its over, its through

[christinanhem]

there were so many
thoughts
ideas
so many plans
suggestions
there were so many
days nights mornings and noons
so many aches
tears
regrets
so many so many so many

but there are no solutions.

so many attempts, so many failures.

we cant drop this but we cant work it out

theres absolutely no point of keeping this lingering, floating
spilling over and under ourseleves

we need... i need.

to escape.

all
of
this.

now

my words might tangle, they might confuse you
they might relieve your pain
this could even burden you more

but i will tell my story, i will get this out

one way or another...

how can you.
how can you how can you how can you
fool me?
i sit and regret,

i wish i never met you
i wish i never went out with that guy and seen you
i wish i never went in your car
i wish i never had given you that ciggarette
i wish you never came in and charmed my number out of me
i wish i never had fucked you
i wish i never visit you at work
i wish i never went home with you
i wish i never hugged you at night when were falling asleep
i wish
i wish i never had fallen in love with you.

but thats all i do now, is think and regret
all i do is sit and try to figure what can we do

what can i say, wear, sing dance do, to make us work?

so, now you tell me. you need a break?
a break from me, from speaking to me
from seeing me
from everything that ever has to do with me
who in the right mind would take a break?
do you know what breaks are?

i dont need to understand how can you fucking want a fucking break
i dont need to know who else it is
i dont need to see how life would be without you you without me

what i need it something real.

i dont need a fantasy relationship
i dont want something out of a fucking happy fairy tale

i just dont want to be your toy
your go to girl
your last option.
just some company when no one else is fucking around

im sick of being taken for granted
im sick of these fights
im sick of being punked in front of your friends
im sick of waiting
im sick of asking
im sick of calling begging crying pleading
im sick of being this pathetic stupid dependent on you fuck

but
i love you.
i care for you
i want you

and what really sucks,
what fucking blows my mind
is the fucking fact

that with all said and done

i need you in my fucking sorry ass life.