UPDATE
So much has happened in the past couple of days!
Saturday was a lot of fun. I took new pictures of the kittens and of my hair cut. Posted the kitten pics in Intuitive Central and my hair in Myspace. Went out with a dear old friend and a new friend and saw a crazy but funny movie.
Then I came home and had a frank discussion online with a wonderful friend who told me that he could never see me being anything more than that to him.
I didn't cry.
I didn't get upset.
It was a quiet peace in knowing that was the way it was supposed to be.
And the thing is, I knew it all along, but I was hoping that that wasn't the case. I was hoping that maybe, somehow, I was wrong. I was hoping that maybe my desire to be with him would be MORE than the gut feeling inside that we just weren't supposed to be.
I was wrong. My gut feeling won. And here we are ... still just friends.
But I'm not sad about it. As eerie as it sounds, it's actually really Okay. Somehow the rejection has catapulted me into a desire to get closer to God and to seek His face and His will for my life.
We had a special speaker last night at church come and pray over us. I really feel that had I not been humbled beforehand, that I wouldn't have received the words spoken over me. But God allowed a little break, a little tear in my heart. Not an overwhelming catastrophic one, but a small pin hole .. just enough to break down some walls built up inside so He could touch me. That is what I love about Him. And I also love the fact that He gave me the wisdom to know that not all hurt is bad and not all pain and suffering is meant for harm. Sometimes we must hurt a little to get the bigger blessing. Sometimes He just wants to get our attention. But to know that God loves me enough to not let me go off the path he has planned out for me, eases any kind of pain from this experience.
4 words were spoken over me:
The first lady grabbed my hands and pressed the meat of my palm and she said: "Dreams, visions, prophesy." And then she prayed for me to have the ability to interpret my dreams just like Daniel in the Bible. Heh. How did she know that I have been having dreams and visions for 4 years now?
The second person to pray was a man. His hands touched mine and they shook violently. Then he said, "I pray relaxation, peace, quiet and strength." Little does he know that anxiety rules my life.
The third person came by and she introduced herself. We hugged and then she started praying over me. She prayed and breathed and prayed and breathed. Then she said, "I really feel as though the Lord is saying that you have a regal beauty. He wants you to know that you're beauty shines as elegance." I thought to myself...'What does regal mean?' Then she said, "I don't really know what regal means, but.." And then I laughed and said, "Neither do I!" So she told me took it up. How did she know that I am always obsessed with my appearance and worried about not being pretty or others thinking I'm not beautiful. But here it was, confirmation that I am beautiful...I am REGALLY AND ELEGANTLY beautiful in the eyes of God!
Then lastly, a lady came by and held my hands. She told me I have the gift of evangelism. How did she know I prayed and asked God to reveal what gift I have to me that night? She also prayed -abundant joy- over me over and over and over. Then afterwards as she was about to leave, she told me to keep praying and receive what she said. As soon as she walked away I fell to my knees sobbing. How did she know that I needed abundant joy, that I was starting to feel apethetic and lifeless? How did they know all of these things???
Afterwards, I COULD NOT keep it in what the Lord did! I went around the church sharing with everyone what they said, how I felt and how wonderful God is!!!
Then today I looked up what exactly the gift of Evangelism is! I could not believe it!
Gift of Evangelism
What is the passion of the woman with the gift of evangelism? It's a new found gift that enables her to live outside of herself. The woman at the well had gone through four marriages lived a self-centered life, and probably could not keep a husband because she was more interested in herself than the husband. But when she met Jesus, she lost her self-centered interest and went to tell others about Jesus.
She didn't tell them about herself, time was too short. She didn’t use her wisdom or persuasive ability to motivate others. All she could do was testify of Jesus. “Many of the Samaritans . . . believed on Him for the saying of the woman, which testified, ‘he told me all that I ever did’” (John 4:39).
Let us learn from the woman at the well. She had passion--a passion to tell others what Jesus did for her. Her passion motivated her to simply share her testimony. She carried an empty vessel to the well to get some water, but the vessel of her life was filled with Jesus who was the water of life. As she ran back into town living water spilled to others. Her passion made her share who Jesus was and what he has done for her.
Saturday was a lot of fun. I took new pictures of the kittens and of my hair cut. Posted the kitten pics in Intuitive Central and my hair in Myspace. Went out with a dear old friend and a new friend and saw a crazy but funny movie.
Then I came home and had a frank discussion online with a wonderful friend who told me that he could never see me being anything more than that to him.
I didn't cry.
I didn't get upset.
It was a quiet peace in knowing that was the way it was supposed to be.
And the thing is, I knew it all along, but I was hoping that that wasn't the case. I was hoping that maybe, somehow, I was wrong. I was hoping that maybe my desire to be with him would be MORE than the gut feeling inside that we just weren't supposed to be.
I was wrong. My gut feeling won. And here we are ... still just friends.
But I'm not sad about it. As eerie as it sounds, it's actually really Okay. Somehow the rejection has catapulted me into a desire to get closer to God and to seek His face and His will for my life.
We had a special speaker last night at church come and pray over us. I really feel that had I not been humbled beforehand, that I wouldn't have received the words spoken over me. But God allowed a little break, a little tear in my heart. Not an overwhelming catastrophic one, but a small pin hole .. just enough to break down some walls built up inside so He could touch me. That is what I love about Him. And I also love the fact that He gave me the wisdom to know that not all hurt is bad and not all pain and suffering is meant for harm. Sometimes we must hurt a little to get the bigger blessing. Sometimes He just wants to get our attention. But to know that God loves me enough to not let me go off the path he has planned out for me, eases any kind of pain from this experience.
4 words were spoken over me:
The first lady grabbed my hands and pressed the meat of my palm and she said: "Dreams, visions, prophesy." And then she prayed for me to have the ability to interpret my dreams just like Daniel in the Bible. Heh. How did she know that I have been having dreams and visions for 4 years now?
The second person to pray was a man. His hands touched mine and they shook violently. Then he said, "I pray relaxation, peace, quiet and strength." Little does he know that anxiety rules my life.
The third person came by and she introduced herself. We hugged and then she started praying over me. She prayed and breathed and prayed and breathed. Then she said, "I really feel as though the Lord is saying that you have a regal beauty. He wants you to know that you're beauty shines as elegance." I thought to myself...'What does regal mean?' Then she said, "I don't really know what regal means, but.." And then I laughed and said, "Neither do I!" So she told me took it up. How did she know that I am always obsessed with my appearance and worried about not being pretty or others thinking I'm not beautiful. But here it was, confirmation that I am beautiful...I am REGALLY AND ELEGANTLY beautiful in the eyes of God!
Then lastly, a lady came by and held my hands. She told me I have the gift of evangelism. How did she know I prayed and asked God to reveal what gift I have to me that night? She also prayed -abundant joy- over me over and over and over. Then afterwards as she was about to leave, she told me to keep praying and receive what she said. As soon as she walked away I fell to my knees sobbing. How did she know that I needed abundant joy, that I was starting to feel apethetic and lifeless? How did they know all of these things???
Afterwards, I COULD NOT keep it in what the Lord did! I went around the church sharing with everyone what they said, how I felt and how wonderful God is!!!
Then today I looked up what exactly the gift of Evangelism is! I could not believe it!
Gift of Evangelism
What is the passion of the woman with the gift of evangelism? It's a new found gift that enables her to live outside of herself. The woman at the well had gone through four marriages lived a self-centered life, and probably could not keep a husband because she was more interested in herself than the husband. But when she met Jesus, she lost her self-centered interest and went to tell others about Jesus.
She didn't tell them about herself, time was too short. She didn’t use her wisdom or persuasive ability to motivate others. All she could do was testify of Jesus. “Many of the Samaritans . . . believed on Him for the saying of the woman, which testified, ‘he told me all that I ever did’” (John 4:39).
Let us learn from the woman at the well. She had passion--a passion to tell others what Jesus did for her. Her passion motivated her to simply share her testimony. She carried an empty vessel to the well to get some water, but the vessel of her life was filled with Jesus who was the water of life. As she ran back into town living water spilled to others. Her passion made her share who Jesus was and what he has done for her.