Funny Stuff
Here's something from last Saturday's Smiles section:
The Funniest Matrimonial Personal Ads
Fisherman
Wife wanted. Must be able to dig, clean, cook worms, and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motor boat.
Salesman
Once-in-a-lifetime offer to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelors around is looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car, and successful career.
Economist
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However, the elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.
Businessman
Wife wanted for company.
Mathematician
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.
Farmer
Wanted: a wife from good stock. Required for breeding.
Lawyer
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person for whom I'm looking should be strictly- a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the servie and jurisdiction of My Lord, i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence, as all liabilites are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.
Pilot
Wife required to complete my life. Please, only level-headed applicants. She must not have her head in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must be aerodynamically sound!!
Banker
Wanted: Wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
Accountant
Required: A girl, 5 feet 8 inches. She must be adverse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
Contractor
Wanted: a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.
Doctor
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However, if you feel the need for a second opinoin, then it's fine by me.
Army Commando
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Campflauge provided.
Astronaut
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world.
The Funniest Matrimonial Personal Ads
Fisherman
Wife wanted. Must be able to dig, clean, cook worms, and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motor boat.
Salesman
Once-in-a-lifetime offer to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelors around is looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car, and successful career.
Economist
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However, the elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.
Businessman
Wife wanted for company.
Mathematician
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.
Farmer
Wanted: a wife from good stock. Required for breeding.
Lawyer
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person for whom I'm looking should be strictly- a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the servie and jurisdiction of My Lord, i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence, as all liabilites are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.
Pilot
Wife required to complete my life. Please, only level-headed applicants. She must not have her head in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must be aerodynamically sound!!
Banker
Wanted: Wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
Accountant
Required: A girl, 5 feet 8 inches. She must be adverse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
Contractor
Wanted: a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.
Doctor
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However, if you feel the need for a second opinoin, then it's fine by me.
Army Commando
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Campflauge provided.
Astronaut
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world.