332. a death
this morning, well, afternoon really, my mom woke me up about 12:30. i noticed she didn't seem well, and when i asked what was wrong, still in bed and everything, she told me that our neighbor passed away in the early hours in the morning, around 8:00 am, from a heart attack.
apparently, a bit earlier, they had heard screaming from upstairs, and banging, and a man screaming, 'help me, help me.' my sister is an early bird and she was awake, she woke up my dad, and my parents rushed upstairs. someone called for an ambulance and they took him away, still screaming in agony.
he was a young man by the name of Ahmed Mohammed. he left behind a wife and three children, the oldest of whom is only six years old, and youngest turning one sometime in the next few days.
his oldest daughter will have memories of him. his second daughter has been in Morocco with her grandparents for the last few months, and she's being brought back this week. she hasn't seen him in months; my mom thinks this is a good thing, because in some way she's become used to life without him. his youngest, only son, will never know him because he's too young to even remember.
the baby is staying with us now, since his mom is in serious mourning and can't take care of him. every once in a while he'll start saying 'baba' and even though it's just babbling, it still leaves a sting in my chest whenever he does.
i slept through most of the morning, the heavy part of it, but everyone in this building (3 family house) is affected, and all of his family has come over to mourn and support his wife. his daughter is outside playing with her cousins, having cried herself out in the morning, without even knowing he was dead. she knows now, she's starting to realize it, but she's being kept distracted, which is good.
i haven't cried. i just... i really can't. i didn't know him well, and i know his family will be taken good care of by relatives, and by us, his neighbors.
a selfish part of me is looking at this all and thinking, this could have been me they're crying over. i could have killed myself and everyone would be in our apartment, our neighbors and friends, crying and trying to console my parents. and there would have been no mercy if it was a suicide, if it was intentional. i guess seeing all this woke me up. i can't do this to anybody. i won't. so i'll stay strong and do my best to take care of everyone.
apparently, a bit earlier, they had heard screaming from upstairs, and banging, and a man screaming, 'help me, help me.' my sister is an early bird and she was awake, she woke up my dad, and my parents rushed upstairs. someone called for an ambulance and they took him away, still screaming in agony.
he was a young man by the name of Ahmed Mohammed. he left behind a wife and three children, the oldest of whom is only six years old, and youngest turning one sometime in the next few days.
his oldest daughter will have memories of him. his second daughter has been in Morocco with her grandparents for the last few months, and she's being brought back this week. she hasn't seen him in months; my mom thinks this is a good thing, because in some way she's become used to life without him. his youngest, only son, will never know him because he's too young to even remember.
the baby is staying with us now, since his mom is in serious mourning and can't take care of him. every once in a while he'll start saying 'baba' and even though it's just babbling, it still leaves a sting in my chest whenever he does.
i slept through most of the morning, the heavy part of it, but everyone in this building (3 family house) is affected, and all of his family has come over to mourn and support his wife. his daughter is outside playing with her cousins, having cried herself out in the morning, without even knowing he was dead. she knows now, she's starting to realize it, but she's being kept distracted, which is good.
i haven't cried. i just... i really can't. i didn't know him well, and i know his family will be taken good care of by relatives, and by us, his neighbors.
a selfish part of me is looking at this all and thinking, this could have been me they're crying over. i could have killed myself and everyone would be in our apartment, our neighbors and friends, crying and trying to console my parents. and there would have been no mercy if it was a suicide, if it was intentional. i guess seeing all this woke me up. i can't do this to anybody. i won't. so i'll stay strong and do my best to take care of everyone.