(no subject)
Title: Musings of a Middle-aged Spinster
Author: Christine
Fandom/Pairing: West Wing, CJ/Danny, with a smidge of Josh/Donna
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Through Requiem
Disclaimer: So very not much mine. I am simply borrowing from both Sorkin and Wells.
Notes: Much thanks to Zinke and Bex for giving me the feedback to make this better (and for helping me make it make sense. ;))
"You know when I came over Wednesday night and it was late and we didn't really talk we just-"
"I have a vague recollection."
"Did that make you feel bad?
"Bad in a- In a what?"
"You know- used."
"For my body?"
"Something like that."
"I'll work through it."
"You sure?"
"It happens. Women want me."
"It's just. I know we have a lot to talk about and I don't want to leapfrog any of it but it was kind of wonderful to just-"
"Not talk."
"Not even a little."
"You want to do it again tonight, don't you."
"I really do."
"I'll leave the door open."
~~~
CJ rolled over in the bed for what must have been the hundredth time and kicked off the blankets, only to pull them back up and then throw them off again in a matter of minutes.
This was ridiculous, she thought, as she gave up and just lay there, staring mindlessly up at the ceiling. She'd been tossing and turning for the better part of an hour, all because she'd insisted on clinging to some misbegotten notion that she shouldn't leave her houseguest alone for the night. So instead of being curled up next to a warm, soft body, she was here, cold and alone in her own bed, missing the sound of Danny's snoring.
What sane woman missed listening to the sound of a man's snoring?
Apparently, she did. And she could be with him right now, too, if she really wanted to be, but, no, not her. Instead, she'd come up with a flimsy excuse so she could continue to keep Danny at arms' length
She'd be the first to admit it - she sucked at this sort of thing. She always had. Whatever had made her think she was qualified to lecture Donna about Josh… But that was all water under the bridge, forgiven and hopefully forgotten, lost within all the events of the past year.
Besides, Josh and Donna were happy - or at least getting there, if the things Donna had hinted at were any indication. Although the looks Josh had been shooting Donna all night seemed to tell a different story. The man could do disgruntled and annoyed better than anyone she knew. And considering some of the heads of state she'd dealt with lately, that was saying a lot.
Still… most of what she'd heard and seen seemed to indicate that they were on the right path.
Which was a lot more than she could say for herself.
Well, ok, that wasn't true. She's wasn't on the wrong path. After all, she wasn't miserable and she wasn't completely alone. She had Danny. That was something. What kind of something, she wasn't sure. It was more than a booty call, less than a relationship. It was… nice. Comforting. Comfortable. And, ok, yes, it was hot - the sex was incredible. But what was it?
She was embarrassed to admit it, but she didn't know. That first night together, she hadn't really given much thought to what their relationship could - or would - be. He'd simply been there and - given that little spark of attraction they'd always had - being with him had just felt right. A kiss here, a kiss there… what harm could it do? And then things had just sort of snowballed from there.
She certainly hadn't planned on sleeping with him. But there had been that moment when she'd just known - if she didn't do something about her attraction to him now, she never would.
She wasn't sorry it had happened - that night or any of the nights since. She just wished she knew what it was that they were doing. She was a woman used to dealing with facts - solid, definitive facts. This… thing… this ritualistic courtship dance they were participating in was something new for her.
New, and just the slightest bit scary.
Oh, who was she kidding? It was a whole lot of scary. She was forty-two years old and hadn't had a serious or long-lasting relationship since grad school. Hadn't even wanted one really.
But somewhere along the way, she'd let her desire to remain footloose and fancy-free affect her ability to even become emotionally attached and now she was starting to feel the results. Forty-two years old, single, and married to her career. There was a cliché in there, one that she didn't really want to explore, one that she was somewhat horrified to realize she'd let herself fall into.
Still… cliché or not, there had to be a way out of the situation. Hell, if Joshua Lyman, political whiz without an ounce of interpersonal skills and an ego the size of Alaska, had managed to finally do something about his feelings for Donna, there had to be hope for her, didn't there?
She hoped so, because any more nights like this, and she wouldn't make it through the next few months of transition.
Tired of looking at the ceiling, and knowing there was no way sleep would ever claim her, she finally gave up and got out of bed. Maybe she was too paranoid to head across town to Danny's tonight, but lying in bed contemplating all the whys and wherefores wasn't getting her anywhere, either, and there was a pile of memos in her briefcase just waiting for her attention.
She'd make a pot of coffee and then settle on the couch with all the information on the current situation overseas. And maybe, just maybe, if she read long enough, she'd manage to quiet all the voices in her head telling her that there was more to life than work.
~End~
Author: Christine
Fandom/Pairing: West Wing, CJ/Danny, with a smidge of Josh/Donna
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Through Requiem
Disclaimer: So very not much mine. I am simply borrowing from both Sorkin and Wells.
Notes: Much thanks to Zinke and Bex for giving me the feedback to make this better (and for helping me make it make sense. ;))
"You know when I came over Wednesday night and it was late and we didn't really talk we just-"
"I have a vague recollection."
"Did that make you feel bad?
"Bad in a- In a what?"
"You know- used."
"For my body?"
"Something like that."
"I'll work through it."
"You sure?"
"It happens. Women want me."
"It's just. I know we have a lot to talk about and I don't want to leapfrog any of it but it was kind of wonderful to just-"
"Not talk."
"Not even a little."
"You want to do it again tonight, don't you."
"I really do."
"I'll leave the door open."
~~~
CJ rolled over in the bed for what must have been the hundredth time and kicked off the blankets, only to pull them back up and then throw them off again in a matter of minutes.
This was ridiculous, she thought, as she gave up and just lay there, staring mindlessly up at the ceiling. She'd been tossing and turning for the better part of an hour, all because she'd insisted on clinging to some misbegotten notion that she shouldn't leave her houseguest alone for the night. So instead of being curled up next to a warm, soft body, she was here, cold and alone in her own bed, missing the sound of Danny's snoring.
What sane woman missed listening to the sound of a man's snoring?
Apparently, she did. And she could be with him right now, too, if she really wanted to be, but, no, not her. Instead, she'd come up with a flimsy excuse so she could continue to keep Danny at arms' length
She'd be the first to admit it - she sucked at this sort of thing. She always had. Whatever had made her think she was qualified to lecture Donna about Josh… But that was all water under the bridge, forgiven and hopefully forgotten, lost within all the events of the past year.
Besides, Josh and Donna were happy - or at least getting there, if the things Donna had hinted at were any indication. Although the looks Josh had been shooting Donna all night seemed to tell a different story. The man could do disgruntled and annoyed better than anyone she knew. And considering some of the heads of state she'd dealt with lately, that was saying a lot.
Still… most of what she'd heard and seen seemed to indicate that they were on the right path.
Which was a lot more than she could say for herself.
Well, ok, that wasn't true. She's wasn't on the wrong path. After all, she wasn't miserable and she wasn't completely alone. She had Danny. That was something. What kind of something, she wasn't sure. It was more than a booty call, less than a relationship. It was… nice. Comforting. Comfortable. And, ok, yes, it was hot - the sex was incredible. But what was it?
She was embarrassed to admit it, but she didn't know. That first night together, she hadn't really given much thought to what their relationship could - or would - be. He'd simply been there and - given that little spark of attraction they'd always had - being with him had just felt right. A kiss here, a kiss there… what harm could it do? And then things had just sort of snowballed from there.
She certainly hadn't planned on sleeping with him. But there had been that moment when she'd just known - if she didn't do something about her attraction to him now, she never would.
She wasn't sorry it had happened - that night or any of the nights since. She just wished she knew what it was that they were doing. She was a woman used to dealing with facts - solid, definitive facts. This… thing… this ritualistic courtship dance they were participating in was something new for her.
New, and just the slightest bit scary.
Oh, who was she kidding? It was a whole lot of scary. She was forty-two years old and hadn't had a serious or long-lasting relationship since grad school. Hadn't even wanted one really.
But somewhere along the way, she'd let her desire to remain footloose and fancy-free affect her ability to even become emotionally attached and now she was starting to feel the results. Forty-two years old, single, and married to her career. There was a cliché in there, one that she didn't really want to explore, one that she was somewhat horrified to realize she'd let herself fall into.
Still… cliché or not, there had to be a way out of the situation. Hell, if Joshua Lyman, political whiz without an ounce of interpersonal skills and an ego the size of Alaska, had managed to finally do something about his feelings for Donna, there had to be hope for her, didn't there?
She hoped so, because any more nights like this, and she wouldn't make it through the next few months of transition.
Tired of looking at the ceiling, and knowing there was no way sleep would ever claim her, she finally gave up and got out of bed. Maybe she was too paranoid to head across town to Danny's tonight, but lying in bed contemplating all the whys and wherefores wasn't getting her anywhere, either, and there was a pile of memos in her briefcase just waiting for her attention.
She'd make a pot of coffee and then settle on the couch with all the information on the current situation overseas. And maybe, just maybe, if she read long enough, she'd manage to quiet all the voices in her head telling her that there was more to life than work.
~End~