cut for high levels of pussy-dom
this has been possibly the worst week in greg history.
broke up with laurice two thursdays ago, and ever since then things have been horrendous. in a weird twist of fate, andrea text me that very night, as if she knew what had happened. i've been texting andrea, but a huge part of me knows that if i were to see her, things would go sour. so i'm never going to give in and meet up with her ever. if i do, i give you all permission to punch me square in the jaw. anyway. laurice and i were on a mutual agreement that we could both be adult about the breakup, and remain friends. well, that's not the case at all. turns out she pretty much hates my guts, and even thought about quitting. after finding this out, i became dick central. i can't believe she put on yet another front. sadly, i'm realizing that she's not the person i made her out to be, and that hurts. she'd never talk about her past boyfriends or anything, and always made herself out to be this saint among women. well, from personal experience i can say she's not at all. me being the complete jerk i am, i looked at her texts the other day. turns out she's been talking to this guy david. went over to his house and whatnot. so forget all that noise. this weekend she called in because she's "very ill." she didn't want to tell me the real reason because i'm notorious for ratting people out. i just think it's super shitty that i should suffer (directly, since she was on my crew) because she called in. turns out she went to vegas. clearly i'm in no position to be begging her for the real answer, but hey. i thought we were going to be friends? so much for that. so i'm done with her. it just sucks because i was content with keeping her in my life as a good friend, and i wasn't really feeling that crappy about it. but now with this vegas thing, i'm starting to feel pretty crappy. guess i'm 0-2 as far as disney girls go. time to look elsewhere.
after the breakup, i got the aforementioned flat. well, it took us FOUR hours to get one lugnut off. we eventually had to cut it off with a saw. i took it to the tire place, and told them that they put it on so tight, i had to cut it off. the guy was generally awesome and said if i bought the replacement lugnuts, he'd reimburse me. haven't had a free day off since then, so i haven't been able to go. i should have gotten it in writing or something.
i was really hurting for money, but fortunately my trust money came so now i'm good...or so i thought.
last night my car overheated. hooray! the past day or two i had noticed the temperature was going higher than normal. not knowing anything about cars, i assumed that wasn't good. i asked around for a solution, but got no response. i was heading out to fullerton when the car starts bubbling and steaming. luckily i wasn't too far from my house. called my mom, and she walked me through the process of getting home. i honestly can't believe the luck i've had with this car. blown head gasket, broken a/c, new radiator, new transmission, TWO flats. i'm so worried that whatever's wrong with it now will be very costly. i just can't even comprehend how a car could overheat without something being seriously wrong with it. but what do i know. so now i'm stuck watching the water level until wednesday when i'm off. and it's not even paid off yet!
i hate my job. i'm trying desperately to get out, but i'm so afraid. i can pretty much get away with anything i want, but for 11.20 it's not worth it. god knows why, but the manager that's in charge of the entire west side of the park loves me. there's only two other canoe leads, and one (gavin) is a total douche so i ignore him on a regular basis. the other one, though, i thought would be fine. lisa is the A lead, so she takes the majority of the "work." sadly for her, she has other responsibilities so i'm getting all the shifts. anyway. i had put boat partners together that she didn't agree with, and upon seeing her later (she was scheduled somewhere else), i told her. she proceeds to scream at me for my mistake. "WHAT?!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD PUT THEM TOGETHER! YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!" all while three other people are in the room. hey, thanks for the vote of confidence, you cunt. so as far as that goes, i'm all alone. i don't like either of the canoe leads, and all the managers can suck a fat nut. so once again, i'm all by myself. sarah's the only manager i feel i can trust, and even she's been known to backstab some of my closest friends. if she's in, i'm probably going to tell her all of this. obviously only the lisa thing applies to her, but i really don't know where else to go. i feel so alone.
all these problems seem so juvenile, i know, but i don't know what to do. i have nobody to turn to, and nowhere to go.
a few people can say, "well i'm here for you! if you need help just let me know." that's like saying, "hey, it's the least i could do." no, the least you could do is nothing. and unless you're going to buy me a new car, pay me more than 11.20, or resolve my deep rooted emotional issues, then you're not there for me and you never will be. sorry. words only go so far.
i feel like i'm becoming what i fear the most. a failure.