dealing
I feel immense sadness. I tried to make things work but at the end of the day, something felt missing. It wasn’t fair to her to continue to pretend that everything was okay. But I care deeply for her. She was so different than me in a lot of ways, but the similarities were also there. She made me feel special, loved, happy to be alive. She danced with me, listened to music with me, shared so many good memories with me. The hardest part is that I will probably never hear her, see her, talk to her again. That whole part of my life, 6 months worth, is gone forever. That’s the hardest part to deal with. That the person that I shared my soul with for a brief time will be gone from my life. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it; it has to happen for both of us to move on.
I don’t regret anything. She opened my eyes to a world I had never seen before. She introduced me to a part of myself I had not known before. She has changed me for the better.
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Day 3 post breakup. I feel more in control now. I went to the gym last night just to dip my toe in the water. I didn’t do much, but the little I did put me in a better mood. Life will go on. I realize that the way to get out of the funk is the way I get out of all of my funks; exercise. Be healthy. Get back to the point where I’m proud of my body, proud of my mental stability, proud of my routine. Once that part of my life is back on track, good things will follow.
My goal the past year has been to make new connections wherever and whenever possible. Being in a relationship made me lazy. I didn’t reach out to as many people as I should. I didn’t keep in contact with the friends that I have. I need to get back to a place where I connect with the world around me. I can do it. Life goes on, and so will I.
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Day 4. I think I’ve turned the corner now. What I’ve learned from all of this is that no matter how bad the loneliness gets, I will adapt and move on. I’m stronger than I know. Hitting the gym, eating healthy, getting into the right routine…life will go on. Gonna get lit tonight with ohms, tinaaa, and lisa! Life is good. Never forget! :)