A menace of massive machinations!
Years ago my ancestors fought a mighty battle for their very existence. This terrible war raged through the dark forests of Wales, over the terrible Moors, right to the very mouth of the Thames. With a costly victory, the terrible name of our foe's passed into legend..the word GIANT became a faintly unpleasant memory..But the sons of those who fought and died, of the great champions who stood fast against the dread behemoths, who wrestled thrashing arms the size of tree trunks, we remember..and we wait. For society has grown fat and complacent, men while away the time at drink and whist..The giant does not sleep..he waits, his hairy brow furrow'd, his lounge lashing back and fourth as he eyes a sleeping newborn. They have returned, even now giants have infiltrated our society, and we do nothing FOR BEHOLD:
There was a time when an extremely above-averagely-tallish man like myself strode confidently down the streets, knowing he held the full stature of a man, as was begotten from god. But now everywhere I turn, all I see are the terrible shadows of the troll-progeny. The University is rife with the colossus..they are can be seen flinging a stuffed boarskin incredible distances, laughing hideously as it whistles by the heads of decent-folk. They guzzle precious water from our wells in vast quantity, they even take our women, dazzled by their feats of strength. My friends the giant situation has gotten out of hand in this city, we must act now before it is to late.. I have a proposal to city council in the hopes of ending this titanic scourge.
1. Build less bridges: This city has WAY to many bridges, and may be the root cause of our giant problem. By removing basic Giant habitat we will go a long way towards freeing ourselves of this hefty-yoke. Just look at London, a city well versed in the giant menace, they have constructed London bridge so that it may fold open, thus shining glorious sunlight on any giants or troll-kin hidden below.
2. Public banning of the word short except in proper connotations. Part of the problem here people is that we have allowed ourselves to be brainwashed by dim-witted but effective Propo-gi-ganda, that has you believing they don't all crave Englishman-blood. From now on the word short must only apply to those who are truly short: dwarfs midgets and leprechauns.
3. Federal liscening of boulders, fence posts hollow logs, and other potentially deadly weapons.
4.The immediate closing of Mr. Big and Tall outlets everywhere.
Of course, some giants may be allowed to remain alive fallowing our eventual victory (i.e Josh) provided they promise never to grind my bones as they instinctively crave to. We will need cooperative giants to assist with the driving of staves, taming of mammoths and the capture and cooking of other less friendly giants. Lets stay the path here people..we shall prevail.
As for all you giant advocacy groups:
A wise man once said. You cannot beat the troll out of the giant.
You people think you're so great, but you'l be singing a different tune once you get fie-foe-fummed by Goliath.
There was a time when an extremely above-averagely-tallish man like myself strode confidently down the streets, knowing he held the full stature of a man, as was begotten from god. But now everywhere I turn, all I see are the terrible shadows of the troll-progeny. The University is rife with the colossus..they are can be seen flinging a stuffed boarskin incredible distances, laughing hideously as it whistles by the heads of decent-folk. They guzzle precious water from our wells in vast quantity, they even take our women, dazzled by their feats of strength. My friends the giant situation has gotten out of hand in this city, we must act now before it is to late.. I have a proposal to city council in the hopes of ending this titanic scourge.
1. Build less bridges: This city has WAY to many bridges, and may be the root cause of our giant problem. By removing basic Giant habitat we will go a long way towards freeing ourselves of this hefty-yoke. Just look at London, a city well versed in the giant menace, they have constructed London bridge so that it may fold open, thus shining glorious sunlight on any giants or troll-kin hidden below.
2. Public banning of the word short except in proper connotations. Part of the problem here people is that we have allowed ourselves to be brainwashed by dim-witted but effective Propo-gi-ganda, that has you believing they don't all crave Englishman-blood. From now on the word short must only apply to those who are truly short: dwarfs midgets and leprechauns.
3. Federal liscening of boulders, fence posts hollow logs, and other potentially deadly weapons.
4.The immediate closing of Mr. Big and Tall outlets everywhere.
Of course, some giants may be allowed to remain alive fallowing our eventual victory (i.e Josh) provided they promise never to grind my bones as they instinctively crave to. We will need cooperative giants to assist with the driving of staves, taming of mammoths and the capture and cooking of other less friendly giants. Lets stay the path here people..we shall prevail.
As for all you giant advocacy groups:
A wise man once said. You cannot beat the troll out of the giant.
You people think you're so great, but you'l be singing a different tune once you get fie-foe-fummed by Goliath.