Missoula..... wierd
I can't seem to stop this tremendous pain that persists in my lower back. Its a burning, stabbing sensation that has some odd weight to it. Like there is a knife jabbed to the hilt. With some incriminating finger prints..........
Why is it that the one person I want to be happy, and also happy with me, never can seem to attain such a state? Is it something I have done......????? or said.....????? or......????? Right.
We all do things that people don't agree with. Our friends all do things that we don't agree with. So the moral debate is this: In such an act of disagreeance our we allowed to voice our thoughts, feelings, opinions, and desires with a total disregard for the feelings of our loved ones? Is it allowable to say and think cruel thoughts? Are images of slapping, strangling, and such commonplace and allow us to attain a state of comfort?
Or do those who do such things reach a mindset of regret? If they do will they appologize?
I spent all of last year under the tyranic thumb of a sociopath/nuerotic/bipolar bitch who took me on such a trip that I was unable to think for myself. I made decisions that negetively affected relationships with my friends and family. Hopefully all of you recieved your much deserved confession of guilt from me and if not, please accept this as that. Anyhow the point is this: this woman, whom led me to do things I do not find to be acceptable behavior. But amongst all the chaos, ruin, and self-loathing I did learn a few valuable things. 1)Fuck It!!!! 2) I make decisions for myself and accept the consequences. 3)I need to control my own destiny. 4) The opinions of others do matter, but not to the extent that I won't do what I feel is best.
I learned all this at the cost of an innocents fishes life. He did nothing wrong. He was just a bystander. So in honor of my dear lost friend Jack I pledge this: I am unhappy. I am taking the steps I (I and no others) feel will lead me to such happiness. I will disregard the comments, chastations, and bitterness those I love are harboring, and I will make my own destiny no matter what that may be.
Why is it that the one person I want to be happy, and also happy with me, never can seem to attain such a state? Is it something I have done......????? or said.....????? or......????? Right.
We all do things that people don't agree with. Our friends all do things that we don't agree with. So the moral debate is this: In such an act of disagreeance our we allowed to voice our thoughts, feelings, opinions, and desires with a total disregard for the feelings of our loved ones? Is it allowable to say and think cruel thoughts? Are images of slapping, strangling, and such commonplace and allow us to attain a state of comfort?
Or do those who do such things reach a mindset of regret? If they do will they appologize?
I spent all of last year under the tyranic thumb of a sociopath/nuerotic/bipolar bitch who took me on such a trip that I was unable to think for myself. I made decisions that negetively affected relationships with my friends and family. Hopefully all of you recieved your much deserved confession of guilt from me and if not, please accept this as that. Anyhow the point is this: this woman, whom led me to do things I do not find to be acceptable behavior. But amongst all the chaos, ruin, and self-loathing I did learn a few valuable things. 1)Fuck It!!!! 2) I make decisions for myself and accept the consequences. 3)I need to control my own destiny. 4) The opinions of others do matter, but not to the extent that I won't do what I feel is best.
I learned all this at the cost of an innocents fishes life. He did nothing wrong. He was just a bystander. So in honor of my dear lost friend Jack I pledge this: I am unhappy. I am taking the steps I (I and no others) feel will lead me to such happiness. I will disregard the comments, chastations, and bitterness those I love are harboring, and I will make my own destiny no matter what that may be.