GIVE UP ON ME.
here's the gist of it:
anna lee rogers.
all i could ask for. everything i could ever need. perfect. gorgeous. someone so amazing that its almost impossible to conceive how you could ever ask for anything else.
but i run. i run away from the worst things in my life. i run away from the best things in my life. i run away from every goddamn thing that seems to present any small bit of a problem or struggle at all. if you read that and just asked why... honestly. i dont know. sometimes the fact that im not exactly right in the head or heart seems to fade from my attention while im focusing on something that seems possible - or reasonable, at least - to make a part of my life. then, after i chase and/or obtain this item, i realize that im a HUGE, FUCKED UP PIECE OF SHIT. and then it all turns back to garbage again. trust me. i try so hard to talk myself out of giving up or running away. i really do. and while im making attempts to talk myself out of it, good and happy memories with other people from the past flash like highlights through my head, making it so much harder. and i think about how many times i've called it quits before with absolutely no warning, no reason. it was so much easier to find something suitable than to fight for something productive. so why?
to be blunt: im a coward. im a shameless thief that robs dignity, passion, and morals. i act golden, i talk clear, and i seem harmless, but if you knew who i really was on the inside, you'd find that i can be very persuasive, rotten, selfish, and egotistical. goddamn right, im 100% full of myself.
oh no, to you im an angel.
god turned his back on me because im honestly a vile creature.
i prey on people's trust.
im seriously a fucked up human being with a one way ticket straight to the worst seat in hell and there's not a thing i can do about it.
and the person that i want to read this entry the most knows this side of me all too well.
anna lee rogers.
all i could ask for. everything i could ever need. perfect. gorgeous. someone so amazing that its almost impossible to conceive how you could ever ask for anything else.
but i run. i run away from the worst things in my life. i run away from the best things in my life. i run away from every goddamn thing that seems to present any small bit of a problem or struggle at all. if you read that and just asked why... honestly. i dont know. sometimes the fact that im not exactly right in the head or heart seems to fade from my attention while im focusing on something that seems possible - or reasonable, at least - to make a part of my life. then, after i chase and/or obtain this item, i realize that im a HUGE, FUCKED UP PIECE OF SHIT. and then it all turns back to garbage again. trust me. i try so hard to talk myself out of giving up or running away. i really do. and while im making attempts to talk myself out of it, good and happy memories with other people from the past flash like highlights through my head, making it so much harder. and i think about how many times i've called it quits before with absolutely no warning, no reason. it was so much easier to find something suitable than to fight for something productive. so why?
to be blunt: im a coward. im a shameless thief that robs dignity, passion, and morals. i act golden, i talk clear, and i seem harmless, but if you knew who i really was on the inside, you'd find that i can be very persuasive, rotten, selfish, and egotistical. goddamn right, im 100% full of myself.
oh no, to you im an angel.
god turned his back on me because im honestly a vile creature.
i prey on people's trust.
im seriously a fucked up human being with a one way ticket straight to the worst seat in hell and there's not a thing i can do about it.
and the person that i want to read this entry the most knows this side of me all too well.