La vie est un pot de merde, Quand vous la regardez.
OK, so it's not quite so bad as that, but I'm feeling pretty crummy today. Disappointed is more accurate, because it's absolutely nothing personal.
So basically, Gina's meeting at NYIT didn't go her way, she's missing 1 prerequisite that they are being very firm about, so she can't start there on Tuesday. So bad for her, but good for me, right? Well, not so much.
Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. You abandon a good career as a medical researcher in order to go into massive debt and study to become something she'd find much more fulfilling. Not able to enter the school that's near all of her family and friends - her support network - she instead has to move 6 hours north to Maine, where she knows nobody, the program is more intense than she'd like, and she has to deal with the stress of moving, missing everyone she knows, and being thrown into a pressure cooker all at once.
Then, unable to adjust to the workload all at once, having been out of school for 4 years, plus dealing with all the other stress, she washes out of the program. Pleading with them, they agree to take her back next year, so at least she has that option.
In the meantime, she has to find something to do for a year, if she decides to stay. She's still 6 hours from home, and besides me, has no friends outside of the UNE PA program. Those friends, she's sure, will now start to drift away as they're busy again with classes, and she's no longer in the program, so she's a bit of an outsider now. Meanwhile she's still stressed about what to do, disappointed about what happened, and could really use friends and family for support.
She's in NY right now, and when I spoke to her yesterday, she'd never sounded so good. I could tell she was happy to be home, it was just obvious from the tone of her voice, she didn't sound at her wits end for once. Given all that, I can't really blame her then for what she's decided to do, which is to move back home.
She's spending a few days in NY brushing up her resume and applying for research positions in NYC. Her plan is to go back to work again, for real, and take her missing prerequisite sometime before next fall, so that NYIT will accept her.
She probably won't tell UNE this until April or so, just in case, but she really doesn't want to go back there, and I can understand that. We've enjoyed our time together, but overall, she really isn't happy up here, and I can't imagine that would improve anytime soon.
So, I'm giving that scenario about 90% odds of working out for her. As a safety net, she has applied for a couple of menial rent-paying jobs up here, and has 2 interviews next week, but I can't imagine her staying, I just can't. She might work here for a few weeks, to pay bills, while she awaits the results of her job search in NYC, at which point she'll pack up and go. I can also foresee frequent trips down to NY between now and whenever she gets a job there, so even though she's not totally leaving right away, I won't see her much, and given the extreme volatility of her presence here, I'm not sure if I'd want to see her that much.
Problem is, if you couldn't tell, I've really really started to like her, and it's moved beyond casual interest and into the realm of actually having feelings for her. Spending time with her makes those grow, and that's not something I want to augment at this point, for reasons which should be obvious.
It really does sound like she's made up her mind, and objectively, I know that it is probably the best thing for her, both in terms of her mental well-being and in terms of her career.
But even knowing that, how could I help but to feel disappointed? She was an amazing catch, but she got swept away by the currents of life.
So basically, Gina's meeting at NYIT didn't go her way, she's missing 1 prerequisite that they are being very firm about, so she can't start there on Tuesday. So bad for her, but good for me, right? Well, not so much.
Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. You abandon a good career as a medical researcher in order to go into massive debt and study to become something she'd find much more fulfilling. Not able to enter the school that's near all of her family and friends - her support network - she instead has to move 6 hours north to Maine, where she knows nobody, the program is more intense than she'd like, and she has to deal with the stress of moving, missing everyone she knows, and being thrown into a pressure cooker all at once.
Then, unable to adjust to the workload all at once, having been out of school for 4 years, plus dealing with all the other stress, she washes out of the program. Pleading with them, they agree to take her back next year, so at least she has that option.
In the meantime, she has to find something to do for a year, if she decides to stay. She's still 6 hours from home, and besides me, has no friends outside of the UNE PA program. Those friends, she's sure, will now start to drift away as they're busy again with classes, and she's no longer in the program, so she's a bit of an outsider now. Meanwhile she's still stressed about what to do, disappointed about what happened, and could really use friends and family for support.
She's in NY right now, and when I spoke to her yesterday, she'd never sounded so good. I could tell she was happy to be home, it was just obvious from the tone of her voice, she didn't sound at her wits end for once. Given all that, I can't really blame her then for what she's decided to do, which is to move back home.
She's spending a few days in NY brushing up her resume and applying for research positions in NYC. Her plan is to go back to work again, for real, and take her missing prerequisite sometime before next fall, so that NYIT will accept her.
She probably won't tell UNE this until April or so, just in case, but she really doesn't want to go back there, and I can understand that. We've enjoyed our time together, but overall, she really isn't happy up here, and I can't imagine that would improve anytime soon.
So, I'm giving that scenario about 90% odds of working out for her. As a safety net, she has applied for a couple of menial rent-paying jobs up here, and has 2 interviews next week, but I can't imagine her staying, I just can't. She might work here for a few weeks, to pay bills, while she awaits the results of her job search in NYC, at which point she'll pack up and go. I can also foresee frequent trips down to NY between now and whenever she gets a job there, so even though she's not totally leaving right away, I won't see her much, and given the extreme volatility of her presence here, I'm not sure if I'd want to see her that much.
Problem is, if you couldn't tell, I've really really started to like her, and it's moved beyond casual interest and into the realm of actually having feelings for her. Spending time with her makes those grow, and that's not something I want to augment at this point, for reasons which should be obvious.
It really does sound like she's made up her mind, and objectively, I know that it is probably the best thing for her, both in terms of her mental well-being and in terms of her career.
But even knowing that, how could I help but to feel disappointed? She was an amazing catch, but she got swept away by the currents of life.