Up, down, but sideways?
My world seems to be saturated lately.
I know its been a while since I posted. Every time I’d sit down to write something, I got overwhelmed, which doesn’t take much some days. I feel sometimes like I opened a closet full of stuff and I’m holding it back to keep it from completely covering me. Except that I opened the closet so long ago, I can’t remember when I wasn’t holding it up. It gets to the point that I don’t want to call for help or do something about it because that’s one more thing I’d have to explain and deal with and its all I can do to just keep that stuff from consuming me. The meds have helped. I don’t cry out, screaming, when alone. I don’t get sick in the mornings with the daunting task of the day ahead of me. I don’t just start hitting things to relieve the stress. I can sleep at night without too much aid to go to sleep and I don’t wake up as often in a panic. The stuff is still beind held up, but I’m getting a boost to be able to keep standing there. I don’t know how to close the closet. I know I can’t do it alone.
Life events help. Gaming has always helped. When my mind starts racing, thinking over each heavy thing that’s falling out of that closet, I can just refocus (especially lately) and think about what Morgan is going to do when she gets to Mordent to explain why she’s still a werewolf. I can think about Dr. Laura Dantzler’s tactics to set up the clinic and still appease the supernatural council. I can ponder over the political tactics to get the armies to meet with my psionic elf to talk peace. I can even think about books I’m reading.
Planning events is good too. Tanner’s belated, super surprise, toga costume theme, murder mystery scavenger hunt Birthday party was awesome. Not everyone came, but I’m kinda glad. We had a house full, just enough food, and a lot of fun. Tanner was totally surprised. He knew something was up, but this wasn’t what it might be. He almost ruined the scavenger hunt part by doing it early, but the guys (Chris and Jason) were able to help us keep tabs on his and keep him busy. In the end, while that might have been part of his suspicion, it was a perfect way to celebrate him turning 30, in a video game like scenario.
Up until Monday night, school had been going well. I’d interviewed my dad and wrote a paper on that. I almost missed writing a paper about Meza, a coworker, but got that done barely on time. But, when I got to class, my prof, even after I asked her who I shouldn’t interview, wants me to redo my interview and first paper with someone other than my dad. I was hurt, very upset. Cried most of the way home. The paper was more personal that I’d realized, I guess. I didn’t do well on the exam either (I think). Plus, we’ve got this weird needs assessment to do on Mountain Brook. Thpppt.
Work is good though. I’m feeling closer to my coworkers. I did a presentation to NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illnesses) on what I do. It wasn’t professionals, but consumers (people with a mental illness) or friends and family and supporters of consumers. But, over all, it was a great experience and I really wouldn’t mind doing it again. I'd volunteered to go with Harry even before an E-mail went out reminded everyone that volunteer talks were mandatory. Go me.
Tuesday, march 16, if you go to California Pizza Kitchen at the Summit and bring a certain flyer, 20% of your meal goes to the Metro B’ham Services for the Homeless. Tanner and I are going to try to do dinner that night. Others should too.
Meaningful Phrase: “We’re totally taking those Attacks of Opportunity.” “Yeah, this aen’t Dragonball, bitch.”