see it and think I'm a whiny bitch). I was writing on her wall on facebook and I noticed that her really good friend Dan (who lives in California) is on her top friends...and I'm not. Now the reason I get so insanely jealous is because Dan is the shit. Hes the first flamboyantly gay guy that I would have sex with. Hes so fucking beautiful. Hes so much fun to hang out with. I've only been chilling with Alli constantly for like six months. But I feel like its been years. I feel like I really know her. She is one of my best friends and I only have two. Her and Krystyna. I sometimes just get really self-conscious. Like what if Dan came back. Would he be her new gay friend? I just want to slit my wrists when I think about how much better he is than me. Its so fucking horrible I know. AND I'VE ONLY KNOWN HIM FOR ONE DAY. This is how strong my emotions are. ESPECIALLY jealously.
Whenever I get into a new environment I always head right to the girls. I don't even think of cute boys I try to find potential best friends. Then when I find one I latch onto her and I practically worship her. I don't feel inferior or anything its just I pretty much fall in love with her without the physical attraction part. It just gets out of hand sometimes.
It happened years ago too and it nearly destroyed me. Krystyna was that way with me but we've always remained close in a very intimate way. We've only had one really big fight and I've never felt like I needed to be on guard with her. I love both of those girls. I guess this is my livejournal tribute to them. I'll have to make a complimentary photo set too. Actually a video of slow moving slides of me and them together.
God I'm such a freak.