Hopeful..
Hey whoever actually reads this. So, most of you know about the thing with me and Amanda and all that. I'm not sure if I've ever talked about her ex Nicole (Nik), but I can't stand that girl. She's constantly upsetting and hurting Amanda, and it pisses me off. Ugh. But anyway, Nik originally left Amanda last August for this girl Autumn, and now Autumn moved or something, and now Nik is trying to go back to Amanda. Thing is, Nik is/was Amanda's first love. They were together for two years and since August, Amanda was doing everything she could to try to get Nik to take her back. Then I came along and, though she was still a bit stuck on Nik, she was getting better about it. Well, Saturday I got up hella early just to go over to her house for the day before she had to go to work at 5:30 because I couldn't sleep over like I normally would because she had a dance recital early the next morning. So yeah. Shit happened and we were like we always are with eachother. And well, lately I've been coming close to saying "I Love You" to her, but I would stop myself. And that night I left her a message because I thought she had fallen asleep, and at the end it was kinda weird because I almost said it and I stopped myself. But anyway, she texted me a little later and told me that she wasn't texting back because Nik called her... And well, Nik asked her out. Amanda told her she couldn't give her an answer right now, and she told me that she couldn't say yes because she couldn't do that to me. Because she likes me like.. A hella lot, and she couldn't hurt me like that. It hurt like hell. Not gonna lie, I cried. But I told her that I want her to be happy and that she needs to do what she thinks will be best for her.. So basically she's stuck now trying to make a decision between me and Nik. I even told her that, as stupid as it sounds, she could make a list of Pros and Cons for both of us and see if that helps. The only thing I can think of that she could put down as bad for me is that I don't live as close as Nik does. I can think of countless things for Nik, though. Hah. But yeah, so I don't know. I told her that if she were to choose Nik, that I probably wouldn't talk to her as much or be around as much, not because I don't want to see her, but because I wouldn't be able to handle the fact that the girl I love is with someone that doesn't deserve her at all. Oh, and I told her I loved her, too. Which she took pretty well thankfully. I told her I was afraid to tell her at the time because I didn't want her to think I was only saying it to influence her decision, and she said she knows I'm not like that, so it's good that she knows I'm honest. So yeah, I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm scared shitless. I want her to be happy, but at the same time I'm really hoping that it'll be with me and not Nik. I mean she's already fucked her over once, she'll most likely do it again if she meets someone else again... I don't know. I guess I'll post again after the verdict is delivered... Later.
-Christina
-Christina