hate hate hate

[chrisushi]

it is true, that think poorly of myself. in fact, poorly doesn't really describe how i feel about myself. i think my need for complete mediorcrity is the only thing that could make someone who is not me be able to even begin to see where i am coming from. Of course, if you can't see that out right, far be it from me to tell you how to get there. I feel my mediocrity will also help me transend. into what? I don't know. hopefully something less animal then i already am. Something that is so base, or debasing/abase for that matter. I think i feel so low of myself that i feel i cannot achieve anything but that which can only be achieved by not achieving. simple. But oddly enough, however low it is i think of myself. i think even less of the world around me. oh and i wrote a poem. a short one. it's really lame, but since i never update i figured i would tortue with it. Because poetry is lame, and the emotions that breed poetry are usually lame and uncalled for. but here goes

a bit lonely, for no one respects me
a bit of a fighter, because no on protects me
a bit of a shadow, becaue no one detects me
a bit sterile, because no one infects me
a bit rough, because no one perfect me
a bit like death, because no on expects me
but above all, I am
a
bitter
bitter
man

On a lighter note, i have decided that i am not having fun anymore. that i need to stop using crutches for my boredom. and get some work done. let things go that make my life mundane instead of mediocore. because i shouldn't be irratated by my toys, after all i scoped them out, and picked them out. and even though they aren't really what i would like them to be, they should at least entertain me. but i am not having any fun. so i will just chock them up to good memories and pretend the existance of non fun things has become void.

could i be any more vauge? yeah, i could. i could stop using nouns in the next post...but that isn't even enjoyable on my part.