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HANDSHAKE RAPE, NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to my very first ever livejournal LJ Live J LJOURN entry. For this entry I used the amazing SEAMAGIC scripting-assembly-coding enviornment. To begin, let's talk about what's going on in the wide and wonderful world of Chris.
CHRIS SEES MODERATELY BAD DANISH MOVIE FEATURING SCOTTISH ACTORS
Good on the Danes. Thanks to the Danes, I was able to write a terribly boring research paper on things like THE WAPANTAKE and THE DANELAW. See I had assumed the Danes, having conqured much of England, would be up to some zany hijinks. Sadly however, they became dull farmers, and contributed almost nothing to the history of England besides sub-par produce and penchant for buggary.
On to the movie. Wilbur McScotsman wants to die. Everyone liked el film, save me. I win because I take film studies. Why didst I not enjoy this movie? well for the most part it wasn't funny. I was hoping for a little Bill Murry esc endless suiside. It also wasn't "messed up" or "experimental" which I would have actually enjoyed. It wasn't really a good Drama either, although it tried relentlessly to be one. Virtually every five minutes the soud track would launch into some heartstrings. Frankly I didn't care. None of the characters were interesting or moving. Wilbur was funny as a bit of an asshole, but you find out nothing about him during the film. Wilbur remains an enigma, which can be good, if you at least provide some hints as to his mind/behavior, which they did not. The "angelic love interest" was yet another blank slate, her personality consisted of "Being needy", and "screwing wilbur". The little girl had a bit of a personality, sort of precocious, but she had almost no impact on the story. Wilbur's brother, frank? was incredibly annoying. Frank? spends most of the movie helping other people, and then dying of cancer. And you simply don't give a rats ass by the end of it. The movie failed to make even dying of cancer remotely sad. Still, I like movies enough to enjoy even a bland/bad one now and again.
CHRIS APPLIES TO NON-EXISTANT BUSBOY JOB
It's about that time of year when the $ in my bank account amounts to the cost of a used pair of mexican rollerskates. I find myself presented with options. Growing my own tobbaco and running a still are possibilites. But since I lack the know-how, getting a crap ass job is the way I'm headed. Yesterday I Was rained on, and then sat upon buy a large and grotesque woman while riding the bus. Pub-itallia is not hiring busboys, despite their add to the contrary on hrdc.
Now, you're probably wondering "whats all this about HANDSHAKE RAPE?" . Well, last night, an overly long handshake between Josh and Jay prompted me to reflect upon one of the greatest social problems in North America. Handshake rape first appeared in the 1930s, during the time of the "Great Depression", not to be confused with the heyday of Lenord Cohen's career. Self-help booklets, which described a strong handshake as a sign of enthusiasm, encouraged job hungry hobos, and handshake rape was born. The scary thing about handshake rape is that it can happen to anyone anywhere. Not just pretty girls and altarboys. Handshake rape can occur in several different forms:
1) The unasked for "Handgrab" - particularly scarring, this occurs when the assailant forces an unextended hand into a handshake. Victims often develop oral fixations
2)The "MAIN SQWEEZ" - often used by autosalesmen and distant relatives, the "big Sqweez" or "knuckle grinder" is also a favorite of the handshake prankster.
3)The ENTRAPMENT - also a terrible movie. This happens when the handskaker or shakee refuses to release the victims hand from his or her grasp, (usually his). This is a calling card of the needy, clingy individual. Legend has it that Woody Allen once initiated an "entrapment" that lasted the entire summber of 1978.
Here are a few pictures of stereotypical handshake rapists, so you can be "on the lookout" for this brutal form of TERRORISM.
This would be a Klinger or Klingon.
The Handshake is ok, everything else is wrong, oh so wrong.
This man has crushed more hands than John Gotti's limo trunk.
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to my very first ever livejournal LJ Live J LJOURN entry. For this entry I used the amazing SEAMAGIC scripting-assembly-coding enviornment. To begin, let's talk about what's going on in the wide and wonderful world of Chris.
CHRIS SEES MODERATELY BAD DANISH MOVIE FEATURING SCOTTISH ACTORS
Good on the Danes. Thanks to the Danes, I was able to write a terribly boring research paper on things like THE WAPANTAKE and THE DANELAW. See I had assumed the Danes, having conqured much of England, would be up to some zany hijinks. Sadly however, they became dull farmers, and contributed almost nothing to the history of England besides sub-par produce and penchant for buggary.
On to the movie. Wilbur McScotsman wants to die. Everyone liked el film, save me. I win because I take film studies. Why didst I not enjoy this movie? well for the most part it wasn't funny. I was hoping for a little Bill Murry esc endless suiside. It also wasn't "messed up" or "experimental" which I would have actually enjoyed. It wasn't really a good Drama either, although it tried relentlessly to be one. Virtually every five minutes the soud track would launch into some heartstrings. Frankly I didn't care. None of the characters were interesting or moving. Wilbur was funny as a bit of an asshole, but you find out nothing about him during the film. Wilbur remains an enigma, which can be good, if you at least provide some hints as to his mind/behavior, which they did not. The "angelic love interest" was yet another blank slate, her personality consisted of "Being needy", and "screwing wilbur". The little girl had a bit of a personality, sort of precocious, but she had almost no impact on the story. Wilbur's brother, frank? was incredibly annoying. Frank? spends most of the movie helping other people, and then dying of cancer. And you simply don't give a rats ass by the end of it. The movie failed to make even dying of cancer remotely sad. Still, I like movies enough to enjoy even a bland/bad one now and again.
CHRIS APPLIES TO NON-EXISTANT BUSBOY JOB
It's about that time of year when the $ in my bank account amounts to the cost of a used pair of mexican rollerskates. I find myself presented with options. Growing my own tobbaco and running a still are possibilites. But since I lack the know-how, getting a crap ass job is the way I'm headed. Yesterday I Was rained on, and then sat upon buy a large and grotesque woman while riding the bus. Pub-itallia is not hiring busboys, despite their add to the contrary on hrdc.
Now, you're probably wondering "whats all this about HANDSHAKE RAPE?" . Well, last night, an overly long handshake between Josh and Jay prompted me to reflect upon one of the greatest social problems in North America. Handshake rape first appeared in the 1930s, during the time of the "Great Depression", not to be confused with the heyday of Lenord Cohen's career. Self-help booklets, which described a strong handshake as a sign of enthusiasm, encouraged job hungry hobos, and handshake rape was born. The scary thing about handshake rape is that it can happen to anyone anywhere. Not just pretty girls and altarboys. Handshake rape can occur in several different forms:
1) The unasked for "Handgrab" - particularly scarring, this occurs when the assailant forces an unextended hand into a handshake. Victims often develop oral fixations
2)The "MAIN SQWEEZ" - often used by autosalesmen and distant relatives, the "big Sqweez" or "knuckle grinder" is also a favorite of the handshake prankster.
3)The ENTRAPMENT - also a terrible movie. This happens when the handskaker or shakee refuses to release the victims hand from his or her grasp, (usually his). This is a calling card of the needy, clingy individual. Legend has it that Woody Allen once initiated an "entrapment" that lasted the entire summber of 1978.
Here are a few pictures of stereotypical handshake rapists, so you can be "on the lookout" for this brutal form of TERRORISM.
This would be a Klinger or Klingon.
The Handshake is ok, everything else is wrong, oh so wrong.
This man has crushed more hands than John Gotti's limo trunk.