(no subject)
Its bad that I flip off the handle like I do. I'm a black and white. I try to see the other persons perspective I try to be overly respectful I do, sometimes too much to the point, but after I do that and say there isn't some compromise reached, if there isn't any what I feel any level of respect coming from them well I tend to lose my shit and get extreme. Not in a kill everyone in the high school gym way, but in a fine you wanna play that game I've got more time, I'll put in more effort just out of spite, and I'll be better at it. I'm not proud of it, its not the best quality I possess, but I suppose recognizing the problem is the first step in solving it.
Basically the entire reason for this overblown preface is that there are people I don't get along with any longer. Well, even that is overblown, we do get along, and sometimes in a terrific manner, but I'm no longer interested in one of these peoples lives nor will I ever be again. Do I think they are bad people? No. I think they are good intentioned and nice, just no longer my bag and you know at 23 I think I can comfortably say I don't have to get along with all the kids in the sand box. I it turns out can do what I want. My issue is that my roommates went from not really being friends with one of these people to having the person over 2-3 times a week. Not like lets watch our program and peace out, ALL F-ing night. Again there are times I get along with them and we chit chat and things are cool, but its just the worst feeling to come home after work and oh goody this person is over-again, and odds are won't be leaving until I go to bed. Its just uhhh, you know? (I'll say this until I'm blue in the face its not that I think this person is terrible its just even when we were "good" friends, we still weren't the ones that hung out together we hung out within our larger friend group.) Can I come home and just hang out with my roommates can I not have someone permanently affixed to my couch? Well some people say its the "rugby house" I have to deal, um nope. Turns out its not college and Im paying rent and electricity and buying the food and picking up so I get to get pissed. I've gently said to my roommates guys I can't take this. Then I've said why are they coming over-again. Then I've said this has to stop 3 nights consecutively this week! Come on please. I pulled them aside and said listen we aren't bff can we not wreck whatever delicate balance we have? Oh you are "good friends" with my roommates now? Guess not huh.
The other person I really don't know. I don't want to-ever. Sorry folks see above and the kids in the sand box. In fact the person I get annoyed with told me to my face last night that I can't tell my roommates not to allow them in our house. Oh really? Watch me. Now in this persons defense they have never done anything personally to me, (just been super shitty to enough of my friends that I'd never ATTEMPT to be their friend) and this person has been respectful enough to not come over. I'll give credit when its due. I do have a feeling though that the roommate war that'll ensue will involve that person being invited over. Thats fine. I'll be standing leg drawn back as to boot them firmly back out.
Again I realize Im getting pissed and being overdramatic. The minute my "good friends" and roommates decided they cared more about having their drinking buddies over than making me comfortable in my own home I went to the extreme. Its bad form its silly its juvenille on my part. I know it. I'm hurt. I got told by my ex the other day that I have intimacy issues. That I hate having close relationships with anyone. This may be why. The people I always end up really caring about don't so much care as much about me. I always end up heartbroken, so I expect everyone to disappoint me. Nice thing and I'll say it now there are some people that haven't its a short list but: SP, Megan (although she and I talk shit and fight like cats and dogs the girl hs never been anything short of honest. She doesnt believe me but I love her for it.), Been, Fred, Jeffrey, John, Tran.
I don't know. The storms blowing in and I'm just getting ready for it, but not so much in the boarding up my windows way, more in the Lt. Dan riding the mast thru it kind of way. Just hoping that I make out as unscathed as he did.
Basically the entire reason for this overblown preface is that there are people I don't get along with any longer. Well, even that is overblown, we do get along, and sometimes in a terrific manner, but I'm no longer interested in one of these peoples lives nor will I ever be again. Do I think they are bad people? No. I think they are good intentioned and nice, just no longer my bag and you know at 23 I think I can comfortably say I don't have to get along with all the kids in the sand box. I it turns out can do what I want. My issue is that my roommates went from not really being friends with one of these people to having the person over 2-3 times a week. Not like lets watch our program and peace out, ALL F-ing night. Again there are times I get along with them and we chit chat and things are cool, but its just the worst feeling to come home after work and oh goody this person is over-again, and odds are won't be leaving until I go to bed. Its just uhhh, you know? (I'll say this until I'm blue in the face its not that I think this person is terrible its just even when we were "good" friends, we still weren't the ones that hung out together we hung out within our larger friend group.) Can I come home and just hang out with my roommates can I not have someone permanently affixed to my couch? Well some people say its the "rugby house" I have to deal, um nope. Turns out its not college and Im paying rent and electricity and buying the food and picking up so I get to get pissed. I've gently said to my roommates guys I can't take this. Then I've said why are they coming over-again. Then I've said this has to stop 3 nights consecutively this week! Come on please. I pulled them aside and said listen we aren't bff can we not wreck whatever delicate balance we have? Oh you are "good friends" with my roommates now? Guess not huh.
The other person I really don't know. I don't want to-ever. Sorry folks see above and the kids in the sand box. In fact the person I get annoyed with told me to my face last night that I can't tell my roommates not to allow them in our house. Oh really? Watch me. Now in this persons defense they have never done anything personally to me, (just been super shitty to enough of my friends that I'd never ATTEMPT to be their friend) and this person has been respectful enough to not come over. I'll give credit when its due. I do have a feeling though that the roommate war that'll ensue will involve that person being invited over. Thats fine. I'll be standing leg drawn back as to boot them firmly back out.
Again I realize Im getting pissed and being overdramatic. The minute my "good friends" and roommates decided they cared more about having their drinking buddies over than making me comfortable in my own home I went to the extreme. Its bad form its silly its juvenille on my part. I know it. I'm hurt. I got told by my ex the other day that I have intimacy issues. That I hate having close relationships with anyone. This may be why. The people I always end up really caring about don't so much care as much about me. I always end up heartbroken, so I expect everyone to disappoint me. Nice thing and I'll say it now there are some people that haven't its a short list but: SP, Megan (although she and I talk shit and fight like cats and dogs the girl hs never been anything short of honest. She doesnt believe me but I love her for it.), Been, Fred, Jeffrey, John, Tran.
I don't know. The storms blowing in and I'm just getting ready for it, but not so much in the boarding up my windows way, more in the Lt. Dan riding the mast thru it kind of way. Just hoping that I make out as unscathed as he did.