Little White Lies
So I was listening to the radio this morning, as I often do, and there's usually some Jerry Springer-esque drama to keep things interesting, along with random rumors about celebrities. This is, after all, Hollywood. Anyway, today's drama centers on this woman's email to Ryan Seacrest, which basically says she cheated on her boyfriend when they were having difficulties, got pregnant, lied and told the boyfriend it was his, and now, she's been married to the boyfriend for five years and "their" daughter is ten.
She feels guilty. She wants to know if she should tell the truth.
I'm thinking, hell yes you shold tell the truth, you lying dirtbag. How you gonna tell some dude he's the father of a baby that's not his because you DIDN'T WANT HIM TO LEAVE YOU??!?!?!?!!!!?? The thing that pissed me off, though, was the number of women who called in saying she shouldn't tell, that she should take the secret to her grave. And then a guy called in and was like this is totally wrong, she should tell, and the husband should be able to leave if he wants. Oh boy, did that spark a debate. "He should just abandon the child?" and "What about the little girl??" and "What kind of man could just walk away just like that?" And I'm thinking, wait, how did this become about the man? The wife lied to her husband and daughter. The wife is the one who cheated. If anyone is responsible for destroying lives, it's her. Yeah, it would suck if this guy decided to bolt, but you know what? That should be a choice he gets to make. Men shouldn't be able to force women to get abortions, and women shouldn't be able to force, trick, or otherwise coerce men into raising children that AREN'T THEIRS. I don't care how good of a father you THINK he'd make.
The double standard of the whole situation infuriated me. Because if we were talking about a man whose infidelity had resulted in a child, there'd be no question: dump his ass. Leave the busted ass scrub at the curb and keep on trucking. And I would agree. If you can't forgive him, if you can't forget, then move on. So why is it, in this situation, that people feel bad for her? There's such an outpouring of sympathy because she's wracked with guilt over keeping this terrible secret for SO LONG. Seriously? How is what she did any different from random-cheating-guy X?
Honestly, the whole scenario is especially upsetting to me because I've seen it in action. I was/am really good friends with a guy who's girlfriend lied to him about being pregnant with his baby, just so she could keep him under her control. And not in the "he's a wanderer-type and needs to be closely monitored" sort of way, but in the "he's a really great guy, I'm a viscious slut, and it makes me feel better about myself to dangle him like a puppet at the end of a string" sort of way. His parents nearly disowned him. Literally. He dropped out of high school to help her care for this child. He married her. And two to three years down the road? Oh, by the way, your friends were right: it's not your baby. You have any idea how devastating that can be? No, he didn't stop loving his son, even though it wasn't his son. He even now has sole custody, which believe me, is truly in the child's best interest. But can you imagine how much it hurt him to know he'd been betrayed like that? And how painful and confusing it will be for his son when he finally learns the truth? That anyone would condone or defend behavior like that, frankly, makes me sick.
She feels guilty. She wants to know if she should tell the truth.
I'm thinking, hell yes you shold tell the truth, you lying dirtbag. How you gonna tell some dude he's the father of a baby that's not his because you DIDN'T WANT HIM TO LEAVE YOU??!?!?!?!!!!?? The thing that pissed me off, though, was the number of women who called in saying she shouldn't tell, that she should take the secret to her grave. And then a guy called in and was like this is totally wrong, she should tell, and the husband should be able to leave if he wants. Oh boy, did that spark a debate. "He should just abandon the child?" and "What about the little girl??" and "What kind of man could just walk away just like that?" And I'm thinking, wait, how did this become about the man? The wife lied to her husband and daughter. The wife is the one who cheated. If anyone is responsible for destroying lives, it's her. Yeah, it would suck if this guy decided to bolt, but you know what? That should be a choice he gets to make. Men shouldn't be able to force women to get abortions, and women shouldn't be able to force, trick, or otherwise coerce men into raising children that AREN'T THEIRS. I don't care how good of a father you THINK he'd make.
The double standard of the whole situation infuriated me. Because if we were talking about a man whose infidelity had resulted in a child, there'd be no question: dump his ass. Leave the busted ass scrub at the curb and keep on trucking. And I would agree. If you can't forgive him, if you can't forget, then move on. So why is it, in this situation, that people feel bad for her? There's such an outpouring of sympathy because she's wracked with guilt over keeping this terrible secret for SO LONG. Seriously? How is what she did any different from random-cheating-guy X?
Honestly, the whole scenario is especially upsetting to me because I've seen it in action. I was/am really good friends with a guy who's girlfriend lied to him about being pregnant with his baby, just so she could keep him under her control. And not in the "he's a wanderer-type and needs to be closely monitored" sort of way, but in the "he's a really great guy, I'm a viscious slut, and it makes me feel better about myself to dangle him like a puppet at the end of a string" sort of way. His parents nearly disowned him. Literally. He dropped out of high school to help her care for this child. He married her. And two to three years down the road? Oh, by the way, your friends were right: it's not your baby. You have any idea how devastating that can be? No, he didn't stop loving his son, even though it wasn't his son. He even now has sole custody, which believe me, is truly in the child's best interest. But can you imagine how much it hurt him to know he'd been betrayed like that? And how painful and confusing it will be for his son when he finally learns the truth? That anyone would condone or defend behavior like that, frankly, makes me sick.